I woke up on Sunday with swollen eyes and headache as big as telur unta.Some years ago, I used to wake up in the middle of the night with wet eyes. Crying in sleep is not my favourite thing to do but it just happened. Sometimes I think I ni macam Ning Yatimah pulak, ratu airmata zaman dulu dulu tu.
You might think that I’m drowning in self-pity and wallowing of the past. Think what you like. I don’t need to justify. Only now I realized it’s time to talk about it.
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Mak was coming home. You know orang tua, they don’t like to stay in a hospital and they would rather be in a familiar surrounding. Before she came home, I had to make sure that the house was in perfect order. Didn’t want her to come home to a house behaving badly.
Doc gave a green light to take her home but her whole body was like half paralysed. But lucky for her, the stroke was just mild. She still couldn’t move and she had to depend on us, but we were told that if she eat right and exercise regularly, she'd be back on her feet in no time at all.
Dah kemas bilik and all, but Mak bersungut dowan to stay in the bedroom. Rimas agaknya. Even though Mak tak boleh bercakap sangat tapi kalau letak telinga dekat dekat, boleh paham lah apa dia nak bagitau tu.
Because Mak taknak stay in the room, we prepared the bed in the living room. Masa tu tak kisah lah sebab the most important was Mak’s comfort. Lagipun the area is big, senang nak care for her.
Sebenarnya, I can’t remember whether the bros and sis balik kampong to see Mak when this happened. I think Aci balik pun for a few days only.
The other night when I suddenly remembered all these, I thought to myself Aci must have had the second shock of her life in the same year. In Feb, she gave birth to a baby girl in her eighth month, but Hidayah stopped breathing 30 minutes after delivery. Aci was heartbroken, hati mana tak sedih bila anak dikandung meninggal and every time she saw my bro’s daughter, she had this really sad look on her face. Tak pernah sekali dia merungut tapi sometimes she’d cry non-stop thinking about her baby. I am not a mother yet but mothers out there must know the feelings Aci had gone through. And Mak being a mother would understand her daughter’s heartache. Mak was there, taking care of her. Not a minute she spent apart from Aci. When Aci menangis malam malam, Mak was there to comfort and hug her. And then 5 months later Mak was bedridden. It must have been really hard on Aci.
Ateh and I were the ones at home all the time. I slept next to Mak, just in case she needed something during the night and Ateh would normally sleep on the sofa behind us. Bapak was just being bapak. (I had issues with Bapak but I blogged about it previously)
Every morning, I’d use wet cloth to wipe and wash up Mak, and when I did this I often saw traces of airmata. It was hard to maintain my own calmness but I can’t let her see me looking so sedih. Bila bergenang airmata tu, I quickly turned away so that she didn’t see me and I always try to cover up my sebakness by coughing.
While I was changing her baju and kain, Ateh would siang ikan, cut the chicken or potong sayur or whatever I asked him to do. He may be slow but he remembers every details of the things you told him, so cannot tell him lies. But what I hate most is because people know he’s like that, they took advantage of him. He once worked at a local factory not far from home and every time he came back with his wages, Mak would have to count for him. They thought they could get away by cheating him a few ringgit here and there, but Mak would always make sure he knew his right and stand up for it. Rasa macam nak terajang these people for cheating him.
For Mak’s meal, I used to make her all kinds of porridge and soup since she can’t take solid food. My first attempt to make porridge was very teruk, it didn’t taste like Mak normally buat.
Thank goodness for me, Mama (my sedara who wanted to match me with her son Aki) came to house with some food. I was ashamed that I couldn’t cook properly, I am my mother’s daughter, and I should know these things.
All the while when I was in the kitchen, Ateh would stay with Mak, and talk to her. Sometimes I could hear him ‘mak..nak picit tang mana mak?’
He would tell her about his chickens and burung puyuh. ‘Hari ni ayam bertelurq 6 bijik saja. Ayam jantan tu dok ligan yang betina. Tak tau pasai apa.’
Ateh also would wait nearby bila I feed Mak. Kekadang, Mak didn’t want to finish her food. She would geleng her kepala if she can’t take it anymore, and I had to persuade her to eat up because dia makan sikit sangat. Takut kalau tak makan nanti lagi teruk pulak. Lama jugak dok suap Mak, tapi masa ni lah aku rasakan sedih bila tengok Mak makan. Sebelum ni she was sihat and kuat and always the go-getter but now terbaring and terpaksa depend on anak-anak for everything.
For a man, Ateh is caring even if he looks selebet and rough. He has soft heart and gentle touch. He showed this when we both had to take Mak for a bath. There was no wheelchair in the house, so we came up with an idea to carry Mak on a normal chair. When I said carry, I meant we lifted the chair and carried Mak to the bathroom with our own hands. Often, we had to stop a couple of times because my arms were not as strong as Ateh. But Ateh was ever so patient.
Mak had waist-length hair, and I once asked her if we could cut them because they sometimes become kusut and berserabut that I had to wash and brush them carefully. Takut Mak sakit kepala jugak. Mak refused because she said Bapak suka rambut panjang. Tarik nafas panjang aku masa tu.
‘Malam ni mak nak makan apa? Sup ayam nak tak?
‘Petang ni Ateh nak tangkap pastu sembelih ayam sekorq’
Selalu bila dalam bilik ayarq tu, kena sembang with Mak, just to make sure that she felt included in everyday life. Sometimes I told her some funny stories that happened to Ateh and she would smile. I took it as a good sign.
Bila habis aku mandikan Mak, Ateh would come in and we carried her back to the bed. And bila selesai aku pakaikan Mak her nice baju Kedah, I would put some bedak on her face and then dropped long kissess on both of her cheeks. For almost two months, this was the routine. We made sure she was always cared for by none other than flesh and blood, and we helped with her exercise, with hope that she would be well and back on her feet again.
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