Ever since I become friend with The Black Widow, I enjoy late night chats and lepaks. Although I normally reserve my lepak time with just close friends, I have to admit that this time I quite like it even though we didn't know each other prior to this.
In my opinion, we are quite similar in some ways yet very different in many other ways. That's what make it all the more interesting. Being amicable, friendly and full of good-natured traits, we found ourselves fast becoming close friends.
For the second time since I come to the UK, I feel that there is someone genuine who share similarities and that there is someone who would listen to my rants and nonsense, other than the people who read my blog. This is a real person whom I can talk to without reservation, and someone who won't hesitate in telling me what is on her mind.
She let me be me, and doesn't judge what I did in my past life. I dunno, as a rule, I just don't like talking about me or my problems or my shortfalls or my worry. With our chatting sessions, I gradually open up more than I realised. She listened and commented here and there, but one thing she never did was criticising my behaviours. I never felt that she looks down at me or at what I do for a living or at my lack of agama or wealth. Amazing enough, she told me what she did is praying for me to change to become a better person than I am now.
I choked when I hear that. Here is a person who knows little about me and that I am not a good Muslim. The daily praying ritual is not the top priority in my to do lists. I drink when I feel like it. I'm ashamed to say I pretty much did everything that is forbidden that I might be the first to go to hell. I admit all that.
Yet, she makes me feel that there's still something out there for me to reach out. There's still God watching over me. Tonight, without shame, I asked about the qiblat. And I am grateful that she didn't point her finger at me or give that disapproving look. To learn that she has that much faith makes me dizzy in a good way.
Simultaneously, I enjoy listening to her tales of her children and I try to be someone she can confide in when she's in dilemma over the many issues she encounters. She, in her own way, is coping with her loss and heartache of being away from loved ones. I noticed that we both need this emotional bonding due to the fact that our best friends are so far away. We have no one else to turn to who could understand our sensitivity and emotional disability.
It's quite rare to find a person who share the same principles and understand the need to be one own self. We refuse to meddle into other people's businesses and in return all we ask is for the others not to pry into our precious lives.
I won't hesitate to give my heart if she asked for it because I think she feels the same. She needs someone to be there, yet leaves her be when she feels suffocated. Tonight, I listened to her ranting about the harrasment she gets from the men who lust after her and expect her to give back something in return for their attention or so called kindness that they bestowed upon her. I pity her when I hear about the emotional blackmail people used on her to get what they want.
On most days I look forward to having our late night session. I was used to being so independent and rely on myself that when I first met her I feel a little awkward letting her take charge, and vice versa. Little by little, we have established an understanding that one of us would be the stronger one and keep the other one in line whenever needed. She made an effort to learn about the things I like and dislike and that warms my heart. I never knew what it feels like to manja, but she let me manja with her whenever I feel like it and when she wants to manja with me, I let her. It's funny though, cause both of us are not the giggly, girly girl kinda person.
On the other hand, I think that this bond between us has make others slightly uneasy. I know sometimes this relationship, if I may call it a relationship, is viewed with suspicion or even envy. I know it's still at an early stage but I hope it is strong enough to withstand all obstacles. I am beginning to love this woman just like I love my best friends.
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