of changes and glamour

Funny eh? I got so many things I want to write about and when I'm in front of the computer, they all puff into the air. There's something in the water :)

I've never received so many text messages in my life before like I did a few days ago. Perasan glemer sekejap. Ahakkksss.

Anyway, back to real life. I'm going to whine about the lack of my social life. Honestly, it has gone from bad to worse. Work is taking up most of my time, working till late hours. It may sound good or exciting on papers, but the down side of it is that I hardly had time to even go out for a coffee with a friend anymore.

When was the last time I went out for a walk? 6 weeks ago maybe.

I was away last friday and only got home on monday, and I'm going away again this friday only to come home next tuesday. If I managed to stay alive, that is.

Ok, now I remember what I want to write.

What I want to say is that people change.

Heh... tetiba je masuk bab ni. Someone made a comment to me which I feel memang kena kat batang hidung I. But the thing is that komen kena to the former me, before I started to go through another transformation.

I have gone through phases, which I believe everyone does too. When I was young, I was a bully, loud and naughty. I did some of the unthinkable, but I was brave and foolish at the same time.

Then I became the nice person, who wouldn't even break a rule. Always jovial and helpful, but I didn't know much about everything else. I thought the world belongs to me.

At some point, I changed to become someone who rebel and hate other people's company. I wanted to do things on my own, wanted to be different, didn't care if I'm accepted or not, and I was a loner. I had that 'who cares' attitude.

In recent time, I broke a few laws, became restless, heartbroken, lost my confidence, had low self-esteem, didn't think much of the consequences, didn't like talking to people and was still a loner.

However, things are changing, yet again. I think I have become a deep thinker and listen a lot. Still brave but dah ada perasaan takut tu. My heart still stay the same, but my common sense is telling me that some things need to be done differently. I may break a few more laws, do foolish stunts, but I am thinking about the right things to do for the future.

Believe it or not, without me realising it, I'm opening up to people now. Slowly. Through blog and other venues. I'm trying to rid my shyness. heh

The point is some things that I said years ago may not valid today. One cannot hold that against me. I may have a good reason for saying it at that time but it could have been irrelevant at this point. I cannot help myself but to go along with the changes if I think it's best for me.

Deep down, I am still me. I still have the same characters I had when I was young. The only thing that is changing are the way I think and the way I do things.

And there're some good people left in the world. I'm one of them. Hehehe...

a friend with benefit

Today I received a new friend from a friend.

Meet my garden gnome, George. Unfortunate for him, I haven't got a garden but a semak samun kat belakang rumah, so for the rest of his life, he's going to be locked up inside. When the World Cup starts, we are going to camp in front of the telly and sing World at Your Feet.

Honestly, I am quite light hearted today.

Everything seems to form right in front of my eyes. Or maybe I am looking at the path I'm supposed to take? Could be.

Or maybe I have to create new challenges for myself? Could be.

Or maybe I finally see what I haven't seen before? Could be.

Great. Now I have to get down to business and plan.

Sometimes I confused myself. I think I have too many plans that I do not know which one is the best to follow.

Yesterday, I thought to myself, 'what you read is not what you see/get'. Not a 100%. There are things that should be kept hidden, but sometimes truth need to be told.

Dear God, please tunjukkan hamba mu yang hina ini jalan yang baik untuk diikuti. Jalan yang diredhai oleh Mu. Yang membahagiakan and boleh menenangkan hati, kalau yang memberikan kemewahan pun boleh jugak. Amin.

PS, mana ko ni? ingat tak 4 years ago, aku kat sini tengah busy jual aiskrim and you were there and you updated me with scores between England and Argentina? This year I'd wake you up and kita sesama tengok, from 2 continents jurang jauh cemana pun tak leh memisahkan kita. cewah.. heheheh

Hola! Espana

Hola!

What a very tiring but satisfying day so far in Barca.

The flight from Gatwick was a little too much because there were too many loud English girls onboard. From the moment we took off until we touched down, I didn´t have any quiet time to nap. They even clapped and cheered when the plane landed on the runway. Hmmm...

The view from up above was phenomenal with the Spanish mountains and sea caling out to me.

From the aeroport I figured out it might be faster to take the train, but unfortunately I had to make too many changes that I wasted one hour trying to figure it out.

Once I came out from Plaza Catalunya into the streets, I was taken aback by Barcelona´s beauty. Her wonderful architectures and cultural aspects are unbelievable. Wonderful.

I stopped a policeman for direction to La Rambla while I was looking for the hostel and trust me, La Rambla is the place you want to be.

I amazed myself with my Spanish. No habla mucho espanyal, but I get by with a few words. Ahaks. I guess everyone does too.

Fortunate for me that my hostel is right in the middle of La Rambla itself. I left my bag and went down hunting for whatever. The cafes are just as luring as her architectures. Sipping the second sangria in my life ever, I sat quietly watching passers by, and for awhile there my worries seem to vanish.

gulp!

Cancer - June 21 - July 22
Hard work usually pays off, but not in your case. Luckily for the rest of us you carry on regardless because you're a sucker and fearful of confrontation. These character flaws actually make you a winner in the survival of the thickest, and you'll live long and prosper - as long as you remember to do the washing up, buy bog roll, etc. Remember, the urge to protect and nurture loved ones is valid even if they don't notice, so keep up the good (house) work.


May I live long and prosper. Amin.

The Office and Tom Tom

I had to write this before I become more cranky. At this moment I letih semacam je.

I had a frustrating morning that lead me to think I don't want to do this anymore. I am serious. I know I have been thinking about it since last year and I may leave at the end of this year, but today is the final straw. I finally felt that this is it.

I am so tired of the fiascos I had to face at the office. With the customers, the suppliers, the drivers, the people in the freezer, the people at Eng*lish Heri*tage and with driving around the country.

I have seen enough, I think. I have been to almost every nook and cranny of England that I might vomit maps now. I might as well be Tom Tom the satellite navigator too. For once, I want to take the bus or even ride my bike to work.

Today is The Mentor's first day at work after 2 weeks of holiday in Karachi. I told her what I felt and I knew she would understand because sometimes she feels the same. All she gets are phone calls about problem after problem, but without that much support from others.

What I need to do now is to find someone to train and take with me for events, and in one or two months let him takes over. It could be sooner. Who knows?

She said she's going to miss me. Mmmm... I know she will, and I will miss her too.

It's good that I'm off to Barca even though it is just for 2 nights. When I come back, I need to take more risks with my life and maybe pursue things that I dream of doing.

of compassion and alter ego

I have been in a limbo, and as I get older I worry too much.

Many moons ago I planted an idea into someone's head, thinking that it was a good idea for that person to explore and begin an adventure. I did this all the time. I mean giving people these kind of ideas i.e. going to work in Dubai, on a cruise ship, going backpacking in Europe etc etc.

I like my comfort zone but at the same time I do like exploring and trying out things. If it didn't work out, well hey, at least I gave it a go. Btw, I'm going to Barcelona on Tuesday. Woohoo!

Right. Some people don't take me seriously, some sneered at me, a few dared taking up the chances but the rest just didn't give a damn. Hehe. But I do things my way. I believe most people are like that, or they think that they want to do things their way, but circumstances don't allow them so they do it the way they think society approves. Oh man! I don't make sense, do I?

Anyway, when you planted an idea into someone's head, and helped nurtured it, indirectly, it's like bringing something new to your world. There will be a point when you feel responsible for it. It doesn't matter if that someone is capable of handling oneself, because the point is that you were there to assist in almost every way possible.

I guess when unexpected bittersweet things happened, wiping up your existense and leaving your heart with a little hole, it's natural that you'd feel like you're in a turmoil. It's not even your life, but the question is why should you care?

Because as human being, I believe we have to have compassion. Be a little humane. Not to the point of being paranoia, but enough to show that you care and to know that your heart is still beating. There are too many nastiness and cruelty and I don't want the people around me to be added to the statistics.

I need to believe that there are still some people who will go out of their way to be good samaritans. I'm not a saint and we can't help the whole world, but I know we can help the person next to us.


Disclaimer: Unfortunately for the next few days I won't be around. Barcelona is waiting for my arrival. But if you need me, just touch your nose because my alter ego Superwok will jump to the rescue (in her seat).

of weddings and losing weight

I have two weddings at the end of this year. Did I tell you I actually don't like this kind of gathering? or in fact, any kind of gatherings with too many crowd. Well, yeah. So I have these weddings, one in September in Poland, and another in December in Malaysia.

My right hand man at work has invited me, and since we have gotten very close over the last 3 years, I said I'd go. It will be kinda different because I've never been to a Polish wedding before. The Mentor was also invited, and we have already make plans to hire a car and drive around in the country. She warned me not to get too drunk like them Poles since they are well known for being heavy vodka drinkers. Heh, as if la boss.

I was told that the bride's mother is so excited that I'm coming, it seems like she is so eager to meet me after hearing all about me. I hope she didn't hear anything bad though. I told the bride that we would be just like cats and dogs since I wouldn't be able to understand her at all because she doesn't know a word of English. I can get by with a few Polish phrases especially the cursing words, but I don't think they will be pleased to hear that.

Another wedding is in Muar. I called it My Best Friend's Wedding. Not too worry, I won't do a Julia Roberts to you guys. Hehe. I don't know yet whether I can make it or not. I feel it's not fair to her if I didn't go because how could a person do that to her best friend, right? If I'm not thinking straight, I would just go on impulse and buy the ticket and fly home, but I have many issues to consider before I could make a decision. I honestly want to be there but my desire cannot rule my reality. For that, I, your humble friend, would like to apologise for it.

It would be great to be back even if it's just for a week. Just to touch base. And probably surprise people with me losing more weight. Hehe. Of course, that is one of the things people must do to attend weddings. I have to find the right dresses, the right shoes, the right gifts bla bla bla. I promise not to buy a toaster or a set of juice glasses. No photo album and not another kettle either. Ahaks.

So yeah, it has been an uphill struggle to lose weight. I have a diet buddy and for the last few months it seemed like it was working fine. Unfortunately for both of us, we have taken a break at the same time and now my weight has shoot up again. I think it's time to get back in the game.

Though I think I was doing fine actually. In the last few days, I have forgotten to eat. Ok ok, it's not good for the body but when I am happy, I would be eating all the time and that didn't help either. But the things is when I have many things in my head, the body automatically switched to no food zone. Yesterday, I only managed to grab a bite of tasteless tuna sandwich for lunch and nothing for dinner. And the day before that I don't remember eating at all. If I go on like this, I'd be pencil thin by next month. Ahaks, wishful thinking ewok, wishful thinking.

Tonight, however, it's makan time! We are celebrating AG's birthday. I wish you have a long life ahead, sifu. It has been a pleasure knowing you.

of being ice cube

My darling PS said I'm like an ice cube. Tuang air je senang cair and I'm easy to become another cube when needed. Hummmppp... I thought I'm more like a bird, but you have been with me during my ups and downs and you know me well, inside and out.

You could be right babe, but you know what? I didn't ask to be built this way. And after all these years, I don't think I can change. I might be an ice cube but definitely not an ice queen. Heh.

More than often I wonder how to be one, but in the end my conscience will hold me back. So, I guess there's nothing else to do then except walk away, again.

One thing for sure is that my life here is not done.

I miss you, CJ and JackJack. So much.