I have a nasty streak that surfaced every once in a while. She's even worried that one day I might lose control over it and would use it just to leash out and strike her just because I was hurt. How could she think that I would do such thing to someone I love? She doesn't know that I would spare her all the hurt if I could, and I thought she knew me better.
Yes I am jealous. Isn't it natural to be jealous because you love someone? But I am all cock-and-bull false bravado. I would prefer to suffer on my own and rot to die.
Who am I to say anything? I can't even claim her as mine. She loves another, but to say that I am not jealous would be the understatement of the century.
So, what's left to do but for me to think that I am just an aberration or just a detour from her normal life. Something new and something exciting to spice up in life. I am trying to convince myself that all she wants is just an escape from all that pressure she has from work and family commitment. Everyone expects too much from her so she comes to me just to be herself and release that tension. I am sure when she had enough, she'd leave.
Some people often indulge themselves in some kind of forbidden thing, but when they lose interest it would be all over and they'd move on. Who knows, right?
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