She dropped a bombshell on me.
She said I need to find someone who is available to me full time. I know. I know before we got together that this relationship is impossible. I know that she can't offer me more than what she has given. I know that I can't expect us to be like a normal couple who are free in showing their emotions and affection. But I don't want her to leave nor do I want to find someone else. I made up my mind and I'm sticking to my decision.
My mates have been telling me that there's so many obstacles between us and it would have never worked out. To be honest, yes I agree with them. The lists could fill up the wall in my bedroom if I were to think of them. If I were to follow my head then I would have to put a stop to everything and stop seeing her. But no matter what they said - that this is wrong - I can't stop the feeling I developed for her.
From the very beginning, and this was some years ago, I was comfortable being with her. She made me feel like I was somebody and I felt appreciated. She cares and is interested with what's going on in my life. Every time she embraced me, I felt a twinge of happiness and jealousy. Happy because I like her and that she's been wonderful to me. I was also jealous for the people in her life who have been on the receiving end of her warmth, kindness and affection. I wanted to be one of them. I realised now that I wanted to be special to her.
Every time I saw her, she managed to put a smile on my face, and when I didn't see her I could get by just by talking to her. I remember telling her about my family and friends. I opened up to her bits by bits. The respect I have for her is enormous. I value and appreciate her and care for her. Then it finally clicked. I must have loved her for a while now.
