After many years of happily separated from my own community, I thought that it would be a good idea to integrate and blend in with my own people. I do miss the occasional banter, the friendliest gestures and the familiarity of having the same root.
I thought I would miss out on a few things if I keep away. I thought that the people in this metropolis would be slightly different. I thought that they'd be more open. I thought wrong.
Tonight, I realised why I kept away from people like you. For a while there, I remember why I hate the melayu and the spoilt brats.
Go ahead. Bash me for hating my own race, but what good is my people to me if they keep mocking me and my job?
It would be wrong to say that I am comfortable with what I am doing now. I never felt this way before but after moving here, I felt like I'm up for unwelcome criticism and sneering. Maybe it is my fault for feeling this way, maybe it is just my feeling. And they will say, 'jangan pedulikan people like this', 'not all malays like this'... bla bla bla.... If that's what you're going to say, fuck off from my blog!
I am bloody angry, disappointed and hurt.
How could I not feel hurt? The first time it happened I kept quiet. I put it down to naivety. I could still laugh about it when they say my van is 'van perompak'. Tapi malam ni I cannot tahan. How could they? Cakap tak pakai otak ke? Mak bapak tak ajar anak ke? Kurang ajar punya budak! Cakap pun tak reti berlapis.
I thought I am strong and tough, and I kept saying to myself that I didn't give a damn about what people think of me. The truth is I am very sensitive and sometimes cepat merajuk. You can say what you like about me, but I had enough of people laughing at my friends who ride with me in my ice cream van. All I need is just a little respect. I tak malu drive my van and I am not ashamed of my job, but people like you makes me retreat into my shell. You are not worth my time. And I hate you and pity you for having that short fused otak!
For a while there, I remember why I was reluctant to hire the melayu to help me out when I was desperate. I prefer the Poles. I am going to be honest here. To those I helped, did I get as much as a thank you note from you? No, right? So, forget about asking for a part time job, for a favour or for anything else. Pergi mampus korang lah. I pun survived on my own. At least the Poles always appreciate what I've done for them.
I may not make as much money as you (get from fama). I don't hold fancy titles to my name. But I work my butt off to support myself. Ada I asked for your help? Ada I menyusahkan hidup korang? Nasi aku makan, korang bayar ke? Bila nak tumpang, nak ajak I jalan, sanggup pulak korang naik van perompak tu yek?
Bloody ungrateful bitch!
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