As It Is

It seems that I may have quite a few things in my head these last few months. Heck! Last couple of years is more like it!

Every night I lay on bed thinking I should continue writing my thoughts just so I can heal. I may have lost all of the angst I bottled up during my teens and young adult life. But, I guess I may have accumulated a few new ones that have been bothering me ever since I hooked up with another married woman. Damn! I am a glutton for punishment, aren't I?

The chapter with this one has officially ended and I should just leave her be. But something always brings me back to her. We maintained the friendship and I was brought into her world again and again. Trust me, if I had a choice I would have stopped a long time ago. So I guess I do what most people might have done, and I listen and look out for her because I know she needs a friend.

I have passed that stage where I wanted her back. I have gone through the stage where I was mad at her. I have skipped that part where I was attracted to her. But what's left is just a feeling of pity. For her to live her life where she has to be the strong one, for her to be ridiculed, spat on, and emotionally abused. I hate seeing her being implied she's not good enough up to a point where she actually believed it herself.

I wish she could just be herself. She's like a flower trapped in a deserted garden. I wish I could water her so she could grow to be the beautiful flower that she is. I wish I could help her find her way. I wish she could just be strong enough to get out of the garden. But my wishes are just useless wishes when she herself stops believing.