but nothing comes out.
The last few weeks saw me running back and forth KL-Kedah-KL. Damn tired! It's kinda weird because seems like I've been having a lot of health problems ever since. Been coughing non-stop since after raya. After the family trip to Langkawi, I had fever and terrible (I mean really horrible) cough. And yesterday, I started having back pain and it's killing me at night. To make matter worst, today, my tummy is acting up with diarrhea.
Arrrrrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
When it's ever gonna stop!!!?
I promise myself I will write about everything I've been through this holiday. Had some great memories as well as bad. Be patient. Words don't come easily.
Wednesday, 30 November 2005
Tuesday, 29 November 2005
I swear if someone asked me to teman her watch Harry Potter, I'd cast a spell and turn her into turnip! Last night, I went to teman another friend and I realized I must be crazy. I know I have time in my hands but watching HP for the 3rd time is plain cuckoo. Movie is not bad but maaannn... lama siot, and the ads are just the same ol boring stuff!
btw, Viktor Krum is yummy. the strong and silent type. aaaaahhhhhhhhhh...
btw, Viktor Krum is yummy. the strong and silent type. aaaaahhhhhhhhhh...
Sunday, 27 November 2005
Wednesday, 9 November 2005
Stories begin again
For me to start another blog just as I closed the first one is a wonder. How the heck am I gonna do it? Nevertheless, I believe that I was born a blogger.
This blog is just a place to tell stories and rants of any kinds, in reality or fantasy. After all, we are just actors playing our parts.
Kenapa? Tak percaya ke?
This blog is just a place to tell stories and rants of any kinds, in reality or fantasy. After all, we are just actors playing our parts.
Kenapa? Tak percaya ke?
Wednesday, 19 October 2005
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri
In about 30 minutes, taxi will be here to pick me up for Heathrow. I'm going home! Time for a well deserved break.
I had a great time here, making new friends and sharing life experiences. I couldn't ask for more. Though it's kinda hard to leave but it's time to take a step back.
Hopefully, when I come back to the blog world, everything will be fresh and better than before.
To all, I wish you enjoy life. Be good. Thank you for the wonderful year and please forgive me for any wrongdoings or comments that may have hurt you directly or indirectly.
Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.
See you when I see you.
I had a great time here, making new friends and sharing life experiences. I couldn't ask for more. Though it's kinda hard to leave but it's time to take a step back.
Hopefully, when I come back to the blog world, everything will be fresh and better than before.
To all, I wish you enjoy life. Be good. Thank you for the wonderful year and please forgive me for any wrongdoings or comments that may have hurt you directly or indirectly.
Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.
See you when I see you.
Monday, 10 October 2005
road to victory
8 months ago, I made a pact with myself. I had to do something about my ever disturbing battle with willpower.
It was nowhere near I want it to be. And the problem I had kept getting worse and it went up to... here (choking my neck) So, a drastic measure had to be taken.
It was really hard in the beginning, I kept postponing and making excuses even though I'd set the dateline on 15 Oct. In a few days, I will run out of time. The months have passed quite fast and I'm sad to say that I'm not even close to my target.
It was not impossible to do it in time I'd given myself, yet I didn't manage to achieve it. Mmmmm.. Looks like procrastination is still my big problem.
Though I haven't got what I aim for, I cannot say that I have failed. No. It would be wrong to say that. Instead of starting in Feb, I only started getting serious about it after my birthday. Ok, so I was a few months late, but I did do it and there's no turning back now.
Along the way, I am happy that I had push myself. It wasn't a perfect journey. Over and over again I keep losing willpower but somehow manage to regain it after pep talking myself. I had never gone this far before or felt any better. I cannot ruin what little victories I got.
I may not get what I want immediately, but I'm on the road to my destination. Hey... I'm actually halfway there, and that should be a good indication, isn't it?
No worries, Ewok. You will get there somehow.
It was nowhere near I want it to be. And the problem I had kept getting worse and it went up to... here (choking my neck) So, a drastic measure had to be taken.
It was really hard in the beginning, I kept postponing and making excuses even though I'd set the dateline on 15 Oct. In a few days, I will run out of time. The months have passed quite fast and I'm sad to say that I'm not even close to my target.
It was not impossible to do it in time I'd given myself, yet I didn't manage to achieve it. Mmmmm.. Looks like procrastination is still my big problem.
Though I haven't got what I aim for, I cannot say that I have failed. No. It would be wrong to say that. Instead of starting in Feb, I only started getting serious about it after my birthday. Ok, so I was a few months late, but I did do it and there's no turning back now.
Along the way, I am happy that I had push myself. It wasn't a perfect journey. Over and over again I keep losing willpower but somehow manage to regain it after pep talking myself. I had never gone this far before or felt any better. I cannot ruin what little victories I got.
I may not get what I want immediately, but I'm on the road to my destination. Hey... I'm actually halfway there, and that should be a good indication, isn't it?
No worries, Ewok. You will get there somehow.
Wednesday, 5 October 2005
friendship like ours
It is rare that you meet someone
who with that first smile
becomes your friend
Someone who knows nothing
about you one day
and all your secret thoughts the next
Someone who asks for nothing
in return for friendship
but friendship itself
Someone who makes it just as easy
to share sadness
as it is to share joy
I found that rare someone
when I found you.
And like a precious memory
a friendship like ours is forever
Dawn M.Miller
who with that first smile
becomes your friend
Someone who knows nothing
about you one day
and all your secret thoughts the next
Someone who asks for nothing
in return for friendship
but friendship itself
Someone who makes it just as easy
to share sadness
as it is to share joy
I found that rare someone
when I found you.
And like a precious memory
a friendship like ours is forever
Dawn M.Miller
Tuesday, 4 October 2005
Untukmu Ibu
Warning: Long and winding entry. Avoid if you don't want to get bored.
This Ramadhan is just going to be like the previous ones. Life has become quiet and less lively. Last puasa, I spent time in London and went walking down River Thames on first day of raya. I didn’t know anybody here and I wasn’t ready to get to know anybody.
When Mak was around, bulan puasa was the most anticipated time of the year. I enjoyed going home although I was only away from home 3 Ramadhans before she passed away.
Usually, one month before puasa, she would always go to a place called Tandop or Seberang Perak, looking for chicks. She would buy 30 ekor anak ayam for Ateh to bela and jaga in time for Ramadhan. As we start puasa, Bapak and Ateh would sembelih the ayams every other day. Sometimes, Ateh and I went running around the backyard chasing and trying to catch the chickens. Everyday was a feast. I remember everytime we were having ayam percik, I was entrusted as the tukang panggang. Oh how I loved it especially when I cannot puasa. Mak has a special recipe for marinating them, which I am now trying to master the way she did it with the right amount of the ingredients.
In our house, we never buy any food from the bazaar. Mak always cooked. She has a passion for food. Mak liked to get everything ready quite early. By 3 p.m., she would start mixing ingredients, be it cucurq udang, karipap, sfera, cucurq keria etc etc. If I feel like eating something, I need only to say it and she would make them for me. She knew I loved mee rebus, (not to be confused with mee bandung or mee kari, mee rebus is different and normally known to DKK) and when I come home from college, she would make sure I had my favorites on the table the first day I was home.
Throughout Ramadhan, I became her ever faithful assistant. I remember sometimes there were days when I sulked because the day was hot and all I wanted to do was lying around and doing nothing. Now, I realized that that were the quality times I spent with her. Nothing could ever take the memories away from me as they are so precious and close to my heart. I spent so much times with her at home that there were so much of her knowledge passed down to me, of which I need to carefully recall as I had subconsciously buried them.
She used to make cendul from scratch. I don’t know what she put in the mixture but I remember she mixed flour with air daun pandan to get the color green. She had this periuk that had lots of lubang. I think it was Bapak who punched the lubang with his nails and hammer. Once the thick mixture was ready, she would pour into the periuk. Underneath the periuk was a bucket of cold water. She would use batang anak pokok pisang to stir and press in the periuk. The mixture that plopped down through the lubang was hardened by the cold water to become isi cendul that was far better than the ones sold at the bazaar.
We are lucky because I think we were spoilt food-wise. Mak always preferred to prepare homemade food rather than buying. We had the best, all natural and free of any artificials. Gone were those days.
In the late afternoon, after all the food was ready, Mak would fill several plates to give away to the neighbors. She always made extra. I liked it when I bring them over to each house. The anticipation to find out what the neighbors would give back. It wasn’t that we expect them to return our gestures but it was just a matter of courtesy. The waiting and game guessing of who made what was fun for me and Ateh. I hardly came home empty handed.
When we break fast, we never ever eat rice first. In fact we hardly had rice. Normally, it would be meehoon, mee etc. Nasi was only for soq (sahur) only. We would only have drink, a few bites of the cucurq and dates and off we go for a prayer. After prayer, we would then resume dinner. The first Ramadhan I was away from home, I cried buckets on the phone to Mak. I missed home terribly, yet I was only in Shah Alam and already 18!
I loved the time when it was getting close to raya. She always had people ordering baulu from her. She made the best baulu in the kampung, only RM10 for 100 pieces. When I was very little, I liked eating the burned baulu so she kept them for me. At least, they were not wasted. As I grew up, I became quite picky and I didn’t want them anymore. I went for the golden fluffy, which are supposed to be sold to the customers. So, she told me off and made me make my own baulu. At 6 a.m., she would prepare ingredients ie eggs and sugar using her Moulinex. This would go on forever until she finished all 30 or 50 eggs for the day.
In the meantime, as the first batch of eggs and sugar was well beaten, she would add the flour and mix them slowly. I had to learn how much to put in the acuan, too much it would balloon up, too little it would look like my hidung penyek. The baulu was baked not in an oven but in a primitive way with dapur minyak tanah, claypot and bara sabut. I learnt that in the claypot, sands and wet papers were used as a shield or barrier to prevent the api from baking the bottom part of baulu faster that the upper part. Oh, I am confusing myself, but as long as I can visualize this, I think I am still ok.
2 weeks before raya, we would start our cookies sessions. Mak and I loved baking cakes and cookies and we liked to try many new recipes. This reminds me that I will have to do a thorough search for her thick recipe books. We never buy biskut raya when Mak was still alive. No way Jose! The must have biskut raya were samperit, biskut makmur, cornflakes (our own style – I’ve never seen it at any other house except at Wa’s) and baulu. The rest of the biskut raya were trial and error. At one raya, between the two of us, we made about 20 odd types of biskut and 6 different cakes. Excuse me, but we all had different tastes and not willing to sacrifice our cakes. Moist choc cake for me, fruit cake for Bapak, marble cake for Mak, kek lapis for Aci, orange for Na and kek batik for Ateh. Phewww!
As we get closer to raya, there were the ketupat to do. Mak made the ketupat palas as well as ketupat nasi because Javaman is orang Johor. I was forced to learn menganyam daun kelapa, but I do enjoy making ketupat palas. It’s one of the skills I haven’t forgotten.
In a way, I guess I am anak Mak. I will always try to cook or imitate her style. Nothing else is better than Mak’s.Sometimes, the child in me felt like protesting. I wanted to play mercun with Ateh. One night, many Ramadhan ago, I defied arahan Mak and went out to play. As I was coming home, I tripped over a big batu on the road and injured my leg. Until today, I still bear the huge scar on my right knee. It is ugly and there’s nothing I can do about it but it is also served as a reminder to me.
Gosh! There’s so much to recall and write about home. Words don’t come as easily to me. And some things made me really sad and I weep as I remember them.
Oh ibu,
Kau disiram bayu pagi
Kehilangan terasa kini
Dan kesepian
Dan aku bagai purnama gerhana
Di ibarat lautan kering
Tiada tempat kulayarkan
Hasratku ini
Masih belum sempat
Ku buktikannya kepadamu
Ibu tersayang
Ku curahkan rahsia hati
Ku tatapi potret mu berulang kali
Ku renungkan kalimah yg diberi
Tuhan yang Esa
Ampuni dosa ibu
Tempatkan mereka
Di antara kekasih-kekasih mu
Oh ibu
Kau kasih sejati
Ku taburkan doa
Untukmu ibu
Ampunilah dosa ku
Sejak ku dilahirkan
Hingga akhir hayatmu
Di saat ini ku teruskan hidup
Tanpa bersama mu ibu
Kini aku
Hilang tempat mengadu
Oh ibu
Damailah engkau di sana
Kutaburi doa mewangi
Hanya dari anakmu
Ibu
This Ramadhan is just going to be like the previous ones. Life has become quiet and less lively. Last puasa, I spent time in London and went walking down River Thames on first day of raya. I didn’t know anybody here and I wasn’t ready to get to know anybody.
When Mak was around, bulan puasa was the most anticipated time of the year. I enjoyed going home although I was only away from home 3 Ramadhans before she passed away.
Usually, one month before puasa, she would always go to a place called Tandop or Seberang Perak, looking for chicks. She would buy 30 ekor anak ayam for Ateh to bela and jaga in time for Ramadhan. As we start puasa, Bapak and Ateh would sembelih the ayams every other day. Sometimes, Ateh and I went running around the backyard chasing and trying to catch the chickens. Everyday was a feast. I remember everytime we were having ayam percik, I was entrusted as the tukang panggang. Oh how I loved it especially when I cannot puasa. Mak has a special recipe for marinating them, which I am now trying to master the way she did it with the right amount of the ingredients.
In our house, we never buy any food from the bazaar. Mak always cooked. She has a passion for food. Mak liked to get everything ready quite early. By 3 p.m., she would start mixing ingredients, be it cucurq udang, karipap, sfera, cucurq keria etc etc. If I feel like eating something, I need only to say it and she would make them for me. She knew I loved mee rebus, (not to be confused with mee bandung or mee kari, mee rebus is different and normally known to DKK) and when I come home from college, she would make sure I had my favorites on the table the first day I was home.
Throughout Ramadhan, I became her ever faithful assistant. I remember sometimes there were days when I sulked because the day was hot and all I wanted to do was lying around and doing nothing. Now, I realized that that were the quality times I spent with her. Nothing could ever take the memories away from me as they are so precious and close to my heart. I spent so much times with her at home that there were so much of her knowledge passed down to me, of which I need to carefully recall as I had subconsciously buried them.
She used to make cendul from scratch. I don’t know what she put in the mixture but I remember she mixed flour with air daun pandan to get the color green. She had this periuk that had lots of lubang. I think it was Bapak who punched the lubang with his nails and hammer. Once the thick mixture was ready, she would pour into the periuk. Underneath the periuk was a bucket of cold water. She would use batang anak pokok pisang to stir and press in the periuk. The mixture that plopped down through the lubang was hardened by the cold water to become isi cendul that was far better than the ones sold at the bazaar.
We are lucky because I think we were spoilt food-wise. Mak always preferred to prepare homemade food rather than buying. We had the best, all natural and free of any artificials. Gone were those days.
In the late afternoon, after all the food was ready, Mak would fill several plates to give away to the neighbors. She always made extra. I liked it when I bring them over to each house. The anticipation to find out what the neighbors would give back. It wasn’t that we expect them to return our gestures but it was just a matter of courtesy. The waiting and game guessing of who made what was fun for me and Ateh. I hardly came home empty handed.
When we break fast, we never ever eat rice first. In fact we hardly had rice. Normally, it would be meehoon, mee etc. Nasi was only for soq (sahur) only. We would only have drink, a few bites of the cucurq and dates and off we go for a prayer. After prayer, we would then resume dinner. The first Ramadhan I was away from home, I cried buckets on the phone to Mak. I missed home terribly, yet I was only in Shah Alam and already 18!
I loved the time when it was getting close to raya. She always had people ordering baulu from her. She made the best baulu in the kampung, only RM10 for 100 pieces. When I was very little, I liked eating the burned baulu so she kept them for me. At least, they were not wasted. As I grew up, I became quite picky and I didn’t want them anymore. I went for the golden fluffy, which are supposed to be sold to the customers. So, she told me off and made me make my own baulu. At 6 a.m., she would prepare ingredients ie eggs and sugar using her Moulinex. This would go on forever until she finished all 30 or 50 eggs for the day.
In the meantime, as the first batch of eggs and sugar was well beaten, she would add the flour and mix them slowly. I had to learn how much to put in the acuan, too much it would balloon up, too little it would look like my hidung penyek. The baulu was baked not in an oven but in a primitive way with dapur minyak tanah, claypot and bara sabut. I learnt that in the claypot, sands and wet papers were used as a shield or barrier to prevent the api from baking the bottom part of baulu faster that the upper part. Oh, I am confusing myself, but as long as I can visualize this, I think I am still ok.
2 weeks before raya, we would start our cookies sessions. Mak and I loved baking cakes and cookies and we liked to try many new recipes. This reminds me that I will have to do a thorough search for her thick recipe books. We never buy biskut raya when Mak was still alive. No way Jose! The must have biskut raya were samperit, biskut makmur, cornflakes (our own style – I’ve never seen it at any other house except at Wa’s) and baulu. The rest of the biskut raya were trial and error. At one raya, between the two of us, we made about 20 odd types of biskut and 6 different cakes. Excuse me, but we all had different tastes and not willing to sacrifice our cakes. Moist choc cake for me, fruit cake for Bapak, marble cake for Mak, kek lapis for Aci, orange for Na and kek batik for Ateh. Phewww!
As we get closer to raya, there were the ketupat to do. Mak made the ketupat palas as well as ketupat nasi because Javaman is orang Johor. I was forced to learn menganyam daun kelapa, but I do enjoy making ketupat palas. It’s one of the skills I haven’t forgotten.
In a way, I guess I am anak Mak. I will always try to cook or imitate her style. Nothing else is better than Mak’s.Sometimes, the child in me felt like protesting. I wanted to play mercun with Ateh. One night, many Ramadhan ago, I defied arahan Mak and went out to play. As I was coming home, I tripped over a big batu on the road and injured my leg. Until today, I still bear the huge scar on my right knee. It is ugly and there’s nothing I can do about it but it is also served as a reminder to me.
Gosh! There’s so much to recall and write about home. Words don’t come as easily to me. And some things made me really sad and I weep as I remember them.
Oh ibu,
Kau disiram bayu pagi
Kehilangan terasa kini
Dan kesepian
Dan aku bagai purnama gerhana
Di ibarat lautan kering
Tiada tempat kulayarkan
Hasratku ini
Masih belum sempat
Ku buktikannya kepadamu
Ibu tersayang
Ku curahkan rahsia hati
Ku tatapi potret mu berulang kali
Ku renungkan kalimah yg diberi
Tuhan yang Esa
Ampuni dosa ibu
Tempatkan mereka
Di antara kekasih-kekasih mu
Oh ibu
Kau kasih sejati
Ku taburkan doa
Untukmu ibu
Ampunilah dosa ku
Sejak ku dilahirkan
Hingga akhir hayatmu
Di saat ini ku teruskan hidup
Tanpa bersama mu ibu
Kini aku
Hilang tempat mengadu
Oh ibu
Damailah engkau di sana
Kutaburi doa mewangi
Hanya dari anakmu
Ibu
Sunday, 2 October 2005
The Boy will sit for his PMR this week. I think dah berbuih mulut Aci and Javaman bising at him, suruh study.
If he failed his Arab, they will kick him out of the maktab.
Boys... why are they just lazy? Bila tanya, dia buat buat bz study. Konon.
Good luck, boy. Many more tests coming your way soon. A sign that you are now growing up and becoming a man.
May you be a good one.
If he failed his Arab, they will kick him out of the maktab.
Boys... why are they just lazy? Bila tanya, dia buat buat bz study. Konon.
Good luck, boy. Many more tests coming your way soon. A sign that you are now growing up and becoming a man.
May you be a good one.
Saturday, 1 October 2005
It's October. The countdown to a closure.
You know you're addicted to blogging if:
- If you can’t access the site, you have a minor freak out - and a major case of hitting reload.
- You found yourself composing journal entries during dates, movies, driving, dinner, etc.
When you’re out, you suddenly think of a witty reply to a comment somebody made to you… several days ago. - You’ve downloaded some sort of program which has only the purpose of making entries easier to write without going on the site manually.
- You consider it a great offense if someone deletes you off their friend’s list.
- The first thing you do every day when you go online is check your friends journals - even before checking your email.
- When your friends ask what’s new, you get mad at them because you already wrote it in your blog and they didn’t check it yet.
- You can’t seem to call your friends by their real names.
- You have written posts to notify people you’re going to sleep.
- You talk about your blog friends to your real life friends all the time… like they’re a part of your group.
- You’ve created a blog community, and people actually post in it.
- You’ve been recognized in real life by fellow bloggers.
- Instead of doing research, you post difficult questions on your blog.
- You’ve stopped being friends with someone in real life because of something they’ve said on their blog.
- You have consoled yourself after a horrible day thinking “At least this will make a great post”
- You’re jealous of people who have more friends and/or comments than you.
- You have written a really great, solid post - only to be disappointed by the lack of good comments.
- You’re guilty of commenting excessively to get more traffic to your blog.
- You give shout outs to all your blog friends on their birthdays.
- You have an additional, secret journal that hardly anyone knows about.
- You have gotten mean anonymous comments and you can figure out who it was via their IP.
- You have more blog friends than real life friends.
- You're blogging in your head before you fall asleep.
- Your out of town husband and you converse in your blog's comments.
- You tell your friends and family things like, "I'll ping you and you ping me back," or "Okay, I want to trackback on your last comment..."
- You blog in your head an event that's happening at that very moment!
- You actually take the time to figure out how to set up Active Desktop in Windows just so that you can make your Bloglines MyBlogs page your Windows background.
- And then you actually leave it that way because you like it... and you make that your browser home page.
- You check your journal more than 10 times a day, or even 10 times an hour.
- You have more Journal Comment Alerts in your mailbox than spam.
- Your best friends have screen names and URLs instead of real names and street addresses.
- You log down the number on your hit counter before you sign off at night and check it first thing in the morning. You record these numbers for future reference.
- You have actually been late for work because you were reading your favorite journals.
- You family has to leave a comment on your journal to get your attention.
- You turn the volume up when you walk away from the computer so you can hear when the alert alarm sounds.
- Being the #1 Editor's Pick is more important to you then winning a Pulitzer Prize.
- You do the blog quizzes and post the results for everyone to see.
- You have been tagged for a meme, played along and later on you tag other bloggers.
- You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are blog addicts.
Wednesday, 28 September 2005
Not til she's ready
Last night, two people couldn't sleep, so they hang out in the living room. One was so engrossed with her computer while the other was just staring into the empty space.
"You said you were lonely," the person broke the ice.
"I was," she said.
"But don't you think you made yourself feel that way? Why don't you go out? Join a class or something." The person was judging her.
"I was busy, but I was also lonely."
"You were busy then, but now you can do something. All I see was you sitting in front of the computer."
"You wouldn't understand. I kept myself busy with work but, sometimes, that didn't cure my loneliness. I found friends through my computer when you weren't around. Now that you're here, don't expect me to leave my computer and entertain you. You know, dance or swimming classes require commitment, something I don't have during this limited time I have left."
Both of them remained quiet. The person, then, retired to bed.
She couldn't - wouldn't- be pressured by people she hardly knew to make decision that involved her life. She knows she's lost. She's lazy, perhaps. But no one can tell her what to do, not until she's ready to push herself.
No, there was only one person she could completely trust and depend on, and that was herself. Even if others meant well, she has to learn from her own mistakes.
She realized that years ago when she'd known the pain of loss, the fear of desertion and failure.It's foolish to worry about it. This feeling. It appeals as much as it frightens. It tempted her to daydream, and she'd almost given up on fantasies.
Not yet.
"You said you were lonely," the person broke the ice.
"I was," she said.
"But don't you think you made yourself feel that way? Why don't you go out? Join a class or something." The person was judging her.
"I was busy, but I was also lonely."
"You were busy then, but now you can do something. All I see was you sitting in front of the computer."
"You wouldn't understand. I kept myself busy with work but, sometimes, that didn't cure my loneliness. I found friends through my computer when you weren't around. Now that you're here, don't expect me to leave my computer and entertain you. You know, dance or swimming classes require commitment, something I don't have during this limited time I have left."
Both of them remained quiet. The person, then, retired to bed.
She couldn't - wouldn't- be pressured by people she hardly knew to make decision that involved her life. She knows she's lost. She's lazy, perhaps. But no one can tell her what to do, not until she's ready to push herself.
No, there was only one person she could completely trust and depend on, and that was herself. Even if others meant well, she has to learn from her own mistakes.
She realized that years ago when she'd known the pain of loss, the fear of desertion and failure.It's foolish to worry about it. This feeling. It appeals as much as it frightens. It tempted her to daydream, and she'd almost given up on fantasies.
Not yet.
Sunday, 25 September 2005
labu on a sunday
Hari ni, labu penat dan sakit badan. Bangun tidorq pun matahari dah tegak. Lepaih tu, dok melangut tak tau nak buat apa.
Semalam, apa mimpi tah, manusia2 yang buat labu sakit hati tu masak and served dinner untuk labu. Hmmm... nak ambik hati lah tu. Peeeraaahh!
Depa ajak labu pi mengedik kat The Sports Cafe. Ohhh... labu kalau pasai bab bab menari ni ok saja. The last time labu pi sana dj dia main lagu bukan main best lagi, so tu lah tak lepaih chan kali ni.
Dari pukui 12 sampai pukui 3 pagi. Lembek kaki. Bas nak balik ghumah pulak on diversion, jenuh berjalan kaki. Last last taxi jugak lah jawabnya.
Tapi labu rasa berbangga dengan diri sendiri. Sebab all the time dok berdisko, labu minum oren jus saja without vodka and tak isap rokok pon. In fact dah dekat 6 bulan dah tak buat benda benda tu. Alhamdulillah.
La ni, kena pi cari makan. Laparq nya bukan main lagi. Mawar, tunggu labu nak pi makan kat sana nooo.
Semalam, apa mimpi tah, manusia2 yang buat labu sakit hati tu masak and served dinner untuk labu. Hmmm... nak ambik hati lah tu. Peeeraaahh!
Depa ajak labu pi mengedik kat The Sports Cafe. Ohhh... labu kalau pasai bab bab menari ni ok saja. The last time labu pi sana dj dia main lagu bukan main best lagi, so tu lah tak lepaih chan kali ni.
Dari pukui 12 sampai pukui 3 pagi. Lembek kaki. Bas nak balik ghumah pulak on diversion, jenuh berjalan kaki. Last last taxi jugak lah jawabnya.
Tapi labu rasa berbangga dengan diri sendiri. Sebab all the time dok berdisko, labu minum oren jus saja without vodka and tak isap rokok pon. In fact dah dekat 6 bulan dah tak buat benda benda tu. Alhamdulillah.
La ni, kena pi cari makan. Laparq nya bukan main lagi. Mawar, tunggu labu nak pi makan kat sana nooo.
Friday, 23 September 2005
kisah si labu
Hari ni aku nak lepas geram.
Semalam bila aku balik keje, aku tengok ada orang kat rumah ni guna laptop aku lagi. Dah la tu, siap masuk baca blog aku and tinggal komen pulak tu. Ceh... tah tah dia ada baca bout beberapa entries aku dok mengutuk dia sebelum ni.
Nasib ko lah labu.Tapi, ni lah satu bende yang aku tak gemar. Harta aku dah dibuat macam harta sendiri pulak. Banyak cantik?!!!
Aku ni consider tak kedekut lah, sebab bila depa nak guna or pinjam apa-apa barang, aku mesti bagi punya. Dengan syarat, tanya lah dulu kan.
Sejak dua menjak ni, ada lah sorang kawan si Kfiatek ni mai dok menumpang kat rumah kami. Aku kenal minah ni, so bila dia mintak nak guna laptop sebab nak hantar cv, aku bagi lah. Aku offer jugak kalau nak guna hp aku sebab talk plan aku tu free to mana mana networks pun.
Pompuan ni kan, bagi betis dia nak paha pulak. Eessh.. tak boleh nak buat baik sikit, mesti adeee je orang nak pijak kepala. Ni yang aku tak tahan ni.
Aku paling geram betul lah time aku dok guna lappy, dia mai menempek kat sebelah aku dok tengok apa aku buat. Aku pelempang sekali kang baru tau! Aku punya suka lah nak buat apa pun, chat ka blog ka. Harta aku!
Tah apa tah depa buat dengan lappy aku ni, semalam tak leh nak open satu hapa ke benda program pun. Nak switch off pun tak boleh. Kalau ikutkan hati aku yg tengah hangat time tu, aku maki depa, tapi aku ni tak reti. Bodoh! Tu lah pasal aku jugak yang kena pomen sendiri after bergayut berjam-jam dengan mamat kat pc helpline.
Satu hal lagi ni pasai blog and bloggers' attitude.Kalau nak ikutkan, blog is tempat nak melepas geram, nak merapu, nak buat biskut, nak mandi bogel. Ikut suka hati hang lah apa hang nak tulis. Broken english, manglish, bob marley-ish, lantak ler. After all, masa aku dan hang beranak dulu lidah mak kita bukan lidah omputih pun.
Tapi yang tak syoknya, bila ada pulak bloggers yang jeles dengan other bloggers. Apahal? Ada orang tanya aku, pehal dina blog kat sini. Awat? Tak boleh ka? Aku nak tulis apa pun, aku nak invite sesapa pun, aku punya blog, hangpa peduli apa! Kadang-kadang tu pasai link mengelink pun boleh jadi hal (sigh)
Tengok gaya, bloggers ni ramai jugak yang 3 suku, macam aku jugak lah kan. Nak buat cam mana, semuanya repressed. Perangai kat luarq tu lain, kat blog lain. Yang macam hantu pun ada, yang macam jemuan pun ada.
Entah lah labu, apa nak jadi pun aku tak tau.
Aku ni dah duduk serumah dengan bermacam macam jenis org dah. Italian, Hungarian, Brazillian, Polish, Eritrean, Portugese etc etc. Dari permerhatian aku lah, antara depa ramai-ramai, orang yang mai dari poland ni aku consider paling kedekut.
Sebenarnya aku rasa depa tak lah teruk sangat. Depa ni rajin and memang kuat keje cuma kadang-kadang tu aku rasa meyampah sebab depa ni berkira sangat sampai ke last penny. Kalau boleh semuanya nak free je. Malas dah aku nak bersocialise dengan depa ni.
Lebih baik hidup sendiri. Alaa... nanti mati pun sorang jugak.Sigh.
Apa la hang merapu, labu?
Semalam bila aku balik keje, aku tengok ada orang kat rumah ni guna laptop aku lagi. Dah la tu, siap masuk baca blog aku and tinggal komen pulak tu. Ceh... tah tah dia ada baca bout beberapa entries aku dok mengutuk dia sebelum ni.
Nasib ko lah labu.Tapi, ni lah satu bende yang aku tak gemar. Harta aku dah dibuat macam harta sendiri pulak. Banyak cantik?!!!
Aku ni consider tak kedekut lah, sebab bila depa nak guna or pinjam apa-apa barang, aku mesti bagi punya. Dengan syarat, tanya lah dulu kan.
Sejak dua menjak ni, ada lah sorang kawan si Kfiatek ni mai dok menumpang kat rumah kami. Aku kenal minah ni, so bila dia mintak nak guna laptop sebab nak hantar cv, aku bagi lah. Aku offer jugak kalau nak guna hp aku sebab talk plan aku tu free to mana mana networks pun.
Pompuan ni kan, bagi betis dia nak paha pulak. Eessh.. tak boleh nak buat baik sikit, mesti adeee je orang nak pijak kepala. Ni yang aku tak tahan ni.
Aku paling geram betul lah time aku dok guna lappy, dia mai menempek kat sebelah aku dok tengok apa aku buat. Aku pelempang sekali kang baru tau! Aku punya suka lah nak buat apa pun, chat ka blog ka. Harta aku!
Tah apa tah depa buat dengan lappy aku ni, semalam tak leh nak open satu hapa ke benda program pun. Nak switch off pun tak boleh. Kalau ikutkan hati aku yg tengah hangat time tu, aku maki depa, tapi aku ni tak reti. Bodoh! Tu lah pasal aku jugak yang kena pomen sendiri after bergayut berjam-jam dengan mamat kat pc helpline.
Satu hal lagi ni pasai blog and bloggers' attitude.Kalau nak ikutkan, blog is tempat nak melepas geram, nak merapu, nak buat biskut, nak mandi bogel. Ikut suka hati hang lah apa hang nak tulis. Broken english, manglish, bob marley-ish, lantak ler. After all, masa aku dan hang beranak dulu lidah mak kita bukan lidah omputih pun.
Tapi yang tak syoknya, bila ada pulak bloggers yang jeles dengan other bloggers. Apahal? Ada orang tanya aku, pehal dina blog kat sini. Awat? Tak boleh ka? Aku nak tulis apa pun, aku nak invite sesapa pun, aku punya blog, hangpa peduli apa! Kadang-kadang tu pasai link mengelink pun boleh jadi hal (sigh)
Tengok gaya, bloggers ni ramai jugak yang 3 suku, macam aku jugak lah kan. Nak buat cam mana, semuanya repressed. Perangai kat luarq tu lain, kat blog lain. Yang macam hantu pun ada, yang macam jemuan pun ada.
Entah lah labu, apa nak jadi pun aku tak tau.
Aku ni dah duduk serumah dengan bermacam macam jenis org dah. Italian, Hungarian, Brazillian, Polish, Eritrean, Portugese etc etc. Dari permerhatian aku lah, antara depa ramai-ramai, orang yang mai dari poland ni aku consider paling kedekut.
Sebenarnya aku rasa depa tak lah teruk sangat. Depa ni rajin and memang kuat keje cuma kadang-kadang tu aku rasa meyampah sebab depa ni berkira sangat sampai ke last penny. Kalau boleh semuanya nak free je. Malas dah aku nak bersocialise dengan depa ni.
Lebih baik hidup sendiri. Alaa... nanti mati pun sorang jugak.Sigh.
Apa la hang merapu, labu?
Wednesday, 21 September 2005
Sometimes, I don't get it.
Malaysians are obsessed with branded things. Ok I admit I was guilty of the same crime long time ago. I remember my time in the States. We bought DKNY, Nine West and errr... honestly that's all I remember. Opss.. there's more. My cousins told me to buy Correlle, Mikasa bla bla bla. I was influenced.
When I look back, I feel sooo stupid.In April, when my sister was here, we went to meet a few of her friends scattered in the UK. What tickles me was that every one of them wants to bring back a beemer or merc. They work like mad, because that's their aim. Driving a beemer shows the kind of status one acquired.
Once in a while, someone whispered to me, 'cari duit banyak-banyak and then bila balik bawak la mercedes satu.' Hello? You think I'm like you izzit? I only want Toyota RAV4, hehe, but living the life of a pauper, there's no way I can pay road tax and insurance. But sometimes orang ni hold on to the pepatah, biar papa asal bergaya.
It's the same with shoes. I wear Nike because it's comfortable, pasar malam punya pun I tibai je, but I recalled a few incidents where I heard 'it's Nike, babe, NIKE.'
So what? Bapak ko punya kilang ke?
The one thing I dread is when I go home people will ask about my job. 'Keje apa?' Eksekutip ke? Tak. Keje kutip sampah je. Huurrghhh..Ok.
Now that I got that out of my system, I can go back to my rubbish truck.
When I look back, I feel sooo stupid.In April, when my sister was here, we went to meet a few of her friends scattered in the UK. What tickles me was that every one of them wants to bring back a beemer or merc. They work like mad, because that's their aim. Driving a beemer shows the kind of status one acquired.
Once in a while, someone whispered to me, 'cari duit banyak-banyak and then bila balik bawak la mercedes satu.' Hello? You think I'm like you izzit? I only want Toyota RAV4, hehe, but living the life of a pauper, there's no way I can pay road tax and insurance. But sometimes orang ni hold on to the pepatah, biar papa asal bergaya.
It's the same with shoes. I wear Nike because it's comfortable, pasar malam punya pun I tibai je, but I recalled a few incidents where I heard 'it's Nike, babe, NIKE.'
So what? Bapak ko punya kilang ke?
The one thing I dread is when I go home people will ask about my job. 'Keje apa?' Eksekutip ke? Tak. Keje kutip sampah je. Huurrghhh..Ok.
Now that I got that out of my system, I can go back to my rubbish truck.
Monday, 19 September 2005
end of blog life
I’ve been thinking of shutting the blog down for quite some times now. I know, I know, some of you who occasionally read it might care.
I started the blog because I was lonely. How, you might ask, with all the things happening in London? Well, you wouldn't understand it. I came here looking for something that weren't there. And I felt lonely during the process because that's the truth. I am here all alone. Thanks to OJ, I found blog and the rest is history.
In the last few weeks, I don’t feel inspired, anymore. I don’t feel like I want to write, anymore. Ah well. I’ve run out of things to say. It’s kinda funny because I hardly have a lot of things to begin with. I was feeling frustrated with my writing, as you know I'm not really a writer, a blogger yes, but a real writer no, and so I was feeling like I was running out of ideas, and I was putting a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be more witty and lighthearted with my posts, but to be honest, everything I wrote felt forced and insincere.
As you get to know me, I feel that sometimes I have to censor myself from writing an honest entry. Also, I think I had revealed many stories about my family more than I realized. I guess it’s time to take a back seat and be quiet.
I haven’t had this site for long. In fact, on Oct 21st, it’s going to be one year old. I will be home for my long holidays and probably won't have enough time for this site. Initially, I didn’t think I would last this long. The thing is blogging has taken so much of my time. Precious time that I could have spent doing something else. It’s like sleep blog, eat blog, everything blog.
It’s great while it lasts but I think I had enough.From blogging alone to having a guest blogger, I had enjoy this so much. It’s kinda sad too because through this blog, I made new friends and met wonderful people. I have also found family connection and long lost friends who stumbled upon my blog.
I have voiced my frustration to Lil Ms D a lot of times and we both agreed that this blog will cease to exist on its birthday. It's just a matter of finding the right time. Dinsy, you are a great source of inspirations. Love you to bits. But what has to be done has to be done. Thank you for coming on board and sharing this space with me. Your friendship is something I treasure. Never in a million years had I thought this could happen. You have the heart of an angel and I am honoured, you know.
Truthfully, I am grateful for the friendships offered and created over the months. I can never thank you enough for all comments. You guys have enough patience to read awful lots of stupid rants and have helped me during my darkest moods. To some of you, I apologize for not visiting your blogs often in the last few weeks. There are too many blogs to read but too little time.
Maybe one day, you may accidently find my new blog as I embark on another adventure, which is what I am trying to do. I am not giving any hints but who knows, kan? In the meantime, all I want to say is, so long, farewell.
I started the blog because I was lonely. How, you might ask, with all the things happening in London? Well, you wouldn't understand it. I came here looking for something that weren't there. And I felt lonely during the process because that's the truth. I am here all alone. Thanks to OJ, I found blog and the rest is history.
In the last few weeks, I don’t feel inspired, anymore. I don’t feel like I want to write, anymore. Ah well. I’ve run out of things to say. It’s kinda funny because I hardly have a lot of things to begin with. I was feeling frustrated with my writing, as you know I'm not really a writer, a blogger yes, but a real writer no, and so I was feeling like I was running out of ideas, and I was putting a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be more witty and lighthearted with my posts, but to be honest, everything I wrote felt forced and insincere.
As you get to know me, I feel that sometimes I have to censor myself from writing an honest entry. Also, I think I had revealed many stories about my family more than I realized. I guess it’s time to take a back seat and be quiet.
I haven’t had this site for long. In fact, on Oct 21st, it’s going to be one year old. I will be home for my long holidays and probably won't have enough time for this site. Initially, I didn’t think I would last this long. The thing is blogging has taken so much of my time. Precious time that I could have spent doing something else. It’s like sleep blog, eat blog, everything blog.
It’s great while it lasts but I think I had enough.From blogging alone to having a guest blogger, I had enjoy this so much. It’s kinda sad too because through this blog, I made new friends and met wonderful people. I have also found family connection and long lost friends who stumbled upon my blog.
I have voiced my frustration to Lil Ms D a lot of times and we both agreed that this blog will cease to exist on its birthday. It's just a matter of finding the right time. Dinsy, you are a great source of inspirations. Love you to bits. But what has to be done has to be done. Thank you for coming on board and sharing this space with me. Your friendship is something I treasure. Never in a million years had I thought this could happen. You have the heart of an angel and I am honoured, you know.
Truthfully, I am grateful for the friendships offered and created over the months. I can never thank you enough for all comments. You guys have enough patience to read awful lots of stupid rants and have helped me during my darkest moods. To some of you, I apologize for not visiting your blogs often in the last few weeks. There are too many blogs to read but too little time.
Maybe one day, you may accidently find my new blog as I embark on another adventure, which is what I am trying to do. I am not giving any hints but who knows, kan? In the meantime, all I want to say is, so long, farewell.
Tuesday, 30 August 2005
Notting Hill Carnival
I'm dead tired. Went with Maury and spent 5 hours wiggling and jiggling with the crowd, and I tried some of the Carribean food. There were loads of other food stalls and I even found M'sians selling karipap, satay, murtabak and pergedil. Not really tempted, sowwee.The song Nookie, proves to be the favorite to be played over and over by every group that took part.Huaaaarghh... soooo penat. Hafta sleep now. Just gonna let the pictures do the talking.
Tuesday, 23 August 2005
not for the underage
Words on the street: Textual Intercourse
You know what can work wonders for burgeoning realtionships? Of course, a well-formed, sexy text message now known as textual intercourse.
It's the bawdy banter that buzzes from your mobile to his or hers and back again after the first date. I'm sure you're creative enough to write saucy messages, which can go from 'had a gr8 nite wen can i c u agn?' to 'hv to mk passionate luv 2 u nw.'
A good text sex can bring you as close to orgasm as the real thing, although it does help if you have your phone on vibrate ;) Think of it as sex without the awkwardness or troublesome logistics of actual bodies.
You might be wondering what to write and what should be omitted in textual intercourse. I'd say anything goes, and you'll find yourself texting much dirtier words than you dare talking when you meet face to face.
For an added thrill, if I may suggest as most of mobile users are on pay-as-you-go or prepaid, make it to the climatic final message before your credit runs out. See whether it is as orgasmic as you think.
Two things you need to remember in textual intercourse. First, be sure to remove your mum's or dad's mobile number from speed dial. Fingers can slip in the heat of the moment. Second, take your phone off predictive text, or your randy recipient will wonder why you want to kick her puppy.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
You know what can work wonders for burgeoning realtionships? Of course, a well-formed, sexy text message now known as textual intercourse.
It's the bawdy banter that buzzes from your mobile to his or hers and back again after the first date. I'm sure you're creative enough to write saucy messages, which can go from 'had a gr8 nite wen can i c u agn?' to 'hv to mk passionate luv 2 u nw.'
A good text sex can bring you as close to orgasm as the real thing, although it does help if you have your phone on vibrate ;) Think of it as sex without the awkwardness or troublesome logistics of actual bodies.
You might be wondering what to write and what should be omitted in textual intercourse. I'd say anything goes, and you'll find yourself texting much dirtier words than you dare talking when you meet face to face.
For an added thrill, if I may suggest as most of mobile users are on pay-as-you-go or prepaid, make it to the climatic final message before your credit runs out. See whether it is as orgasmic as you think.
Two things you need to remember in textual intercourse. First, be sure to remove your mum's or dad's mobile number from speed dial. Fingers can slip in the heat of the moment. Second, take your phone off predictive text, or your randy recipient will wonder why you want to kick her puppy.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Sunday, 21 August 2005
childhood mischief
Do you remember our childhood times when we ruled the neighborhood? You taught me how to main laga ayam, though you were always on the other side of the ring.You took me with you looking for some ikan laga. After we found them, you'd find two empty balang Nescafe, put water and each ikan in a different balang and let them fight.
Do you remember our fun moments in the bendang? When it was time for air pasang, we would prepare our fishing rods. You made them from bamboo and always have extra kail for me just in case I lost mine. Under the heated sun, we just ignored mak's advice and went fishing in the sawah. I loved it when we caught ikan sepat, puyu, keli and haruan. Do you know that I loved puyu goreng?
Before the menuai padi time, you would take me along to catch belalang kuning. To grill and eat them, you said. I can't remember how it tasted like but I remember munching them. They were very crunchy.
Almost every evening, you and mother would teach me how to make and blow the seruling made from batang pokok padi. And after the padi has been harvested, we would play wau in the field. You taught me how to make kites from bamboo and papers. Everyone would be jealous of me for flying the highest wau because you put extra long string to mine.
Do you remember the time when mother used to tell father to take pictures of us together? We would sit next to each other, with a clip in my hair and you and me donning a similar Donnie and Marie t-shirts. Me in white and you in blue. There was a time when we were dressed up wearing a kimono because pakcik just came back from Japan. I felt like I was a real Japanese, only with big eyes.
Do you remember how you made me a senapang from wood when you and friends were playing tembak-tembak? I didn't want to be left out so you carved me one and went looking for batang pokok bemban to use as bullets.
What about that time when our house and the rest of the state had the worst flood? First you went looking for pokok pisang to make a rakit, but the two of us were too heavy for the small rakit. Then, you found tongs and tied them to a piece of wood to make a floating bridge. We look so cool on it because no one else had one like that. We went fishing, I think.
The bendang looked just like a sea and I fell into the water. Remember how I screamed and woke the neighbors when I saw 3 ekor lintah on my thighs? You came rushing to my rescue and squashed them dead while laughing at me.
When we came back from school, you would carry me on basikal mini to go to the madrasah for our mengaji time. You used to tease that you would let me to walk home, but you never did.You always have a soft spot for ayams and duckies. I came back from school to find that my little duckie had died, but you provided comfort in making sure that it had a proper burial place.
During raya, you were the culprit to buy all sorts of mercun. You and I would sit for hours in your room fixing things up and making them more exciting. Remember the time when a mercun katak jumped into bapak's kain pelekat and he had to londeh his kain? It was funny, innit? I loved the fact that our house was so bright and cheerful because you made the effort to prepare the pelita and more.
Hey, what about the time musim buah pelam? We had so many different pokok pelam all around the house. We had pelam epal, pelam isi putih, kuinin and a few others that I do not remember their names anymore. Mak and I used to hold a kain batik so that when you kait the buah, all of them would fall into the kain. My favorite was buah kuinin.
Do you remember I like to eat daun pokok jambu bola? Nobody ever heard or saw striped jambu bola before but I remember quite well that the young leaves were very tasty just like the jambu. I wonder if the species of jambu is no longer known to humankind. Now that I am older, I wish we didn't cut down all the trees around our house. It's a shame.
Although, we were quite close, I admit that I used to envy you. It was obvious that mak always preferred you. I was jealous that I stooped so slow and threw a brick at your head. You had seven stiches and I got caned. You were always in the good book with mak and you could never do wrong in her eyes. I didn't understand it until later.
Back then, we always did things together. Maybe because we are the only two left at home, and we didn't have a lot of friends. Do you know how much I miss that time? Ateh, do you know how much I want to tell you that you are a great abang? I wanna cry thinking of those things that the younger ones would never experience. At least, I had great childhood memories and someone to share with.
Do you remember our fun moments in the bendang? When it was time for air pasang, we would prepare our fishing rods. You made them from bamboo and always have extra kail for me just in case I lost mine. Under the heated sun, we just ignored mak's advice and went fishing in the sawah. I loved it when we caught ikan sepat, puyu, keli and haruan. Do you know that I loved puyu goreng?
Before the menuai padi time, you would take me along to catch belalang kuning. To grill and eat them, you said. I can't remember how it tasted like but I remember munching them. They were very crunchy.
Almost every evening, you and mother would teach me how to make and blow the seruling made from batang pokok padi. And after the padi has been harvested, we would play wau in the field. You taught me how to make kites from bamboo and papers. Everyone would be jealous of me for flying the highest wau because you put extra long string to mine.
Do you remember the time when mother used to tell father to take pictures of us together? We would sit next to each other, with a clip in my hair and you and me donning a similar Donnie and Marie t-shirts. Me in white and you in blue. There was a time when we were dressed up wearing a kimono because pakcik just came back from Japan. I felt like I was a real Japanese, only with big eyes.
Do you remember how you made me a senapang from wood when you and friends were playing tembak-tembak? I didn't want to be left out so you carved me one and went looking for batang pokok bemban to use as bullets.
What about that time when our house and the rest of the state had the worst flood? First you went looking for pokok pisang to make a rakit, but the two of us were too heavy for the small rakit. Then, you found tongs and tied them to a piece of wood to make a floating bridge. We look so cool on it because no one else had one like that. We went fishing, I think.
The bendang looked just like a sea and I fell into the water. Remember how I screamed and woke the neighbors when I saw 3 ekor lintah on my thighs? You came rushing to my rescue and squashed them dead while laughing at me.
When we came back from school, you would carry me on basikal mini to go to the madrasah for our mengaji time. You used to tease that you would let me to walk home, but you never did.You always have a soft spot for ayams and duckies. I came back from school to find that my little duckie had died, but you provided comfort in making sure that it had a proper burial place.
During raya, you were the culprit to buy all sorts of mercun. You and I would sit for hours in your room fixing things up and making them more exciting. Remember the time when a mercun katak jumped into bapak's kain pelekat and he had to londeh his kain? It was funny, innit? I loved the fact that our house was so bright and cheerful because you made the effort to prepare the pelita and more.
Hey, what about the time musim buah pelam? We had so many different pokok pelam all around the house. We had pelam epal, pelam isi putih, kuinin and a few others that I do not remember their names anymore. Mak and I used to hold a kain batik so that when you kait the buah, all of them would fall into the kain. My favorite was buah kuinin.
Do you remember I like to eat daun pokok jambu bola? Nobody ever heard or saw striped jambu bola before but I remember quite well that the young leaves were very tasty just like the jambu. I wonder if the species of jambu is no longer known to humankind. Now that I am older, I wish we didn't cut down all the trees around our house. It's a shame.
Although, we were quite close, I admit that I used to envy you. It was obvious that mak always preferred you. I was jealous that I stooped so slow and threw a brick at your head. You had seven stiches and I got caned. You were always in the good book with mak and you could never do wrong in her eyes. I didn't understand it until later.
Back then, we always did things together. Maybe because we are the only two left at home, and we didn't have a lot of friends. Do you know how much I miss that time? Ateh, do you know how much I want to tell you that you are a great abang? I wanna cry thinking of those things that the younger ones would never experience. At least, I had great childhood memories and someone to share with.
Friday, 19 August 2005
This is my story III
It was almost a month since Mak was bedridden when she first had the stroke. Ateh and I were constantly at home. I was on a summer break, and Ateh worked at a nearby factory.I don’t remember much about Bapak as I had pushed the memories to the back of my mind. All I could picture was Mak lying on the bed in the living room. At 21, what did I know other than trying to get as many Bs so that I can be on that plane?
I was not a bright student neither was I a good daughter. I wanted to get away from home for so long. I had tried to leave home since I was 15. Oh how I had tried, but Mak didn’t let me go to a boarding school. It wasn’t that I don’t love them, but for once, I wanted to be away for a reason I couldn't explain. I didn't have one. I just wanted to leave.
However, with this incident, my life had turned upside down. I was glad I stayed home cos I knew my way around the house. The only thing that concerns me was what would happen when I go back to school.
Would there be somebody to take care of Mak? Would there be somebody to cook porridge and feed her? Would there be someone who would sit next to her and listen to her? Would there be someone who would bathe her with care and love?
Ateh was there but he was a man. I’m not saying that a man couldn’t do all these but a man’s heart, mind and touch are just different. During this time, I don’t know who handled it better, me or Ateh. He never talked about it and neither do I. I think that even if I had Aci, I would not be able to talk either.I didn’t think it was a burden. Mak would never become a burden to me. It was my responsibility and if I had to do it alone, so be it. I’d do it all over again and more, if I could.
I was counting the days I had to return to school. But I was also dreading the day I had to leave her at home with Ateh and Bapak. As the day moved ahead, so was she. Mak was getting better and stronger each day. I had her on therapy most of the time and she was like a little girl learning to walk.I wanted to be with her for every step of the way.
It was a miracle. From being paralysed and not able to speak a word, she had progressed so well in 6 weeks. Aci bought Mak a walking stick so she could lean on it whenever she felt tired. Mak was a fighter, she would survive this.
She was a tiger and a survivor.
She could barely walk a few weeks earlier. Somehow, she got well and a lot stronger when I left. At the back of my mind, I was worried sick for Mak. Sometimes, I wished I can go home during weekends, but with little allowance I got, I couldn't afford to go back and forth.
I phoned home almost every other night, asking Ateh about her progress. Was I glad when I could talk to Mak. Her speech wasn't clear but at least I could understand her and that gave me comfort. Looked like all was going well.
I was not a bright student neither was I a good daughter. I wanted to get away from home for so long. I had tried to leave home since I was 15. Oh how I had tried, but Mak didn’t let me go to a boarding school. It wasn’t that I don’t love them, but for once, I wanted to be away for a reason I couldn't explain. I didn't have one. I just wanted to leave.
However, with this incident, my life had turned upside down. I was glad I stayed home cos I knew my way around the house. The only thing that concerns me was what would happen when I go back to school.
Would there be somebody to take care of Mak? Would there be somebody to cook porridge and feed her? Would there be someone who would sit next to her and listen to her? Would there be someone who would bathe her with care and love?
Ateh was there but he was a man. I’m not saying that a man couldn’t do all these but a man’s heart, mind and touch are just different. During this time, I don’t know who handled it better, me or Ateh. He never talked about it and neither do I. I think that even if I had Aci, I would not be able to talk either.I didn’t think it was a burden. Mak would never become a burden to me. It was my responsibility and if I had to do it alone, so be it. I’d do it all over again and more, if I could.
I was counting the days I had to return to school. But I was also dreading the day I had to leave her at home with Ateh and Bapak. As the day moved ahead, so was she. Mak was getting better and stronger each day. I had her on therapy most of the time and she was like a little girl learning to walk.I wanted to be with her for every step of the way.
It was a miracle. From being paralysed and not able to speak a word, she had progressed so well in 6 weeks. Aci bought Mak a walking stick so she could lean on it whenever she felt tired. Mak was a fighter, she would survive this.
She was a tiger and a survivor.
She could barely walk a few weeks earlier. Somehow, she got well and a lot stronger when I left. At the back of my mind, I was worried sick for Mak. Sometimes, I wished I can go home during weekends, but with little allowance I got, I couldn't afford to go back and forth.
I phoned home almost every other night, asking Ateh about her progress. Was I glad when I could talk to Mak. Her speech wasn't clear but at least I could understand her and that gave me comfort. Looked like all was going well.
Monday, 8 August 2005
No no no! (no, it's not black eyed peas' song)
Spent Sunday in Longleat Safari Park, watching Air Race and going into mazes. It was business combined with pleasure, what more can I ask for?
Btw, I finished the Hegde Maze in 62 minutes and 34 seconds. I guess I took slightly 2 minutes longer than some people to find my way out.
It was a perfect day, I believe, and then I fell asleep under the tree with the heat and breeze hitting me occasionally.I woke up when I suddenly felt cold all over my body. It wasn't a good sign. Then I started feeling it in my throat.
No!I can't afford to fall sick. Too many things to do, and too little time.
I remember chatting on YM and saying I wish I fall sick one of these days and let the office takes over my work. That was my exact words.I knew I shouldn't have said things like this, but tu lah regret pun tak guna dah.
Please don't tell me off and say 'tu lah mintak yg bukan2 sangat'.I am sorry. But vattodo? Tomorrow my sore throat will be worse, and then come batuk and watery eyes and nose. Aiyaaa...
Btw, I finished the Hegde Maze in 62 minutes and 34 seconds. I guess I took slightly 2 minutes longer than some people to find my way out.
It was a perfect day, I believe, and then I fell asleep under the tree with the heat and breeze hitting me occasionally.I woke up when I suddenly felt cold all over my body. It wasn't a good sign. Then I started feeling it in my throat.
No!I can't afford to fall sick. Too many things to do, and too little time.
I remember chatting on YM and saying I wish I fall sick one of these days and let the office takes over my work. That was my exact words.I knew I shouldn't have said things like this, but tu lah regret pun tak guna dah.
Please don't tell me off and say 'tu lah mintak yg bukan2 sangat'.I am sorry. But vattodo? Tomorrow my sore throat will be worse, and then come batuk and watery eyes and nose. Aiyaaa...
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