Monday, 27 March 2006
sunday outing
Pehal lak haloscan buat hal ni? Essshh... tak kuasa!
---
In my attempt to lose weight, semalam I went jalan2 again in the centre with one minah arab ni. (she's well in case her friends are wondering. oh except dia ni tak mau makan la)
Well, I found out that the science museum is having an exhibition of Iceland, so I thought it's probably good to go and see. I always whine about London being cold, so if I go and compare how much colder Iceland is, I can stop whining.
Once we got there, the security asked to check my bag. Errr... hello? I was with an arab girl, and you checked my bag not hers? Cehh! Muka I muka terrorist ke? And minah ni siap buat lawak pulak saying that it's obvious they won't find bomb in her bag, so they would check the accomplice. Hhehehe... very funny, girl.
At the entrance hall of the exhibition, I was blown away by one of the most breathtaking pictures I have ever seen. I was feeling exactly like what I felt on the bridge on Friday.
It is quite informative but too little stuff. The demo guy did say that Iceland actually sits on 5 err.. volcanoes?(tak berapa ingat what he said) thus making the water around the country warm all year round.
Ah well, there goes my chance to compare. Nothing beats London. I can still whine about it being too cold.
After that we went towards Piccadilly Circus, and later stopped at Covent Garden for tea and scones. Kekonon nak ajar budak arab ni makan scone macam orang Inggeris. Ahaksss.
So much so for losing weight, I walloped all the jam and cream. Aiyaaaa. First I finished mine, then I got hers as well. The girl behind the counter didn't give enough la.
We stopped to watch street theatre for a while before heading back. Aaahhh... sedapnya dapat duduk in tube. Penat arrrr.
---
In my attempt to lose weight, semalam I went jalan2 again in the centre with one minah arab ni. (she's well in case her friends are wondering. oh except dia ni tak mau makan la)
Well, I found out that the science museum is having an exhibition of Iceland, so I thought it's probably good to go and see. I always whine about London being cold, so if I go and compare how much colder Iceland is, I can stop whining.
Once we got there, the security asked to check my bag. Errr... hello? I was with an arab girl, and you checked my bag not hers? Cehh! Muka I muka terrorist ke? And minah ni siap buat lawak pulak saying that it's obvious they won't find bomb in her bag, so they would check the accomplice. Hhehehe... very funny, girl.
At the entrance hall of the exhibition, I was blown away by one of the most breathtaking pictures I have ever seen. I was feeling exactly like what I felt on the bridge on Friday.
It is quite informative but too little stuff. The demo guy did say that Iceland actually sits on 5 err.. volcanoes?(tak berapa ingat what he said) thus making the water around the country warm all year round.
Ah well, there goes my chance to compare. Nothing beats London. I can still whine about it being too cold.
After that we went towards Piccadilly Circus, and later stopped at Covent Garden for tea and scones. Kekonon nak ajar budak arab ni makan scone macam orang Inggeris. Ahaksss.
So much so for losing weight, I walloped all the jam and cream. Aiyaaaa. First I finished mine, then I got hers as well. The girl behind the counter didn't give enough la.
We stopped to watch street theatre for a while before heading back. Aaahhh... sedapnya dapat duduk in tube. Penat arrrr.
Saturday, 25 March 2006
playing tourist guide
After a stressful mid week, and a bad back after my red haired cousin came to visit, having an afternoon off on Friday was much welcomed.
Off I went to the central, playing a tourist guide to a friend. The best way to see London is on foot, only then you can see everything, get lost and later find your way around. I think I was being a very bad guide. Tak pandai... hehe.
We met another friend and went to see Jimmy Choo's picture at the National Portrait Gallery, then had excellent 2 pieces of pancakes at My Old Dutch. Pancakes with chocolate sauce, what more can one ask?
After all that devilish pancakes, I know I had to burn all that calories. We sent a friend off for her to take the tube to go to her birthday dinner at the Holiday Villa.
From Holborn, I wasn't sure where we were heading to. The two of us just walked to wherever our feet took us. At the end of the road, I realised that we were at The Strand. So, I said that we should cross the bridge and just walk along the Thames.
It was a beautiful night. Just magnificent!
I wonder with all that views and solitude, how a person could give up this city. When we stopped at the bridge and looked across at the Big Ben and London Eye, I felt like I was destined to be here. Like no one could ever take this away from me (except myself). Though it was cold with the wind hitting my face, it was very peaceful and soothing to the soul. I could stand there for hours and just... enjoy.
We went walking towards the buck palace, passing St. James' Park. Unfortunately, the Queen wasn't home to invite us for a bowl of mee curry so we head down to Hyde Park instead. I spotted a few chaps skating and I suddenly remembered that it was Friday Night Skate. Usually, on a friday night, hundreds of Londoners go ballistic with skating. I thought we could sit around and watch them but I was disappointed when one of them told us that it was cancelled due to the wet weather.
Finally we decided to cut across Hyde Park and walk to Mawar for our teh tariks. It was quite a long cut, I tell ya. Berpeluh sakan. Got there in less than 30 minutes, but it was packed with Msians. It could be either because it was a friday nite or they just got their wages. Ahakss.
So, no teh tarik for us and we ended up at Deep Pan Pizza instead. So bloody tired after all that walk, but it was a damn good one. I had to find out how far we had walked, so I googled journey planner. I can't believe it was almost 10 kms. It was like walking from Alor Setar to home. Weeehoooo... I got a new record for walking!
Off I went to the central, playing a tourist guide to a friend. The best way to see London is on foot, only then you can see everything, get lost and later find your way around. I think I was being a very bad guide. Tak pandai... hehe.
We met another friend and went to see Jimmy Choo's picture at the National Portrait Gallery, then had excellent 2 pieces of pancakes at My Old Dutch. Pancakes with chocolate sauce, what more can one ask?After all that devilish pancakes, I know I had to burn all that calories. We sent a friend off for her to take the tube to go to her birthday dinner at the Holiday Villa.
From Holborn, I wasn't sure where we were heading to. The two of us just walked to wherever our feet took us. At the end of the road, I realised that we were at The Strand. So, I said that we should cross the bridge and just walk along the Thames.
It was a beautiful night. Just magnificent!
I wonder with all that views and solitude, how a person could give up this city. When we stopped at the bridge and looked across at the Big Ben and London Eye, I felt like I was destined to be here. Like no one could ever take this away from me (except myself). Though it was cold with the wind hitting my face, it was very peaceful and soothing to the soul. I could stand there for hours and just... enjoy.
We went walking towards the buck palace, passing St. James' Park. Unfortunately, the Queen wasn't home to invite us for a bowl of mee curry so we head down to Hyde Park instead. I spotted a few chaps skating and I suddenly remembered that it was Friday Night Skate. Usually, on a friday night, hundreds of Londoners go ballistic with skating. I thought we could sit around and watch them but I was disappointed when one of them told us that it was cancelled due to the wet weather.
Finally we decided to cut across Hyde Park and walk to Mawar for our teh tariks. It was quite a long cut, I tell ya. Berpeluh sakan. Got there in less than 30 minutes, but it was packed with Msians. It could be either because it was a friday nite or they just got their wages. Ahakss.
So, no teh tarik for us and we ended up at Deep Pan Pizza instead. So bloody tired after all that walk, but it was a damn good one. I had to find out how far we had walked, so I googled journey planner. I can't believe it was almost 10 kms. It was like walking from Alor Setar to home. Weeehoooo... I got a new record for walking!
Thursday, 23 March 2006
a bad day
Often people tell me that they were puzzled by my ability to keep smiling all day, no matter what situation I was in. Yeah that puzzles me too. I wonder how I can be cheerful on command. And most of the times, I put on a smiley mask.
I do not like people to know that I was unhappy. I do not fancy them asking how I was coping. I'm reserved, and hate to discuss my feelings or things in my head. I do not feel the need to justify anything and I am sure they do not really want to listen. So, why bother?
When I faced dodgy situations, being grumpy won't help ease me. Lagi tension.
However, today at the office, I am so monyok. I had quite about enough with one guy. He acts as if he does all the work, talk cock and likes ordering me around.
When he saw me across the hallway, he raised his voice, 'E, tell me what we have to do with Victoria Apollo?'
we? We? WE?
Shithead! He does this to me all the time! We this. We that. Bloody hell! It was all me, ok!
me. me. me. ME.
He is loud when he's with me, showing off lah tu. Kekonon dia yang plan semua benda and macam lah we are a team. I asked him to help (I never asked for help and believe me when I ask, mesti because I kenot do it myself), instead he keeps talking nonsense, giving me suggestions la, suruh ikut cam ni lah, round and round and round. In the end, aku jugak yang buat semua bende. I felt like crying. Itu yang keluar poem bodoh tu.
Penat lah aku dengan selfish people like him.
The Mentor once said she was amazed that I always do favours to people but never asked anything in return. Tah la. That's me. Biar aku susah sendiri, senang together. Errr...
Anyway, when I leave the company at the end of this year (I plan to, hopefully), I am not going to tell them anything about my work. Let them find out and hang themselves. Let them figure out all about events, and how difficult it is to manage the vans all over the country.
Today she devised a plan for us when we leave. I was told not to leave any forms or traces of paperworks other than the important spreadsheets. Hahaaha... Biar padan muka. Bagus betul mentor aku ni.
I do not like people to know that I was unhappy. I do not fancy them asking how I was coping. I'm reserved, and hate to discuss my feelings or things in my head. I do not feel the need to justify anything and I am sure they do not really want to listen. So, why bother?
When I faced dodgy situations, being grumpy won't help ease me. Lagi tension.
However, today at the office, I am so monyok. I had quite about enough with one guy. He acts as if he does all the work, talk cock and likes ordering me around.
When he saw me across the hallway, he raised his voice, 'E, tell me what we have to do with Victoria Apollo?'
we? We? WE?
Shithead! He does this to me all the time! We this. We that. Bloody hell! It was all me, ok!
me. me. me. ME.
He is loud when he's with me, showing off lah tu. Kekonon dia yang plan semua benda and macam lah we are a team. I asked him to help (I never asked for help and believe me when I ask, mesti because I kenot do it myself), instead he keeps talking nonsense, giving me suggestions la, suruh ikut cam ni lah, round and round and round. In the end, aku jugak yang buat semua bende. I felt like crying. Itu yang keluar poem bodoh tu.
Penat lah aku dengan selfish people like him.
The Mentor once said she was amazed that I always do favours to people but never asked anything in return. Tah la. That's me. Biar aku susah sendiri, senang together. Errr...
Anyway, when I leave the company at the end of this year (I plan to, hopefully), I am not going to tell them anything about my work. Let them find out and hang themselves. Let them figure out all about events, and how difficult it is to manage the vans all over the country.
Today she devised a plan for us when we leave. I was told not to leave any forms or traces of paperworks other than the important spreadsheets. Hahaaha... Biar padan muka. Bagus betul mentor aku ni.
If I die tomorrow
If I die tomorrow,
allow me to say I love you always,
permit me to see last bit of sunshine,
let me know that you care, today.
Forgive me if you see my dirty side,
remember me for my heart,
give me a butterfly kiss for me to keep.
Please bring lilies to my funeral,
bring your own mug for a cuppa,
don't forget to bring a smile,
for I have lived and known you.
If I die tomorrow.
allow me to say I love you always,
permit me to see last bit of sunshine,
let me know that you care, today.
Forgive me if you see my dirty side,
remember me for my heart,
give me a butterfly kiss for me to keep.
Please bring lilies to my funeral,
bring your own mug for a cuppa,
don't forget to bring a smile,
for I have lived and known you.
If I die tomorrow.
Wednesday, 22 March 2006
pay me back asap!
I have been very patient. I told Marc that I was going to send a bitchy email to her, but this is all I can came up with. Why can't I be nasty to people? Sigh. I'm too soft.
Dear M & L,
I hope you are ok. I know this is going to sound harsh because you're expecting a baby, but I haven't heard from you regarding the payment that you said you were going to bank in early this month. It has been almost 3 months since I came back and I haven't received a single penny. The total you owe me is £xxx. I have been very patient, but you know what? Just like you, I have to live and eat too plus all the expenses I have to pay. I am broke.
If I were a bank or debt collector, you would have find the money to pay me back fast. I can't wait anymore.
Please pay ASAP.
Bank in money into my account here.
HSBC Bank
Account name is: Miss S R B R
Account no: xxxxxxxx
Sort code: xx-xx-xx
Branch: S
Dear M & L,
I hope you are ok. I know this is going to sound harsh because you're expecting a baby, but I haven't heard from you regarding the payment that you said you were going to bank in early this month. It has been almost 3 months since I came back and I haven't received a single penny. The total you owe me is £xxx. I have been very patient, but you know what? Just like you, I have to live and eat too plus all the expenses I have to pay. I am broke.
If I were a bank or debt collector, you would have find the money to pay me back fast. I can't wait anymore.
Please pay ASAP.
Bank in money into my account here.
HSBC Bank
Account name is: Miss S R B R
Account no: xxxxxxxx
Sort code: xx-xx-xx
Branch: S
Tuesday, 21 March 2006
nuts!
On Friday, a friend of mine went back home after spending 3 months in the UK. He misses kids and wife. He's a good man.
We had a little chat the night before he left. I told him that I'm quite bored living here and he said maybe it's time for me to find a partner.
Huh??
I tell you what, mate. I'm giving up hope and I don't really care anymore if I have a partner or not for two reasons.
One, I have a commitment phobia after observing other relationships that didn't work, including the ones in the family. Two, Malay men do not want someone like me. They are scared of independent women because all in all they just want to be dominant, and with us they can't.
CJ's brother admitted to me when we were drinking our teh tariks not too long ago. He doesn't want a woman like his sister. He said she is too opinionated and too much to handle.
That got my blood boiling. Why do you want to handle us, you bloody nutter!? And don't you start talking about IFL. If I can blow up the rest of the psychomen, I would!
We had a little chat the night before he left. I told him that I'm quite bored living here and he said maybe it's time for me to find a partner.
Huh??
I tell you what, mate. I'm giving up hope and I don't really care anymore if I have a partner or not for two reasons.
One, I have a commitment phobia after observing other relationships that didn't work, including the ones in the family. Two, Malay men do not want someone like me. They are scared of independent women because all in all they just want to be dominant, and with us they can't.
CJ's brother admitted to me when we were drinking our teh tariks not too long ago. He doesn't want a woman like his sister. He said she is too opinionated and too much to handle.
That got my blood boiling. Why do you want to handle us, you bloody nutter!? And don't you start talking about IFL. If I can blow up the rest of the psychomen, I would!
Monday, 20 March 2006
my wasted free time
For the last few weeks, I'm enjoying quite a number of tv shows.
1) American Idol - Chris and Mendisa have great voice!
2) Shipwrecked 2006- I know it looks kinda stupid, but hey, I just wanna relax my mind and not do any thing. Besides, the 2 tribes are quite entertaining albeit they hardly do any challenges like Survivor.
3) The Apprentice - I just love the way Sir Alan Sugar say, 'you're bloody nutter!' And Jo is so funny to watch and Syed is a cheeky one. Jo is quite emotional and transparent just like a colleague of mine. She cries easily in the office and walks around without shoes.
4) Planet Earth - you can't miss this as it has some of the most beautiful shots and locations in the world. Places that we could never ever dream of going. Breathtaking! Am watching piranhas now!
5) CSI - Ahh... Grissom.
1) American Idol - Chris and Mendisa have great voice!
2) Shipwrecked 2006- I know it looks kinda stupid, but hey, I just wanna relax my mind and not do any thing. Besides, the 2 tribes are quite entertaining albeit they hardly do any challenges like Survivor.
3) The Apprentice - I just love the way Sir Alan Sugar say, 'you're bloody nutter!' And Jo is so funny to watch and Syed is a cheeky one. Jo is quite emotional and transparent just like a colleague of mine. She cries easily in the office and walks around without shoes.
4) Planet Earth - you can't miss this as it has some of the most beautiful shots and locations in the world. Places that we could never ever dream of going. Breathtaking! Am watching piranhas now!
5) CSI - Ahh... Grissom.
Sunday, 19 March 2006
the show must go on
Today, supposedly, is the last day I can stay in this country. It was stamped in my passport. However, since my passport is with the Home Office, I can't seem to go anywhere.
I received a message from a friend asking me to take them around to Rome and Venice for a few days. I would love to, if I can, but as it is, I can't. Then I received a wedding invitation ( another one), and what do you know? It's in Poland and I can't go.
I dunno what's with these Poles lately. Many of them at the factory are getting hitched and since basically I was resposible for bringing them over here, I was invited to every single wedding. I wish I can go. I heard that their weddings go on for 3 days of partying and drinking non-stop. There's another wedding in Sept., which I don't think I can go (again!) because I'd be busy with events. Sigh.
It sucks!
I used to like doing events, especially when I get to go to old castles and medieval festivals. It's quite interesting the first time, but it gets bored as they're always the same. Nothing changes.
The most memorable event I had done is the Bristol Balloon Festival 3 years ago. It was the craziest and the busiest event ever, and the truth was I could not do another like it. It was the most tiring of them all. Over 4 days, they had free concert in the park and I think we had over 12 vans and trailers.
Gaz, my old boss, was on his feet all day and night long, and the runners had to keep restocking all vans every 30 minutes. And since the park was full with people sitting everywhere, there was no way they could get through easily.
On the first morning, when the boss parked all vans (some in the middle of empty park) I thought to myself, who the heck is going to buy? By mid-morning, I had my answer. We were so fucking busy and didn't even have time to go to the loo. Basically, we were opened from 9am till 11pm. Even after we were closed, a few of us (me included) had to replenish every van and that took a few more hours to finish.
On the third day, I was asked to get some more stocks from a local distributor. Considering it was on a Saturday, and no one here work on that day, I had to go through hell to find one. Gila!
By the end of the last day, Gaz, Jim and Andrew had blisters on their feet from too much walking and carrying stocks all over the place. All of us were dead tired as we had just a few hours of sleep everyday.
I wondered whether it was worth all the efforts, but when I heard the boss raked up more than 90K in that 4 days, it was definitely worth it for him, though he said he would never bid for that kind of event again. Memang gila!
As for me, I'm just quite happy to handle small events. The most I had is just 4 vans and it had me going crazy because I had no support from the office. I'm all one woman show!
I received a message from a friend asking me to take them around to Rome and Venice for a few days. I would love to, if I can, but as it is, I can't. Then I received a wedding invitation ( another one), and what do you know? It's in Poland and I can't go.
I dunno what's with these Poles lately. Many of them at the factory are getting hitched and since basically I was resposible for bringing them over here, I was invited to every single wedding. I wish I can go. I heard that their weddings go on for 3 days of partying and drinking non-stop. There's another wedding in Sept., which I don't think I can go (again!) because I'd be busy with events. Sigh.
It sucks!
I used to like doing events, especially when I get to go to old castles and medieval festivals. It's quite interesting the first time, but it gets bored as they're always the same. Nothing changes.
The most memorable event I had done is the Bristol Balloon Festival 3 years ago. It was the craziest and the busiest event ever, and the truth was I could not do another like it. It was the most tiring of them all. Over 4 days, they had free concert in the park and I think we had over 12 vans and trailers.
Gaz, my old boss, was on his feet all day and night long, and the runners had to keep restocking all vans every 30 minutes. And since the park was full with people sitting everywhere, there was no way they could get through easily.
On the first morning, when the boss parked all vans (some in the middle of empty park) I thought to myself, who the heck is going to buy? By mid-morning, I had my answer. We were so fucking busy and didn't even have time to go to the loo. Basically, we were opened from 9am till 11pm. Even after we were closed, a few of us (me included) had to replenish every van and that took a few more hours to finish.
On the third day, I was asked to get some more stocks from a local distributor. Considering it was on a Saturday, and no one here work on that day, I had to go through hell to find one. Gila!
By the end of the last day, Gaz, Jim and Andrew had blisters on their feet from too much walking and carrying stocks all over the place. All of us were dead tired as we had just a few hours of sleep everyday.
I wondered whether it was worth all the efforts, but when I heard the boss raked up more than 90K in that 4 days, it was definitely worth it for him, though he said he would never bid for that kind of event again. Memang gila!
As for me, I'm just quite happy to handle small events. The most I had is just 4 vans and it had me going crazy because I had no support from the office. I'm all one woman show!
Saturday, 18 March 2006
Leech
She saw them swimming. All three of them. Naked. Maybe there were a few more nearby but she didn't want to know about the rest. She was only interested in them.
She stood on the steps and looked at them with a smile on her face. They looked happy and carefree like the world belongs to them. When they emerged from under the water, their dark skins glistening from the heat of the sun.
From where she can see them, she figured they were still young. They still have so much to learn. There’s no denying that they are not too big in size either. Given time, they would make up on that. Yet, she was fascinated by the way they swim.
They looked like they were actually dancing in the water. They glided effortlessly and moved gracefully. When they came up for some air, it was as if they were kissing each other’s cheeks. When they sensed that someone was looking, they dived underneath. As if they were shy and embarrassed that she saw a private moment.
She wanted to know what they were thinking. Or what it was like to be them. Yet, when she yelled the questions, they pretended they didn’t hear her. They turned their backs and swam further.
She had to stop them. She wasn’t ready for them to leave and she knew she had to do something about it so she put one foot in the murky water. Enticing them with what she has. She has learnt of thing they like most so she used that knowledge to get them to come to her.
They didn’t hear her, but they felt her stirring the water. They sensed her need and they got a whiff of her smell and her blood.
They knew she was teasing them. They knew that the moment they reached her, she would pull her foot out of the water, but they cannot help but swimming closer.
She was that kind of a woman. A teaser. One who would do anything just so she could get her way. One who would give a sultry glance and flaunt her beauty. The gestures had come naturally. Perhaps, in her past life, she had been a bit of a temptress. She liked the idea. It felt just about right. Their personalities were so strong that she needed something to help keep them in line.
Yet, she wasn’t solely to blame.
They were part of this game. This was how they were brought up. If they were happy, they would not go looking for excitement out of their boundaries. The truth was that they were hungry for more. Common things at home were no longer exciting for them. They want a red blooded one.
She was still there.
They wanted to kiss her feet, rub her knees and move up to her thighs. When they find the right moment, they would sink their little fangs into her flesh.
She would not even scream.
12 Dec 2003
She stood on the steps and looked at them with a smile on her face. They looked happy and carefree like the world belongs to them. When they emerged from under the water, their dark skins glistening from the heat of the sun.
From where she can see them, she figured they were still young. They still have so much to learn. There’s no denying that they are not too big in size either. Given time, they would make up on that. Yet, she was fascinated by the way they swim.
They looked like they were actually dancing in the water. They glided effortlessly and moved gracefully. When they came up for some air, it was as if they were kissing each other’s cheeks. When they sensed that someone was looking, they dived underneath. As if they were shy and embarrassed that she saw a private moment.
She wanted to know what they were thinking. Or what it was like to be them. Yet, when she yelled the questions, they pretended they didn’t hear her. They turned their backs and swam further.
She had to stop them. She wasn’t ready for them to leave and she knew she had to do something about it so she put one foot in the murky water. Enticing them with what she has. She has learnt of thing they like most so she used that knowledge to get them to come to her.
They didn’t hear her, but they felt her stirring the water. They sensed her need and they got a whiff of her smell and her blood.
They knew she was teasing them. They knew that the moment they reached her, she would pull her foot out of the water, but they cannot help but swimming closer.
She was that kind of a woman. A teaser. One who would do anything just so she could get her way. One who would give a sultry glance and flaunt her beauty. The gestures had come naturally. Perhaps, in her past life, she had been a bit of a temptress. She liked the idea. It felt just about right. Their personalities were so strong that she needed something to help keep them in line.
Yet, she wasn’t solely to blame.
They were part of this game. This was how they were brought up. If they were happy, they would not go looking for excitement out of their boundaries. The truth was that they were hungry for more. Common things at home were no longer exciting for them. They want a red blooded one.
She was still there.
They wanted to kiss her feet, rub her knees and move up to her thighs. When they find the right moment, they would sink their little fangs into her flesh.
She would not even scream.
12 Dec 2003
Thursday, 16 March 2006
of things
The weather is so unpredictable. On Monday, I was caught in a storm in Manchester. Then today, as I was driving back from Newport, it was heavy rain all the way but when I got to Chelsea, the sun was out and smilling at all of us.
I had a quiet but an ok time walking in town. Been in and out of every Boots, Superdrug, Debenhams etc etc, looking for stuffs for friends.
Some jumpa, some tak jumpa and since I don't have enough time (they need to be in hand by tomorrow), I am sorry to disappoint you if you don't get what you asked for.
It's been a long and weird week. Up and down all over the country. Since Jan it's been quiet but everything is picking up and all geared for Easter. I'm quite pleased that my time is filled up to the neck, yet, there's still unclear air about me.
I don't think there's enough appeal anymore for me to stick with this job. I keep thinking about moving on for some times, but I'm not sure I can leave.
To be honest, I'm scared of new environment, new people and new place.
I am tired of not talking.
I am tired of thinking.
I am tired of not doing.
I am just tired. Period.
I had a quiet but an ok time walking in town. Been in and out of every Boots, Superdrug, Debenhams etc etc, looking for stuffs for friends.
Some jumpa, some tak jumpa and since I don't have enough time (they need to be in hand by tomorrow), I am sorry to disappoint you if you don't get what you asked for.
It's been a long and weird week. Up and down all over the country. Since Jan it's been quiet but everything is picking up and all geared for Easter. I'm quite pleased that my time is filled up to the neck, yet, there's still unclear air about me.
I don't think there's enough appeal anymore for me to stick with this job. I keep thinking about moving on for some times, but I'm not sure I can leave.
To be honest, I'm scared of new environment, new people and new place.
I am tired of not talking.
I am tired of thinking.
I am tired of not doing.
I am just tired. Period.
Tuesday, 14 March 2006
is this life?
Some people seem to be just good at life. They glide effortlessly onwards and upwards, always know the right things to say and do, in every situation.
They are happy (for most part) and they know how to roll with life's punches. They have time for everybody and always seem to know what's important (and how to deal with what's not).
Though they are not many of these people, but most generally live happier and fulfilled lives.
Is there something they know and do that I don't? Is it something I could learn?
I often wonder whether this is the end of the road for me. Would I ever be destined to greatness? Was I going to be a spectator only?
Sometimes I think this is all I can have. I know I don't ask a lot, but it seems like 'a lot' is translated as nothing at all. How much more can a person push to get what one wants, only to get disappointed over and over again?
They are happy (for most part) and they know how to roll with life's punches. They have time for everybody and always seem to know what's important (and how to deal with what's not).
Though they are not many of these people, but most generally live happier and fulfilled lives.
Is there something they know and do that I don't? Is it something I could learn?
I often wonder whether this is the end of the road for me. Would I ever be destined to greatness? Was I going to be a spectator only?
Sometimes I think this is all I can have. I know I don't ask a lot, but it seems like 'a lot' is translated as nothing at all. How much more can a person push to get what one wants, only to get disappointed over and over again?
Monday, 13 March 2006
a world without men
There seems to be a trend. One of a kind. The extinction of men.
Are the male species really in danger of extinction? The average person might laugh at this ridiculous suggestion. Aren't men at the top of the world in politics and business? Don't they run the world? In the past, this was true, but not now. And you know what, a number of serious scientists believe that we may be facing the most significant extinction, the end of men.
Oh wow!
1. Siegfried Meryn, M.D. - Women can perform (and on most occasions outperform) pretty much all the tasks traditionally reserved for men.
2. Devra Davis - Serious decline in male reproductive viability that seems to be caused by our destruction of the environment.
3. Dr. Bryan Sykes - Y chromosome is suffering from increasing decay which is affecting fertility. He estimates that guys have another 125,000 years. (ah well, not soon enough, eh?)
4. Dr. Gerald Lincoln - Men are experiencing Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS). Men deny they have problems because they are supposed to "be strong." I believe men often express depression through irritability, anger, alcohol, and acting out. (which in the end irritates women to no end)
Do we really need men? For all the heartaches and lousy relationships, (does it matter whether the women are nice or nasty?), men are still losing out on both fronts.
Are the male species really in danger of extinction? The average person might laugh at this ridiculous suggestion. Aren't men at the top of the world in politics and business? Don't they run the world? In the past, this was true, but not now. And you know what, a number of serious scientists believe that we may be facing the most significant extinction, the end of men.
Oh wow!
1. Siegfried Meryn, M.D. - Women can perform (and on most occasions outperform) pretty much all the tasks traditionally reserved for men.
2. Devra Davis - Serious decline in male reproductive viability that seems to be caused by our destruction of the environment.
3. Dr. Bryan Sykes - Y chromosome is suffering from increasing decay which is affecting fertility. He estimates that guys have another 125,000 years. (ah well, not soon enough, eh?)
4. Dr. Gerald Lincoln - Men are experiencing Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS). Men deny they have problems because they are supposed to "be strong." I believe men often express depression through irritability, anger, alcohol, and acting out. (which in the end irritates women to no end)
Do we really need men? For all the heartaches and lousy relationships, (does it matter whether the women are nice or nasty?), men are still losing out on both fronts.
mimpi yang sempurna
Mungkinkah bila ku bertanya pada bintang-bintang dan bila ku mulai merasa bahasa kesunyian sedarkah aku yang berjalan dalam kehampaan terdiam, terpana, terbata
Semua dalam keraguan, aku dan semua yang terluka kerana kita, aku kan menghilang dalam pekat malam
Lepas ku melayang biarlah ku bertanya pada bintang-bintang tentang arti kita dalam mimpi yang sempurna…
PP
Semua dalam keraguan, aku dan semua yang terluka kerana kita, aku kan menghilang dalam pekat malam
Lepas ku melayang biarlah ku bertanya pada bintang-bintang tentang arti kita dalam mimpi yang sempurna…
PP
Sunday, 12 March 2006
In his arms
Hahaha... did I get your attention?
Yes... I was, in fact, in his arms. I was going to get bottled water from the vending machine for KT, and while I was counting my coins, I didn't see who was coming towards me. I walked straight into him. The stupid thing was I didn't realise it was him because I didn't look at his face, just saw his jacket. Malu kononnya. Dah jauh sikit, I glanced back and saw it was Nicholas. I missed my chance to squeeze him. Dang!
At least, we had another day ogling at him. And I can't stop looking at his lips. So very kissable. Geramnya. I know I know I'm sick, but I can dream, can't I?
Note: He said he looks more cold than cool in this pic. Well, you're still kissable, I say.
Yes... I was, in fact, in his arms. I was going to get bottled water from the vending machine for KT, and while I was counting my coins, I didn't see who was coming towards me. I walked straight into him. The stupid thing was I didn't realise it was him because I didn't look at his face, just saw his jacket. Malu kononnya. Dah jauh sikit, I glanced back and saw it was Nicholas. I missed my chance to squeeze him. Dang!
At least, we had another day ogling at him. And I can't stop looking at his lips. So very kissable. Geramnya. I know I know I'm sick, but I can dream, can't I?
Note: He said he looks more cold than cool in this pic. Well, you're still kissable, I say.
Friday, 10 March 2006
Siapa dia disisi Rangga?
Thursday, 9 March 2006
Bintang di Surga
My dear friend,
It's unfortunate that you were there in front of my firing squad. I am sorry for using you as a punching bag. I didn't mean to, and I regret that. I have never been involved in a fight or quarrel because I always walk away. I didn't know what got into me. To tell you the truth, I feel really bad after I sent you that email.
I know it sounds horrible like I'm making a judgment on your character, but I don't, really. I really care for you and appreciate what you are doing to help me. I mean, look at you, with your own problems you still have time to listen and go crazy thinking about me. I know you worry about me. Thank you for being there, and for not being mad at me for my neuroses.
Heh... it could be that I'm having midlife crisis? I just have doubts about myself and my self worth, but I promise that I will try to be positive from now on.
Please, from the bottom of my heart, accept my apologies.
I wish you were here. But since you're not, this song you'll hear is for you.
It's unfortunate that you were there in front of my firing squad. I am sorry for using you as a punching bag. I didn't mean to, and I regret that. I have never been involved in a fight or quarrel because I always walk away. I didn't know what got into me. To tell you the truth, I feel really bad after I sent you that email.
I know it sounds horrible like I'm making a judgment on your character, but I don't, really. I really care for you and appreciate what you are doing to help me. I mean, look at you, with your own problems you still have time to listen and go crazy thinking about me. I know you worry about me. Thank you for being there, and for not being mad at me for my neuroses.
Heh... it could be that I'm having midlife crisis? I just have doubts about myself and my self worth, but I promise that I will try to be positive from now on.
Please, from the bottom of my heart, accept my apologies.
I wish you were here. But since you're not, this song you'll hear is for you.
Wednesday, 8 March 2006
off the pitch!
Ronaldinho strikes!
The English fans sent Chelsea off to the Champions League with a hope that they will lose to Barcelona. And they did.
Barcelona 3 - Chelsea 2
Sorry ps, but I have to say that your team is the most hated team here. They hated Jose so much so that they wish for Chelsea's downfall. It doesn't matter even if the Blues are the only English team in the league.
Hooligans!
ManU, where are you?
The English fans sent Chelsea off to the Champions League with a hope that they will lose to Barcelona. And they did.
Barcelona 3 - Chelsea 2
Sorry ps, but I have to say that your team is the most hated team here. They hated Jose so much so that they wish for Chelsea's downfall. It doesn't matter even if the Blues are the only English team in the league.
Hooligans!
ManU, where are you?
of confession and personality split
I was going to write a confession, but I thought to myself it's too much.
There are certain things that need to be kept away from the danger blogging. Once I write them down, it won't be an easy task to swallow them back. I may be slaughtered for writing them for public viewing.
So, I'm keeping my confessions somewhere else, in another one of me. More like talking to a priest in a safe zone, and once I'm out of the box, they will not be discussed again. Or so I hope.
I have many skeletons, many weird ideas, many neurotic thoughts. And I certainly lack many many things that lead me to be uncomfortable in general. Dina said I have too much time on my own, that's why I beat myself up. I guess we are always hard on ourselves because no one else would.
I was a different person back then, now I don't know who I'm supposed to be. The person that I am now or then? Don't tell me to be myself, because then I will have to ask, who am I? And I do not have the answer.
Now, or then? Or a little bit of both. How?
There are certain things that need to be kept away from the danger blogging. Once I write them down, it won't be an easy task to swallow them back. I may be slaughtered for writing them for public viewing.
So, I'm keeping my confessions somewhere else, in another one of me. More like talking to a priest in a safe zone, and once I'm out of the box, they will not be discussed again. Or so I hope.
I have many skeletons, many weird ideas, many neurotic thoughts. And I certainly lack many many things that lead me to be uncomfortable in general. Dina said I have too much time on my own, that's why I beat myself up. I guess we are always hard on ourselves because no one else would.
I was a different person back then, now I don't know who I'm supposed to be. The person that I am now or then? Don't tell me to be myself, because then I will have to ask, who am I? And I do not have the answer.
Now, or then? Or a little bit of both. How?
You
Don't you feel sometimes the world is being so unfair to you? Like, it sets you up at a corner, forcing you to stand still, while the rest of them people continue walking past you.
The world didn't stop for you to catch up. It won't wait. If you're left behind, in a different time zone, then you have to push yourself.
You're 31 but you still think of the times when you were in your 20s. How you wish you could turn back time. How you wish you should have gone places. How you wish you could have a bigger car, bigger house and bigger pockets. How you wish you could have done this instead of that. How you wish things were easy for you. How you wish you could ease into conversations and be more extrovert and friendly.
You have diseases we called regret and envy. Curable only if you put your mind to it. If being envious makes you stronger and work harder, by all mean, go for it. It's only when it deters you from doing something worthwhile, you should let it go. It's destructive.
It will destroy the friendship you built and the people you love. It's unhealthy. You are a gone case.
So the world is being unfair, life is not fair either, but are you being fair to yourself? Give yourself a chance. You have so much going for you. You just lack confidence. Cry if you want to, but baby, look at your life differently.
You are courageous when others won't even leave their nests.
You are kind in a crazy world where people backstab each other.
You are fascinating while some are just vain and plain dull.
You have life experiences when others have money.
You smile when others frown.
You love when other people have hatred.
You care when others are busy being selfish.
Does it matter what people think of you? Well, maybe a little, but hey, this is who you are. You may not be beautiful or smart, but you've been given all these great qualities to be proud of. Let's be brave and face this.
You matter, darling, you matter.
The world didn't stop for you to catch up. It won't wait. If you're left behind, in a different time zone, then you have to push yourself.
You're 31 but you still think of the times when you were in your 20s. How you wish you could turn back time. How you wish you should have gone places. How you wish you could have a bigger car, bigger house and bigger pockets. How you wish you could have done this instead of that. How you wish things were easy for you. How you wish you could ease into conversations and be more extrovert and friendly.
You have diseases we called regret and envy. Curable only if you put your mind to it. If being envious makes you stronger and work harder, by all mean, go for it. It's only when it deters you from doing something worthwhile, you should let it go. It's destructive.
It will destroy the friendship you built and the people you love. It's unhealthy. You are a gone case.
So the world is being unfair, life is not fair either, but are you being fair to yourself? Give yourself a chance. You have so much going for you. You just lack confidence. Cry if you want to, but baby, look at your life differently.
You are courageous when others won't even leave their nests.
You are kind in a crazy world where people backstab each other.
You are fascinating while some are just vain and plain dull.
You have life experiences when others have money.
You smile when others frown.
You love when other people have hatred.
You care when others are busy being selfish.
Does it matter what people think of you? Well, maybe a little, but hey, this is who you are. You may not be beautiful or smart, but you've been given all these great qualities to be proud of. Let's be brave and face this.
You matter, darling, you matter.
Sunday, 5 March 2006
sejuukknye...
Isabeeellaaaa aaadaaalah kisah cinta duaaa duniaaaaa
mengapaa kita berjumpaaa
namun akhirrnyaaa terpisahhh...
bla bla bla...
blaaaaa
Diaaaaaaaaaa Isabellaaaaaa..
lambang cintaaaaa yang laraaaaa
terpiiiiisah keranaa
adat yannngggg berbezaaaaa
Cinta guuuuugur bersamaaaaaa
daun-daunnnn kekeringaaan
haluann hidupkuu
terpisah dengannn Isabella
kini aku terpaksaaa
demi cintakuu Isabellaaa
mooga dibukakannn
pintuuu hatimu untuuukkuuuu
agar terbentang jalannnn
andainya kau setiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
oh Isabellaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Buuuuuuuuulan madu diiiii awan biruuu
tiada yang mengganggu
jeng jeng jeng jeng
buuuuuuuuuulan madu di atas pelangiiii
hanya kitaa berduaaaa
mengecap nikmat cintaa
yang putih tak terbanddingg
sesuci embun pagii
andaiiii terpisah langiiiit dan bumi
musnaaaaahh lah ilham
hilanggg pedoman
andaiiiiii terpisah cahya dan bulaann
gelapppp gelitaaaaa
punaahhh asmaraaa
tengah tunggu tube tadi sejuk sangat. kena jalan2 loncat2 gedik2 to warm up. tetiba I saw ada cctv kat depan tu, hehehe... hentam saja lah labuuuuu.. rock kapak.. bukan depa dengaq pun. nyeh nyeh nyeh..
mengapaa kita berjumpaaa
namun akhirrnyaaa terpisahhh...
bla bla bla...
blaaaaa
Diaaaaaaaaaa Isabellaaaaaa..
lambang cintaaaaa yang laraaaaa
terpiiiiisah keranaa
adat yannngggg berbezaaaaa
Cinta guuuuugur bersamaaaaaa
daun-daunnnn kekeringaaan
haluann hidupkuu
terpisah dengannn Isabella
kini aku terpaksaaa
demi cintakuu Isabellaaa
mooga dibukakannn
pintuuu hatimu untuuukkuuuu
agar terbentang jalannnn
andainya kau setiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
oh Isabellaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Buuuuuuuuulan madu diiiii awan biruuu
tiada yang mengganggu
jeng jeng jeng jeng
buuuuuuuuuulan madu di atas pelangiiii
hanya kitaa berduaaaa
mengecap nikmat cintaa
yang putih tak terbanddingg
sesuci embun pagii
andaiiii terpisah langiiiit dan bumi
musnaaaaahh lah ilham
hilanggg pedoman
andaiiiiii terpisah cahya dan bulaann
gelapppp gelitaaaaa
punaahhh asmaraaa
tengah tunggu tube tadi sejuk sangat. kena jalan2 loncat2 gedik2 to warm up. tetiba I saw ada cctv kat depan tu, hehehe... hentam saja lah labuuuuu.. rock kapak.. bukan depa dengaq pun. nyeh nyeh nyeh..
Saturday, 4 March 2006
phewwww...
they finally found Nick.
Yeah.. yeah... you probably watched it already but man! It was so intense. Poor guy, I love him and Warrick, but hey, Grissom the one that gets my juice going :)
Yeah.. yeah... you probably watched it already but man! It was so intense. Poor guy, I love him and Warrick, but hey, Grissom the one that gets my juice going :)
Thursday, 2 March 2006
last night
I felt like I want to scream from the top of my lung. Sampai burst! Last night I refused to switch on the pc because I didn't want to write down what I was feeling.
Because they're all ugly. Because I'm losing it.
I don't even know what's it?
There are many other people who suffer greater challenges but here I am wallowing and pitying my self.
I am never going to get out of this shell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel trapped, I don't know where to move, what to do, how to begin or what to say. What is wrong with me?
Things sure are going to catch up with me, and when they do, I won't know how to deal with it. Like now.
And before you tell me kind words, please, there's so much one can say but I do walk alone. You don't know what's bugging me either, and nobody can help me except me. I am not mad at anybody, really, just at myself.
I feel like I want to cry but there's no tear. I don't even know why I want to cry. Just huge bubble of frustration. Seems like it's stuck with me, or I'm stuck with it. Huh?
btw, I am not a liverpool fan.
Because they're all ugly. Because I'm losing it.
I don't even know what's it?
There are many other people who suffer greater challenges but here I am wallowing and pitying my self.
I am never going to get out of this shell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel trapped, I don't know where to move, what to do, how to begin or what to say. What is wrong with me?
Things sure are going to catch up with me, and when they do, I won't know how to deal with it. Like now.
And before you tell me kind words, please, there's so much one can say but I do walk alone. You don't know what's bugging me either, and nobody can help me except me. I am not mad at anybody, really, just at myself.
I feel like I want to cry but there's no tear. I don't even know why I want to cry. Just huge bubble of frustration. Seems like it's stuck with me, or I'm stuck with it. Huh?
btw, I am not a liverpool fan.
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