When you live with someone who studies to be a beautician, most of the things she talks about are, of course, facial treatments, haircuts, cosmetics bla bla bla. The best thing out of this is that I have my own personal beautician at home. Bila bila nak facial also boleh and I’ve booked her for massage sessions, but she got fed up with me coz I kept cancelling, takde masa lah.
Mmm… I’m not cultured and so into being beautiful lah, I’m all plain jane maahh. So I can dengar only but I let her do the talking. But these last few days, Ahui has been nagging me to have a change of image. She said she wanted to try her hands at being Trinny and Susannah. Whatever lah budak ni!
Told me to get a haircut, buy new tops and trousers, color my hair. Haiyaa… dia ingat aku ni cap duit ke apa? And when she met Maury, I’m amazed at the things they talk, maklumlah bila pompuan berjumpa kan, one simple topic pun boleh jadi panjang berjela. Like this:
Ahui: Oh! You got a haircut! It looks so chic!
Maury: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Ahui: Oh, no! It’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut and done like that, but I think my face is too wide and round. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Maury: Are you serious? I think your face is lovely. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look great. I was going to do that except I was afraid it would make my neck look too long.
Ahui: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Maury: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Ahui: No way, you look so nice especially on that party night. You could wear anything and still look pretty.
Ok, so maybe I exaggerate a little bit lah about their conversation, but really, women can get drawn into these kinds of lengthy talks for hours. However, swap the women with men, and you’ll find a different set of err… interesting chat?
Let’s get DG to meet goslow (Boys, jangan marah yek. Pinjam nama you kejap. Contoh je ni)
DG: Haircut?
Goslow: Yeah!
Hahahahahha… Senang hidup diorang ni kan?
Monday, 13 June 2005
Friday, 10 June 2005
taking a chance
These last few days have been quite emotional for me. Maybe more than I can handle at one time. Penat sebenarnya bila teringat all the things that happened years ago, and they drained out all my energy. Still tak abis lagi
Arkk..akk.. PS! Don't say I'm going through the big D again. For those yang dok garu kepala tu, big D is for Depression. Boring yes, malas pun yes, scared of course lah yes, but depression tu kat tinggal hujung hujung je. Life is looking good and the sun is sunnier.
This blog has become like the sessions some people had with their shrink in a lounge with a nice comfy sofa, trying to settle some unfinished business with the ghosts from the past. It helps. It helps a lot.
I have never expected that blog can be so therapeutic, and the readers are the bonus that came with it. I know I didn't really bloghop that much due to heavy workloads and too many trips and traveling to make so I dunno much what's happening or who's with whom in bloglife but I do make a point to visit them when I have the time. Kakteh can keep me updated with the gossips, kan kan?
When I write the stories about Mak, I didn't mean to reveal every single thing. There are things that should be left unsaid. And I'm not expecting people to say that I'm a good daughter either. I have my fair share of kejahatan and kekurangan. I ni very nakal one. Selalu kena sebat dengan tali pinggang masa kecik dulu. These days I tend to be shy, of people. Pasal apa jadi cam ni pun tak tau lah. Honest to God, I dunno how to handle all these comments either. Reading some of your comments also dah boleh buat I sebak semula, and lost for words, let alone to reply them.
What I want to say here is, thank you. There are many of you here who left comments, tak kisah lah +ve or -ve, or those yang nak share similar sentiments. I appreciate them all. Thank you for your kind words, for your encouragements, for your guidance and critics, for your advice and for your jokes. I rambles a lot, but you guys are still here listening or more like reading what my head told me to write.
Some people even made extra efforts to extend this blogging relationship to a real life friendship. I am touched with their generosity and kind hearts. It's like being in a different world altogether where love is just about sharing and giving, and hasad dengki is not in the dictionary.
The truth is I lost interest in making new friends because I find the process of getting know a person is tedious and requires a lot of energy. But without friends, we are nobody, so I'm willing to give myself a chance to get to know the friendly people, and a cat too.
To ps, ju, dina, honeytar, DG, raf, stell, kakteh, TJ, TK, Aces, min, poncho, goslow, shell, nenn, zaireen, joe, maine, sooz, leez, tenah, AuntyN, AA, OJ and ramai lagi lah rasanya. Sori lah.. tak dapat nak ingat semua org kat sini. Especially to ray and Haji Malim, thank you for sharing your thoughts and always making me laugh with your antiques.
Thank You.
"Life is to be enjoyed. For once forget your sorrows and take a chance. "-Ewok-
Arkk..akk.. PS! Don't say I'm going through the big D again. For those yang dok garu kepala tu, big D is for Depression. Boring yes, malas pun yes, scared of course lah yes, but depression tu kat tinggal hujung hujung je. Life is looking good and the sun is sunnier.
This blog has become like the sessions some people had with their shrink in a lounge with a nice comfy sofa, trying to settle some unfinished business with the ghosts from the past. It helps. It helps a lot.
I have never expected that blog can be so therapeutic, and the readers are the bonus that came with it. I know I didn't really bloghop that much due to heavy workloads and too many trips and traveling to make so I dunno much what's happening or who's with whom in bloglife but I do make a point to visit them when I have the time. Kakteh can keep me updated with the gossips, kan kan?
When I write the stories about Mak, I didn't mean to reveal every single thing. There are things that should be left unsaid. And I'm not expecting people to say that I'm a good daughter either. I have my fair share of kejahatan and kekurangan. I ni very nakal one. Selalu kena sebat dengan tali pinggang masa kecik dulu. These days I tend to be shy, of people. Pasal apa jadi cam ni pun tak tau lah. Honest to God, I dunno how to handle all these comments either. Reading some of your comments also dah boleh buat I sebak semula, and lost for words, let alone to reply them.
What I want to say here is, thank you. There are many of you here who left comments, tak kisah lah +ve or -ve, or those yang nak share similar sentiments. I appreciate them all. Thank you for your kind words, for your encouragements, for your guidance and critics, for your advice and for your jokes. I rambles a lot, but you guys are still here listening or more like reading what my head told me to write.
Some people even made extra efforts to extend this blogging relationship to a real life friendship. I am touched with their generosity and kind hearts. It's like being in a different world altogether where love is just about sharing and giving, and hasad dengki is not in the dictionary.
The truth is I lost interest in making new friends because I find the process of getting know a person is tedious and requires a lot of energy. But without friends, we are nobody, so I'm willing to give myself a chance to get to know the friendly people, and a cat too.
To ps, ju, dina, honeytar, DG, raf, stell, kakteh, TJ, TK, Aces, min, poncho, goslow, shell, nenn, zaireen, joe, maine, sooz, leez, tenah, AuntyN, AA, OJ and ramai lagi lah rasanya. Sori lah.. tak dapat nak ingat semua org kat sini. Especially to ray and Haji Malim, thank you for sharing your thoughts and always making me laugh with your antiques.
Thank You.
"Life is to be enjoyed. For once forget your sorrows and take a chance. "-Ewok-
Thursday, 9 June 2005
This is my story II
I woke up on Sunday with swollen eyes and headache as big as telur unta.Some years ago, I used to wake up in the middle of the night with wet eyes. Crying in sleep is not my favourite thing to do but it just happened. Sometimes I think I ni macam Ning Yatimah pulak, ratu airmata zaman dulu dulu tu.
You might think that I’m drowning in self-pity and wallowing of the past. Think what you like. I don’t need to justify. Only now I realized it’s time to talk about it.
*****
Mak was coming home. You know orang tua, they don’t like to stay in a hospital and they would rather be in a familiar surrounding. Before she came home, I had to make sure that the house was in perfect order. Didn’t want her to come home to a house behaving badly.
Doc gave a green light to take her home but her whole body was like half paralysed. But lucky for her, the stroke was just mild. She still couldn’t move and she had to depend on us, but we were told that if she eat right and exercise regularly, she'd be back on her feet in no time at all.
Dah kemas bilik and all, but Mak bersungut dowan to stay in the bedroom. Rimas agaknya. Even though Mak tak boleh bercakap sangat tapi kalau letak telinga dekat dekat, boleh paham lah apa dia nak bagitau tu.
Because Mak taknak stay in the room, we prepared the bed in the living room. Masa tu tak kisah lah sebab the most important was Mak’s comfort. Lagipun the area is big, senang nak care for her.
Sebenarnya, I can’t remember whether the bros and sis balik kampong to see Mak when this happened. I think Aci balik pun for a few days only.
The other night when I suddenly remembered all these, I thought to myself Aci must have had the second shock of her life in the same year. In Feb, she gave birth to a baby girl in her eighth month, but Hidayah stopped breathing 30 minutes after delivery. Aci was heartbroken, hati mana tak sedih bila anak dikandung meninggal and every time she saw my bro’s daughter, she had this really sad look on her face. Tak pernah sekali dia merungut tapi sometimes she’d cry non-stop thinking about her baby. I am not a mother yet but mothers out there must know the feelings Aci had gone through. And Mak being a mother would understand her daughter’s heartache. Mak was there, taking care of her. Not a minute she spent apart from Aci. When Aci menangis malam malam, Mak was there to comfort and hug her. And then 5 months later Mak was bedridden. It must have been really hard on Aci.
Ateh and I were the ones at home all the time. I slept next to Mak, just in case she needed something during the night and Ateh would normally sleep on the sofa behind us. Bapak was just being bapak. (I had issues with Bapak but I blogged about it previously)
Every morning, I’d use wet cloth to wipe and wash up Mak, and when I did this I often saw traces of airmata. It was hard to maintain my own calmness but I can’t let her see me looking so sedih. Bila bergenang airmata tu, I quickly turned away so that she didn’t see me and I always try to cover up my sebakness by coughing.
While I was changing her baju and kain, Ateh would siang ikan, cut the chicken or potong sayur or whatever I asked him to do. He may be slow but he remembers every details of the things you told him, so cannot tell him lies. But what I hate most is because people know he’s like that, they took advantage of him. He once worked at a local factory not far from home and every time he came back with his wages, Mak would have to count for him. They thought they could get away by cheating him a few ringgit here and there, but Mak would always make sure he knew his right and stand up for it. Rasa macam nak terajang these people for cheating him.
For Mak’s meal, I used to make her all kinds of porridge and soup since she can’t take solid food. My first attempt to make porridge was very teruk, it didn’t taste like Mak normally buat.
Thank goodness for me, Mama (my sedara who wanted to match me with her son Aki) came to house with some food. I was ashamed that I couldn’t cook properly, I am my mother’s daughter, and I should know these things.
All the while when I was in the kitchen, Ateh would stay with Mak, and talk to her. Sometimes I could hear him ‘mak..nak picit tang mana mak?’
He would tell her about his chickens and burung puyuh. ‘Hari ni ayam bertelurq 6 bijik saja. Ayam jantan tu dok ligan yang betina. Tak tau pasai apa.’
Ateh also would wait nearby bila I feed Mak. Kekadang, Mak didn’t want to finish her food. She would geleng her kepala if she can’t take it anymore, and I had to persuade her to eat up because dia makan sikit sangat. Takut kalau tak makan nanti lagi teruk pulak. Lama jugak dok suap Mak, tapi masa ni lah aku rasakan sedih bila tengok Mak makan. Sebelum ni she was sihat and kuat and always the go-getter but now terbaring and terpaksa depend on anak-anak for everything.
For a man, Ateh is caring even if he looks selebet and rough. He has soft heart and gentle touch. He showed this when we both had to take Mak for a bath. There was no wheelchair in the house, so we came up with an idea to carry Mak on a normal chair. When I said carry, I meant we lifted the chair and carried Mak to the bathroom with our own hands. Often, we had to stop a couple of times because my arms were not as strong as Ateh. But Ateh was ever so patient.
Mak had waist-length hair, and I once asked her if we could cut them because they sometimes become kusut and berserabut that I had to wash and brush them carefully. Takut Mak sakit kepala jugak. Mak refused because she said Bapak suka rambut panjang. Tarik nafas panjang aku masa tu.
‘Malam ni mak nak makan apa? Sup ayam nak tak?
‘Petang ni Ateh nak tangkap pastu sembelih ayam sekorq’
Selalu bila dalam bilik ayarq tu, kena sembang with Mak, just to make sure that she felt included in everyday life. Sometimes I told her some funny stories that happened to Ateh and she would smile. I took it as a good sign.
Bila habis aku mandikan Mak, Ateh would come in and we carried her back to the bed. And bila selesai aku pakaikan Mak her nice baju Kedah, I would put some bedak on her face and then dropped long kissess on both of her cheeks. For almost two months, this was the routine. We made sure she was always cared for by none other than flesh and blood, and we helped with her exercise, with hope that she would be well and back on her feet again.
You might think that I’m drowning in self-pity and wallowing of the past. Think what you like. I don’t need to justify. Only now I realized it’s time to talk about it.
*****
Mak was coming home. You know orang tua, they don’t like to stay in a hospital and they would rather be in a familiar surrounding. Before she came home, I had to make sure that the house was in perfect order. Didn’t want her to come home to a house behaving badly.
Doc gave a green light to take her home but her whole body was like half paralysed. But lucky for her, the stroke was just mild. She still couldn’t move and she had to depend on us, but we were told that if she eat right and exercise regularly, she'd be back on her feet in no time at all.
Dah kemas bilik and all, but Mak bersungut dowan to stay in the bedroom. Rimas agaknya. Even though Mak tak boleh bercakap sangat tapi kalau letak telinga dekat dekat, boleh paham lah apa dia nak bagitau tu.
Because Mak taknak stay in the room, we prepared the bed in the living room. Masa tu tak kisah lah sebab the most important was Mak’s comfort. Lagipun the area is big, senang nak care for her.
Sebenarnya, I can’t remember whether the bros and sis balik kampong to see Mak when this happened. I think Aci balik pun for a few days only.
The other night when I suddenly remembered all these, I thought to myself Aci must have had the second shock of her life in the same year. In Feb, she gave birth to a baby girl in her eighth month, but Hidayah stopped breathing 30 minutes after delivery. Aci was heartbroken, hati mana tak sedih bila anak dikandung meninggal and every time she saw my bro’s daughter, she had this really sad look on her face. Tak pernah sekali dia merungut tapi sometimes she’d cry non-stop thinking about her baby. I am not a mother yet but mothers out there must know the feelings Aci had gone through. And Mak being a mother would understand her daughter’s heartache. Mak was there, taking care of her. Not a minute she spent apart from Aci. When Aci menangis malam malam, Mak was there to comfort and hug her. And then 5 months later Mak was bedridden. It must have been really hard on Aci.
Ateh and I were the ones at home all the time. I slept next to Mak, just in case she needed something during the night and Ateh would normally sleep on the sofa behind us. Bapak was just being bapak. (I had issues with Bapak but I blogged about it previously)
Every morning, I’d use wet cloth to wipe and wash up Mak, and when I did this I often saw traces of airmata. It was hard to maintain my own calmness but I can’t let her see me looking so sedih. Bila bergenang airmata tu, I quickly turned away so that she didn’t see me and I always try to cover up my sebakness by coughing.
While I was changing her baju and kain, Ateh would siang ikan, cut the chicken or potong sayur or whatever I asked him to do. He may be slow but he remembers every details of the things you told him, so cannot tell him lies. But what I hate most is because people know he’s like that, they took advantage of him. He once worked at a local factory not far from home and every time he came back with his wages, Mak would have to count for him. They thought they could get away by cheating him a few ringgit here and there, but Mak would always make sure he knew his right and stand up for it. Rasa macam nak terajang these people for cheating him.
For Mak’s meal, I used to make her all kinds of porridge and soup since she can’t take solid food. My first attempt to make porridge was very teruk, it didn’t taste like Mak normally buat.
Thank goodness for me, Mama (my sedara who wanted to match me with her son Aki) came to house with some food. I was ashamed that I couldn’t cook properly, I am my mother’s daughter, and I should know these things.
All the while when I was in the kitchen, Ateh would stay with Mak, and talk to her. Sometimes I could hear him ‘mak..nak picit tang mana mak?’
He would tell her about his chickens and burung puyuh. ‘Hari ni ayam bertelurq 6 bijik saja. Ayam jantan tu dok ligan yang betina. Tak tau pasai apa.’
Ateh also would wait nearby bila I feed Mak. Kekadang, Mak didn’t want to finish her food. She would geleng her kepala if she can’t take it anymore, and I had to persuade her to eat up because dia makan sikit sangat. Takut kalau tak makan nanti lagi teruk pulak. Lama jugak dok suap Mak, tapi masa ni lah aku rasakan sedih bila tengok Mak makan. Sebelum ni she was sihat and kuat and always the go-getter but now terbaring and terpaksa depend on anak-anak for everything.
For a man, Ateh is caring even if he looks selebet and rough. He has soft heart and gentle touch. He showed this when we both had to take Mak for a bath. There was no wheelchair in the house, so we came up with an idea to carry Mak on a normal chair. When I said carry, I meant we lifted the chair and carried Mak to the bathroom with our own hands. Often, we had to stop a couple of times because my arms were not as strong as Ateh. But Ateh was ever so patient.
Mak had waist-length hair, and I once asked her if we could cut them because they sometimes become kusut and berserabut that I had to wash and brush them carefully. Takut Mak sakit kepala jugak. Mak refused because she said Bapak suka rambut panjang. Tarik nafas panjang aku masa tu.
‘Malam ni mak nak makan apa? Sup ayam nak tak?
‘Petang ni Ateh nak tangkap pastu sembelih ayam sekorq’
Selalu bila dalam bilik ayarq tu, kena sembang with Mak, just to make sure that she felt included in everyday life. Sometimes I told her some funny stories that happened to Ateh and she would smile. I took it as a good sign.
Bila habis aku mandikan Mak, Ateh would come in and we carried her back to the bed. And bila selesai aku pakaikan Mak her nice baju Kedah, I would put some bedak on her face and then dropped long kissess on both of her cheeks. For almost two months, this was the routine. We made sure she was always cared for by none other than flesh and blood, and we helped with her exercise, with hope that she would be well and back on her feet again.
Tuesday, 7 June 2005
behind my armour
I wasn’t sure why I was doing this. Why was I here, looking, opening myself to emotions I had locked out most of my life? They needed to stay locked out, I told myself. That was survival.
‘Whom are you going to run from?’ You might ask.
No one. Everyone.
The strange moment had passed. And it had been nerves, not needs.We’re just strangers; we’d pass each other on the street. You don’t know anything about my feelings. But I felt everything slip out of focus.
I wasn’t going to cry, not in front of you or anyone, but it came out anyway. There was nothing, absolutely nothing to cry about.
I felt empty inside. Everyone else had left, and I lived with the daily fear that I would be left again and again.
So, I learned to control my emotions that had become my most successful defence against criticisms and my own insecurity.
If there were moments when I had longed for something more, something… exciting, unfathomable, I’d suppressed the needs. I’d come to believe that if I played by the rules, if I followed the steps carefully laid out for me, I’d win in the end. So my rebellions had been very discreet and my dreams meticulously subdued.
I left too, before they came back. Before they can leave me again.
You don’t know how easily I could slip into my armour. It’s never easy to know anyone unless I want to. So, I do what I know best. I run, steel myself. If I don’t look at you in the eyes, please forgive me.
‘Whom are you going to run from?’ You might ask.
No one. Everyone.
The strange moment had passed. And it had been nerves, not needs.We’re just strangers; we’d pass each other on the street. You don’t know anything about my feelings. But I felt everything slip out of focus.
I wasn’t going to cry, not in front of you or anyone, but it came out anyway. There was nothing, absolutely nothing to cry about.
I felt empty inside. Everyone else had left, and I lived with the daily fear that I would be left again and again.
So, I learned to control my emotions that had become my most successful defence against criticisms and my own insecurity.
If there were moments when I had longed for something more, something… exciting, unfathomable, I’d suppressed the needs. I’d come to believe that if I played by the rules, if I followed the steps carefully laid out for me, I’d win in the end. So my rebellions had been very discreet and my dreams meticulously subdued.
I left too, before they came back. Before they can leave me again.
You don’t know how easily I could slip into my armour. It’s never easy to know anyone unless I want to. So, I do what I know best. I run, steel myself. If I don’t look at you in the eyes, please forgive me.
Sunday, 5 June 2005
hikmah Tuhan
Last night I cried again.This time I saw, in my mind, the images of Mak and her worst nightmare.
1995
I just started my semester break. Life in Shah Alam was boring, and it turned out that there was no survival camp arranged for this break. So, I went home to Alor Setar.
Mak was so happy I would be home that she made my favourite mee kari, but she didn’t know that I wasn’t that thrilled. I wanted to go somewhere or do something rather than stay at home. But there was nowhere to go.
I wasn’t happy. I was selfish. I kept thinking about all of my friends who would be leaving to the States soon. I thought about life being unfair and I deserved to be on the same plane with them. It was just not my time but do you think I care? I wanted to go now, not 4 months later.
It was all about me me me. I rebelled by sleeping late at night and waking up in the afternoon. Long after Bapak and Ateh finished their routines. Did Mak say anything? No. She woke me up for subuh and she let me sleep again till I was ready to face the day. She didn’t even know why I was behaving like that, but she let me be.
Once or twice a day, Bapak would come shaking me up but I just went further inside my blanket. The rest of the day, I just watched telly. You can say that I became a lazy bitch.
But just like Ray said, God is All Merciful; He delivered something on our door, unexpectedly.
It was 3 in the morning, when Ateh banged on my door. My room was at the back of the house near the old bathroom in the kitchen and his room was in front, closer to the hall.
He yelled at me and scolded me for tidur mati. And shocked for the first time in my life, I was confused. He stuttered to tell me that something happened.
You see, Ateh is 7 years older than me, and he has a special place in our hearts. Mak kata masa dia dilahirkan, uri dia ditanam deeper than Bapak normally did. Superstitious but God dah nak duga Mak and Bapak.
Ateh has had problem with his speech and brain. Simple things for us but for him, it has to be dealt with great difficulty. He takes some time to comprehend things and his mind works at a crawling speed. But he is not stupid. That’s the misunderstanding people had and still have about him. He’s just mentally challenged but we love him nonetheless. He’s my flesh and blood!
I could see that he was mad at me but all he said was Mak! Mak! And yelling at me at the same time, Bangun! Bangun!
I jumped from the bed and ran outside. I found Mak was lying on the floor next to the dinner table. She didn’t move and she was sobbing… sakit… mak sakit… I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Bapak was out on his tabligh night. It was just me and Ateh.
I was shaking so badly looking at my mother helpless on the floor.
I said to her ‘mak…mak boleh bangun tak?’ She sobbed and geleng her kepala.
‘mak..cek angkat mak ya?’
‘saaakit….siti... sakit’
Ateh was stumped that all he could do was kneeling next to Mak. I could see in his eyes, he was hoping I or rather we could do something to help Mak. And he was looking at me for the answer.
What was I to do? We tried to lift her, but she was so kaku that it was impossible. And every time we tried to move her, she muttered …sakit….sakit…adooi..
I cried because I was useless. There she was, moaning and sobbing and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t even think about calling the hospital, that’s how useless I was.
Her speech was impaired and I could see bubbles coming out of her mouth. Time and again I wiped them, but they continued flowing. I touched her face and chanted Mak…mak… mak mak…
I was rocking her and hugging her. I whispered my imperfect Yassin in her ears. In front of me, Ateh continue to urut her.
It was getting colder by the minutes, I ran around the house frantically looking for blankets to cover her up. We managed to bundle her up in selimut and with all the kudrat we had, Ateh and I carried her to the car.At 5 a.m. we drove off with hope to see a doctor. Tears were like waterfall on my cheeks because for every bump and jolt I felt, Mak had it ten times worse. She couldn’t even open her eyes because the motion hurt her whole body.
When they transferred her on the wheelchair, I prayed that they would not make her feel the pain. She was holding my hands until they wheeled her away from us. We waited for a long long time. Pacing the corridor and not knowing what was happening. At 9 a.m. Bapak finally came. We wanted to call him but we didn’t now how to reach the tabligh group. Mobile phone was only available to the rich.
It was an hour later when the doctor called both me and Bapak into his room. Bapak was an old man, so Dr. thought I should know too. Honestly, Aci or Na was the one he should talk to, not me. I was only 20 and I was about to spread my wings. I did not know the meaning of responsibility. But, grow up I must. Overnight.
He told us what to expect from a person who just had stroke. Stroke? What’s stroke? Mak got diabetes and sakit jantung but not stroke! I was confused and scared. Then I found out.
After a couple of days, she was allowed to go home but with condition she must exercise her movement and flex her muscle. She had to be cared 24/7. From then on I stopped whining about me. Instead, I said syukur to Allah for given me the chance to take care of her. I didn’t know that my delay to the States rupanya ada hikmah tersembunyi.
1995
I just started my semester break. Life in Shah Alam was boring, and it turned out that there was no survival camp arranged for this break. So, I went home to Alor Setar.
Mak was so happy I would be home that she made my favourite mee kari, but she didn’t know that I wasn’t that thrilled. I wanted to go somewhere or do something rather than stay at home. But there was nowhere to go.
I wasn’t happy. I was selfish. I kept thinking about all of my friends who would be leaving to the States soon. I thought about life being unfair and I deserved to be on the same plane with them. It was just not my time but do you think I care? I wanted to go now, not 4 months later.
It was all about me me me. I rebelled by sleeping late at night and waking up in the afternoon. Long after Bapak and Ateh finished their routines. Did Mak say anything? No. She woke me up for subuh and she let me sleep again till I was ready to face the day. She didn’t even know why I was behaving like that, but she let me be.
Once or twice a day, Bapak would come shaking me up but I just went further inside my blanket. The rest of the day, I just watched telly. You can say that I became a lazy bitch.
But just like Ray said, God is All Merciful; He delivered something on our door, unexpectedly.
It was 3 in the morning, when Ateh banged on my door. My room was at the back of the house near the old bathroom in the kitchen and his room was in front, closer to the hall.
He yelled at me and scolded me for tidur mati. And shocked for the first time in my life, I was confused. He stuttered to tell me that something happened.
You see, Ateh is 7 years older than me, and he has a special place in our hearts. Mak kata masa dia dilahirkan, uri dia ditanam deeper than Bapak normally did. Superstitious but God dah nak duga Mak and Bapak.
Ateh has had problem with his speech and brain. Simple things for us but for him, it has to be dealt with great difficulty. He takes some time to comprehend things and his mind works at a crawling speed. But he is not stupid. That’s the misunderstanding people had and still have about him. He’s just mentally challenged but we love him nonetheless. He’s my flesh and blood!
I could see that he was mad at me but all he said was Mak! Mak! And yelling at me at the same time, Bangun! Bangun!
I jumped from the bed and ran outside. I found Mak was lying on the floor next to the dinner table. She didn’t move and she was sobbing… sakit… mak sakit… I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Bapak was out on his tabligh night. It was just me and Ateh.
I was shaking so badly looking at my mother helpless on the floor.
I said to her ‘mak…mak boleh bangun tak?’ She sobbed and geleng her kepala.
‘mak..cek angkat mak ya?’
‘saaakit….siti... sakit’
Ateh was stumped that all he could do was kneeling next to Mak. I could see in his eyes, he was hoping I or rather we could do something to help Mak. And he was looking at me for the answer.
What was I to do? We tried to lift her, but she was so kaku that it was impossible. And every time we tried to move her, she muttered …sakit….sakit…adooi..
I cried because I was useless. There she was, moaning and sobbing and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t even think about calling the hospital, that’s how useless I was.
Her speech was impaired and I could see bubbles coming out of her mouth. Time and again I wiped them, but they continued flowing. I touched her face and chanted Mak…mak… mak mak…
I was rocking her and hugging her. I whispered my imperfect Yassin in her ears. In front of me, Ateh continue to urut her.
It was getting colder by the minutes, I ran around the house frantically looking for blankets to cover her up. We managed to bundle her up in selimut and with all the kudrat we had, Ateh and I carried her to the car.At 5 a.m. we drove off with hope to see a doctor. Tears were like waterfall on my cheeks because for every bump and jolt I felt, Mak had it ten times worse. She couldn’t even open her eyes because the motion hurt her whole body.
When they transferred her on the wheelchair, I prayed that they would not make her feel the pain. She was holding my hands until they wheeled her away from us. We waited for a long long time. Pacing the corridor and not knowing what was happening. At 9 a.m. Bapak finally came. We wanted to call him but we didn’t now how to reach the tabligh group. Mobile phone was only available to the rich.
It was an hour later when the doctor called both me and Bapak into his room. Bapak was an old man, so Dr. thought I should know too. Honestly, Aci or Na was the one he should talk to, not me. I was only 20 and I was about to spread my wings. I did not know the meaning of responsibility. But, grow up I must. Overnight.
He told us what to expect from a person who just had stroke. Stroke? What’s stroke? Mak got diabetes and sakit jantung but not stroke! I was confused and scared. Then I found out.
After a couple of days, she was allowed to go home but with condition she must exercise her movement and flex her muscle. She had to be cared 24/7. From then on I stopped whining about me. Instead, I said syukur to Allah for given me the chance to take care of her. I didn’t know that my delay to the States rupanya ada hikmah tersembunyi.
Saturday, 4 June 2005
exorcise the demons
In my previous post, I wrote about how I feel it’s time to reconcile with the memories I had with my mother and family. And last night, as I was lying on the bed trying to will myself to sleep, it dawn to me that as a reflection of who I am, I should begin writing about myself.It’s ironic.
When I named the blog, I didn’t really know what kind of battles I’m facing. I thought they will be just ordinary life obstacles. But now I know better. To move on with my life, I have to exorcise the invisible demons in my head. There are two sides of me. The good in me wanted to feel that I belong somewhere and experience the love I once had. The evil side of me are the ones that are holding back. They’re the one who refused to remember the things I had with my family, be it good or bad.
Deep in my heart, I know that I am still in denial. It’s not easy to come to term with it because denial was the only way I know how to survive. Even after all these years. I never told anyone my fears and my anguish. Everyone thought that I was always happy because all they saw was the smile plastered on my face.
When I first started this blog, it wasn’t because of the need to spill all the beans. It was just a trend, then it became a place I can write without having to censor anything. I started writing about my family, but I found that I wasn’t able to express myself properly. However, I realized it’s therapeutic to get it out of my system or to speak to someone. To tell someone of our insecurities and fears and to share good times and love and happiness. It feels good to let the emotion in you runs free and to let go of the darkest thought. I just don’t know how.
I never had someone to listen to me, maybe because I always held back. I was afraid that if they know my thoughts, I will lose their friendships. Just as I lost my parents. How naïve of me to think that. So, I showed them the other side of me, who wasn’t affected by the incidents that happened in my life. I portrayed myself as the strong person who cannot be touched emotionally.
I distanced myself from friends and family. I didn’t want to see them for a lot of reasons. Friends, because I don’t want to tell them what was happening in my life or my job. Family, because I don’t want them to know what I was up to or nag at me. I kept the social life apart, and I avoided going home.
As far as I can remember, I only broke down in tears once. Weird considering that I am a very sensitive person. I can easily cry when I listen to a song, or when I saw an ad. Dammit! I even cry watching Extreme Home Makeover and those two ladies Trinny and Susannah. Yet, I am unable to feel anything about my own life. How pathetic am I?
Maybe I was ashamed of who I am. Maybe I was just stupid. Or maybe I was still dealing with my loss. There’re so many maybes. Was I ashamed because I was just a kampong girl? Was I ashamed because I didn’t score 3.8 GPA? And for how long do I have to deal with the loss before I come to my senses?
I won’t promise anything. This will be a long journey. I want to remember everything. I want to write about my family. I want to tell the whole world that I do have a family even though I hardly went home or included them in my life before. I want to write about a few selective wonderful friends I have, who became more than just friends. Two entities who love me for who I am and accept me with all my excess baggage. I want to remind myself that I should be grateful that I still have them with me and thankful with what I have.
I shall be true to myself and I shall use this to heal the pains in my heart. This is my story. And today, I don’t want to forget anymore.
When I named the blog, I didn’t really know what kind of battles I’m facing. I thought they will be just ordinary life obstacles. But now I know better. To move on with my life, I have to exorcise the invisible demons in my head. There are two sides of me. The good in me wanted to feel that I belong somewhere and experience the love I once had. The evil side of me are the ones that are holding back. They’re the one who refused to remember the things I had with my family, be it good or bad.
Deep in my heart, I know that I am still in denial. It’s not easy to come to term with it because denial was the only way I know how to survive. Even after all these years. I never told anyone my fears and my anguish. Everyone thought that I was always happy because all they saw was the smile plastered on my face.
When I first started this blog, it wasn’t because of the need to spill all the beans. It was just a trend, then it became a place I can write without having to censor anything. I started writing about my family, but I found that I wasn’t able to express myself properly. However, I realized it’s therapeutic to get it out of my system or to speak to someone. To tell someone of our insecurities and fears and to share good times and love and happiness. It feels good to let the emotion in you runs free and to let go of the darkest thought. I just don’t know how.
I never had someone to listen to me, maybe because I always held back. I was afraid that if they know my thoughts, I will lose their friendships. Just as I lost my parents. How naïve of me to think that. So, I showed them the other side of me, who wasn’t affected by the incidents that happened in my life. I portrayed myself as the strong person who cannot be touched emotionally.
I distanced myself from friends and family. I didn’t want to see them for a lot of reasons. Friends, because I don’t want to tell them what was happening in my life or my job. Family, because I don’t want them to know what I was up to or nag at me. I kept the social life apart, and I avoided going home.
As far as I can remember, I only broke down in tears once. Weird considering that I am a very sensitive person. I can easily cry when I listen to a song, or when I saw an ad. Dammit! I even cry watching Extreme Home Makeover and those two ladies Trinny and Susannah. Yet, I am unable to feel anything about my own life. How pathetic am I?
Maybe I was ashamed of who I am. Maybe I was just stupid. Or maybe I was still dealing with my loss. There’re so many maybes. Was I ashamed because I was just a kampong girl? Was I ashamed because I didn’t score 3.8 GPA? And for how long do I have to deal with the loss before I come to my senses?
I won’t promise anything. This will be a long journey. I want to remember everything. I want to write about my family. I want to tell the whole world that I do have a family even though I hardly went home or included them in my life before. I want to write about a few selective wonderful friends I have, who became more than just friends. Two entities who love me for who I am and accept me with all my excess baggage. I want to remind myself that I should be grateful that I still have them with me and thankful with what I have.
I shall be true to myself and I shall use this to heal the pains in my heart. This is my story. And today, I don’t want to forget anymore.
Thursday, 2 June 2005
secret recipes
Since I was a kid, I have always been passionate about food. Maybe it's in my gene, you know, like mother like daughter. Mom was very much into recipes, be it baking or cooking. She used to drag me to some of her cooking classes and competitions.
Once when I was 12, she competed in two categories; traditional kueh and puddings, and she came second in both. After she received her prizes, we wallup all the food and didn't leave anything behind. I was quite proud of her but too bad I didn't let her know about it.
She didn't really teach me anything but she made sure I was in the kitchen helping her whenever she tried new recipes. I guess because of that, I eventually fell in love with the art of cooking. Aci and I inherited her passion for food. And for as long as I can remember, I like feeding people and I like making my food look pretty too.
When nobody was home, I would pretend that I was dining at a restaurant and served myself lunch. Sometimes, I ate at a Japanese restaurant, so I dig out her Jap dining sets and chopsticks. At other times, I drank juice in her flute and had lunch with fork and knife. Perasan dining at a continental restoran lah tuu..
When she was still alive, I didn't really care or take notes about all these. Acuh tak acuh saja belajar from her.
After she passed away, I just didn't want to remember our time together. It hurt so bad that I locked them away and thrown out the key to a place I didn't want to go back to. I was not bothered with her recipe books, but now I garu kepala cari them. They're the link I had with my mother. When I think about the memories with her, I want to treasure them most but I'm unable to do so because they're somehow have been lost in time. Almost 10 years later, maybe it's time to reconcile.
I am not normally kedekut ilmu. Whatever I know, I love to share with people. However, to tell you the truth, when it comes to recipes, I guarded them so closely. Especially the family recipes. Once, when Na first got married, his wife wanted to make our special cornflake biscuits and she asked for the recipes.
Of course I didn't tell her our secret ingredients, instead I made extra for them just because I didn't want her to know how to do it. You think I'd give aah? Say lah I'm so jahat one for doing that to my own sis-in-law. I don't care. The recipe stays in the family. But now she's part of the family so ok lah.
My point is, the cream crackers baked murtabak recipe has been in the family for so long, I don't know whether I want to share them with you readers. See? Jahatkan I ni?
But, because some of you have been drooling just by looking at the pic, and you asked me nicely, I will share the recipe in the blog. I buat cincai je so recipe pun cincai cara I jugaklah. It will only be displayed for 2 days and after that, it will disappear. So sapa cepat dia dapat lah. Copyright reserved. No distribution allowed, ok.
Updates: Sorry folks, recipe has been removed.
Once when I was 12, she competed in two categories; traditional kueh and puddings, and she came second in both. After she received her prizes, we wallup all the food and didn't leave anything behind. I was quite proud of her but too bad I didn't let her know about it.
She didn't really teach me anything but she made sure I was in the kitchen helping her whenever she tried new recipes. I guess because of that, I eventually fell in love with the art of cooking. Aci and I inherited her passion for food. And for as long as I can remember, I like feeding people and I like making my food look pretty too.
When nobody was home, I would pretend that I was dining at a restaurant and served myself lunch. Sometimes, I ate at a Japanese restaurant, so I dig out her Jap dining sets and chopsticks. At other times, I drank juice in her flute and had lunch with fork and knife. Perasan dining at a continental restoran lah tuu..
When she was still alive, I didn't really care or take notes about all these. Acuh tak acuh saja belajar from her.
After she passed away, I just didn't want to remember our time together. It hurt so bad that I locked them away and thrown out the key to a place I didn't want to go back to. I was not bothered with her recipe books, but now I garu kepala cari them. They're the link I had with my mother. When I think about the memories with her, I want to treasure them most but I'm unable to do so because they're somehow have been lost in time. Almost 10 years later, maybe it's time to reconcile.
I am not normally kedekut ilmu. Whatever I know, I love to share with people. However, to tell you the truth, when it comes to recipes, I guarded them so closely. Especially the family recipes. Once, when Na first got married, his wife wanted to make our special cornflake biscuits and she asked for the recipes.
Of course I didn't tell her our secret ingredients, instead I made extra for them just because I didn't want her to know how to do it. You think I'd give aah? Say lah I'm so jahat one for doing that to my own sis-in-law. I don't care. The recipe stays in the family. But now she's part of the family so ok lah.
My point is, the cream crackers baked murtabak recipe has been in the family for so long, I don't know whether I want to share them with you readers. See? Jahatkan I ni?
But, because some of you have been drooling just by looking at the pic, and you asked me nicely, I will share the recipe in the blog. I buat cincai je so recipe pun cincai cara I jugaklah. It will only be displayed for 2 days and after that, it will disappear. So sapa cepat dia dapat lah. Copyright reserved. No distribution allowed, ok.
Updates: Sorry folks, recipe has been removed.
Wednesday, 25 May 2005
reminders for the opposite sex
Some men need to take notes of these because, obviously, you need reminding. This is not male bashing, it's for your own good.
The next time you and your mates joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you aim successfully at the toilet rim.
Please don't drive when you're not driving.
If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask the question in bed.
The next time you bitch about women drivers, research the number of accidents caused by ogling our mini-skirts.
When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.
If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive as opposed to a negative grunt.
Don't insist that we get off the phone and then not talk to us.
Eye contact is best established above our shoulder level.
Cleaning the house is not necessarily women's work; besides, most of the dirt and clutters is yours anyway.
Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men. Why is it, then, that you never want to cook?
We go to the loo in groups to talk about you.
The next time you and your mates joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you aim successfully at the toilet rim.
Please don't drive when you're not driving.
If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask the question in bed.
The next time you bitch about women drivers, research the number of accidents caused by ogling our mini-skirts.
When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.
If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive as opposed to a negative grunt.
Don't insist that we get off the phone and then not talk to us.
Eye contact is best established above our shoulder level.
Cleaning the house is not necessarily women's work; besides, most of the dirt and clutters is yours anyway.
Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men. Why is it, then, that you never want to cook?
We go to the loo in groups to talk about you.
Thursday, 19 May 2005
family matters
What do you do when your brother-in-law invited you to join his Friendster and hi5 lists?
Of course I won't join. The ones I joined years ago pun tak terjaga. I never joined anything anymore, even when many sent me invitations and I'm not about to start again. I haven't got time for that and I'm so malas one.
Ok, I love my family dearly but I think I want to keep my online life separated from my real life. I'm uncomfortable if they find out the heck I'm merapu-ing about. So, sorry lah Abg N.
Speaking bout family, what a small world lah kan! KakTeh and I are, somehow demented that we are, from the same clan. Esshh. KakTeh jgn marah yek with my posting. I still can't get over the fact that of all the places, boleh jumpa sedara while blogging, considering I ni jarang bergaul sangat.
Of course I won't join. The ones I joined years ago pun tak terjaga. I never joined anything anymore, even when many sent me invitations and I'm not about to start again. I haven't got time for that and I'm so malas one.
Ok, I love my family dearly but I think I want to keep my online life separated from my real life. I'm uncomfortable if they find out the heck I'm merapu-ing about. So, sorry lah Abg N.
Speaking bout family, what a small world lah kan! KakTeh and I are, somehow demented that we are, from the same clan. Esshh. KakTeh jgn marah yek with my posting. I still can't get over the fact that of all the places, boleh jumpa sedara while blogging, considering I ni jarang bergaul sangat.
Wednesday, 18 May 2005
what la you?
I dunno what is it about me that give an impression that I lead a very interesting and sophisticated life, and make loads of dosh.
Nak kata famous, tidak... Nak kata lawa pun jauh sekali... Nak kata jahat tu jahat jugaklah sikit sikit. Heh..but lately asyik dapat colourful emails with out of the world remarks that could dampen my spirit je. Ada pulak allegation yang I have a high flying lifestyle, suka menunjuk nunjuk and kuat memilih sejak duduk kat Londres ni.
Hahahaha… Tah apa apa lah manusia ni. Essh… Hello! Kat mana you dapat ni?
If you think selling ice cream and driving around the country like a slave driver is chic, then I think you need to have your head examined.
Just because you read some stories in my blog or saw some pictures, it doesn’t mean you can make assumptions about me.For the record, I am far from being chic.Yes, I live in London but if you know how expensive everything is here, then you’d know that I’m always broke before the 15th of every month. I’m tempted to start gambling so that I can increase my bank account by 9 fold tau.
The thing is I’m lucky that my job requires me to travel with all expenses covered. I think I know all the motorways, A and B roads in Britain better than most Brits. That’s how I get to go to most UK cities, and great historical places like the castles and such. Kalau nak harap duit sendiri, jangan mimpi lah.
And yes I travel for pleasure too and these things cost money, but kalau dah dok sini tak pegi travel rugi lah. Tu yang broke selalu tu. Kalau you all nak tau, I pegi jalan2 tu pun on a very tight budget. I took buses, stayed in hostels and walked all over cities. Sometimes I shared a room with 10 other stinking travellers who came back loud and drunk. No luxury I tell you!
I don’t own a car, let alone live in a posh house. The current flat is nice and well equipped with monster plasma tv, broadband, dvd, PS2, sky cable, 3 aquariums (my flatmate is a fish man) and whatnot but sorry to disappoint you, these gadgets are not mine. I tumpang guna saja.
Hah lagi satu... You can talk to me about iPod la, PDA la bla bla bla, I seriously tak tau nak guna and I’m not interested in having one pun. J gave me an mp3 for Christmas but sampai sekarang I tak reti reti nak upload songs into it. Adik kecik you pun tah tah lagi terer guna all these.
My mode of transportation is a small van courtesy of the company, or sometimes I take the tube. I don't have the urge to own a Merc like most Malaysians kat sini yang berlumba lumba nak bawak balik sebijik. My room is so damn small I can’t even fit my workstation in. My desktop is another courtesy from the office.
Masa I first moved to London, The Mentor kesian tengok I kot, so dia bagi pinjam segala mak nenek barang2 rumah. Iron, set pinggan mangkuk, glasses, tv, cooking utensils, selimut, kettle, sudu garpu. Semua ehsan dia. Bed and mattress pun dia kasi. Yang syok nya dia bagi I dok free lagi in her nice flat while I was looking for my own place. Come winter time, heater puuun I pinjam dengan office. Hahahaha.
My office is near Cardiff, so sometimes I had to stay overnight. I used to book myself into a Travel Inn, but because they costed the company so much, I opted to stay in a caravan. My choice tau, kalau org lain tu mesti nak dok hotel je. Caravan ni The Boss punya, but he said I can have unlimited access whenever. It's definitely not Mandarin Oriental but I love it.
I haven’t had my hair done in like ages. Not even a haircut. Apa nak buat, balik keje dah malam malam buta, then had to do paperwork lagi. Kedai semua dah tutup.
Shopping spree is not my top priority. The last time I bought a pair of shoes was in Jan, and before that I think it was with Ju at Jaya Jusco back in Feb 2004. Tu dia! Punya lah cikai nye I ni.
However, I am lucky to have met very very generous and kind people ever since I merantau dengan sehelai sepinggang and satu backpack (betul, tak tipu punya). Everyone has been so helpful.
So, there! Sorry to disappoint you. I'm not worthy of envious thoughts or gossips. You and I have nothing in common. Except I makan nasik, you pun makan nasik, unless your meal is Poulet à la Parisienne and you drink Chardonnay. I don't know Damansara just like you don't know where Tongkang Yard is (that's my mum nye kampung)
This is how I live my life. Some of you may know me personally and if I may, I prefer to remain as Ewok to the rest. Bila I balik M'sia, kalau nak jumpa tu lain cerita.
If you think my life is interesting, then I’d say hoo-fucking-ray (alamak! sori ray cats and Pak Malim, no offense ya)
Nak kata famous, tidak... Nak kata lawa pun jauh sekali... Nak kata jahat tu jahat jugaklah sikit sikit. Heh..but lately asyik dapat colourful emails with out of the world remarks that could dampen my spirit je. Ada pulak allegation yang I have a high flying lifestyle, suka menunjuk nunjuk and kuat memilih sejak duduk kat Londres ni.
Hahahaha… Tah apa apa lah manusia ni. Essh… Hello! Kat mana you dapat ni?
If you think selling ice cream and driving around the country like a slave driver is chic, then I think you need to have your head examined.
Just because you read some stories in my blog or saw some pictures, it doesn’t mean you can make assumptions about me.For the record, I am far from being chic.Yes, I live in London but if you know how expensive everything is here, then you’d know that I’m always broke before the 15th of every month. I’m tempted to start gambling so that I can increase my bank account by 9 fold tau.
The thing is I’m lucky that my job requires me to travel with all expenses covered. I think I know all the motorways, A and B roads in Britain better than most Brits. That’s how I get to go to most UK cities, and great historical places like the castles and such. Kalau nak harap duit sendiri, jangan mimpi lah.
And yes I travel for pleasure too and these things cost money, but kalau dah dok sini tak pegi travel rugi lah. Tu yang broke selalu tu. Kalau you all nak tau, I pegi jalan2 tu pun on a very tight budget. I took buses, stayed in hostels and walked all over cities. Sometimes I shared a room with 10 other stinking travellers who came back loud and drunk. No luxury I tell you!
I don’t own a car, let alone live in a posh house. The current flat is nice and well equipped with monster plasma tv, broadband, dvd, PS2, sky cable, 3 aquariums (my flatmate is a fish man) and whatnot but sorry to disappoint you, these gadgets are not mine. I tumpang guna saja.
Hah lagi satu... You can talk to me about iPod la, PDA la bla bla bla, I seriously tak tau nak guna and I’m not interested in having one pun. J gave me an mp3 for Christmas but sampai sekarang I tak reti reti nak upload songs into it. Adik kecik you pun tah tah lagi terer guna all these.
My mode of transportation is a small van courtesy of the company, or sometimes I take the tube. I don't have the urge to own a Merc like most Malaysians kat sini yang berlumba lumba nak bawak balik sebijik. My room is so damn small I can’t even fit my workstation in. My desktop is another courtesy from the office.
Masa I first moved to London, The Mentor kesian tengok I kot, so dia bagi pinjam segala mak nenek barang2 rumah. Iron, set pinggan mangkuk, glasses, tv, cooking utensils, selimut, kettle, sudu garpu. Semua ehsan dia. Bed and mattress pun dia kasi. Yang syok nya dia bagi I dok free lagi in her nice flat while I was looking for my own place. Come winter time, heater puuun I pinjam dengan office. Hahahaha.
My office is near Cardiff, so sometimes I had to stay overnight. I used to book myself into a Travel Inn, but because they costed the company so much, I opted to stay in a caravan. My choice tau, kalau org lain tu mesti nak dok hotel je. Caravan ni The Boss punya, but he said I can have unlimited access whenever. It's definitely not Mandarin Oriental but I love it.
I haven’t had my hair done in like ages. Not even a haircut. Apa nak buat, balik keje dah malam malam buta, then had to do paperwork lagi. Kedai semua dah tutup.
Shopping spree is not my top priority. The last time I bought a pair of shoes was in Jan, and before that I think it was with Ju at Jaya Jusco back in Feb 2004. Tu dia! Punya lah cikai nye I ni.
However, I am lucky to have met very very generous and kind people ever since I merantau dengan sehelai sepinggang and satu backpack (betul, tak tipu punya). Everyone has been so helpful.
So, there! Sorry to disappoint you. I'm not worthy of envious thoughts or gossips. You and I have nothing in common. Except I makan nasik, you pun makan nasik, unless your meal is Poulet à la Parisienne and you drink Chardonnay. I don't know Damansara just like you don't know where Tongkang Yard is (that's my mum nye kampung)
This is how I live my life. Some of you may know me personally and if I may, I prefer to remain as Ewok to the rest. Bila I balik M'sia, kalau nak jumpa tu lain cerita.
If you think my life is interesting, then I’d say hoo-fucking-ray (alamak! sori ray cats and Pak Malim, no offense ya)
Tuesday, 17 May 2005
The future is female
The wedding will take place in 5 weeks.
Not my wedding, of course. Sorry, didn’t mean to tease you like that. Last year, I sent a couple to work at Roman ruins and they came back with the news.
This is me, posting something that I might regret later on. Blame it on the hormones.
There’s this article I read about the future being female.
My future is female, isn’t it? No nice men, only ever increasing number of cats. I am going to get all eccentric and retire to a farm in Pendang with sixty cats, leaving my nieces and nephews to grind their teeth in fury when I leave everything to the clubhouse.
I could see it now.
I didn’t actually have a cat yet, but it’s inevitable. So you’ll forgive me if I wasn’t too thrilled at the wedding announcement. Love hurts, and wedding should be banned from inviting single people, hateful torture sessions that they are.
Standing around with all the old parents and parents’ mates comparing who’s been paired off to whom: score one for boyfriend, four for engaged and a clear six for married.
Even worse are the actual young couples, sneaking their arms through each other’s in such a way that you look, and then they blush and pretend to have been caught out. And say patronising things about how great it must be to have a career. Urgh, they make me sick.
Hey hey hey! Stop it E!
What’s got into me? Ok, I’m a romantic who wanted the whole thing, the real deal. Who wouldn’t? Only I don’t want it, like... now. What scared me was that the guy in this fantasy is still – faceless?
Not my wedding, of course. Sorry, didn’t mean to tease you like that. Last year, I sent a couple to work at Roman ruins and they came back with the news.
This is me, posting something that I might regret later on. Blame it on the hormones.
There’s this article I read about the future being female.
My future is female, isn’t it? No nice men, only ever increasing number of cats. I am going to get all eccentric and retire to a farm in Pendang with sixty cats, leaving my nieces and nephews to grind their teeth in fury when I leave everything to the clubhouse.
I could see it now.
I didn’t actually have a cat yet, but it’s inevitable. So you’ll forgive me if I wasn’t too thrilled at the wedding announcement. Love hurts, and wedding should be banned from inviting single people, hateful torture sessions that they are.
Standing around with all the old parents and parents’ mates comparing who’s been paired off to whom: score one for boyfriend, four for engaged and a clear six for married.
Even worse are the actual young couples, sneaking their arms through each other’s in such a way that you look, and then they blush and pretend to have been caught out. And say patronising things about how great it must be to have a career. Urgh, they make me sick.
Hey hey hey! Stop it E!
What’s got into me? Ok, I’m a romantic who wanted the whole thing, the real deal. Who wouldn’t? Only I don’t want it, like... now. What scared me was that the guy in this fantasy is still – faceless?
Wednesday, 11 May 2005
Little things that matter
Everyone here knows who Dina Zaman is. She’s an icon in her own style for many of you and she has inspired many of us to write, including me, you, you and you. Though she denied that she is a celebrity but truthfully, she is well known in her field and had created a name for herself. Watch out! She's the new breed of writers to take on the world.
So, you think you know her stuffs and you read her articles. You cry reading her stories, you laugh at her jokes but how well do you know her on a personal level? No much I reckon. That's because she is also well known for some ass kicking when her privacy is invaded. How many of you know what her likes and dislikes?
Not many, huh? So, in my attempt to get to know her personally, I accidentally cracked her skull and had a peek at what’s it’s like to be in her head. This is what I found out when I interviewed the cells in Dina’s brain. Let’s get up close and personal.
Oh! Can somebody switch off the light, please?
Are you the types that shy away from telling us your age?
No. I am 36. I’m not shy.
Where do you come from?
My family originated from the East Coast. My father is Kelantanese, though there is a lot of Pattani blood. My mum is from Terengganu. Having said that, my family is huge. If you were to meet my family, you would wonder as some of us look Malay, Arab, Chinese etc. My immediate family – my father and I look Chinese, mum looks mixed, and my sisters Malay. We originally were Bugese.
How long have you lived here?
In Malaysia? 50% of my life. I have family all around the globe. Also my father worked abroad so we followed him. We lived in the Communist countries. Other people lived in Europe. My dad had to get postings in Moscow, Prague etc. But they were beautiful countries.
I heard you have mad family. Tell us about them.
I wouldn’t say they’re mad, but we have a lot of characters! That’s why I am close and enjoy being with my family, because the things I hear are so delightful and funny! You know us East Coast people. All these polygamous marriages and stealing other people’s wives or husbands, heh heh.
You girls must be handful for your dad to handle when you’re growing up.
Er, yes. We’re very different, we girls. I am free spirited. Liza is quiet but when she is stubborn… Nora is the beauty queen. But the one that is close and yet gives my father grief would be me. Poor man. Sometimes he just gives up. But I always tell him, he has a choice: to have a boring daughter or someone that entertains him.
Were you breast fed when you were an infant?
I don’t know. I got to ask Mum, but she’s gone for some luncheon.
Do you have a pet?
I HAD. Brush.
Name the worst thing you ever did for attention.
Alamak. When I was in Form 5, I had a crush on one boy in SMS Selangor. So I became his secret admirer, wrote him letters and when I met him, I’d say so and so kirim salam. I even told him his admirer was sexy. One day I confessed. I think he fainted.
What are you doing just after midnight on Saturday?
Tidur lah! Where got life?
What era, event or day in history you would like to re-live?
Two: the Victorian era and the 30s. The former because of the literary and erotic movements at that time. I have great interest in the history of courtesans and erotica because while these two were lambasted for bringing moral decay to the Victorians, they were actually very powerful influences on politics and governance. The 30s because Anais Nin was around and there was such great romance and sensuality to that era. Also, writing was exploding then.
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Being with someone I love, reading books, having one kid, and going on adventures with the love of my life.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Ah-hah. Read Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus and look for Elena and Bijou. Elena is the hopeless romantic while Bijou is the whore of the decade. Why them? Because of the way they lived their lives with great passion.
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
None.
Do you smoke?
Only when I am very very very stressed and with very very close friends. Is one cigarette considered smoking? Ok, I’m lying. The most I smoke is two. That’s my only vice apart from buying books. I don’t drink, indulge in illegal things. I’m really boring!
The quality you most admire in a person?
Honesty.
What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty, honesty, and non-judgement. Oh yes, a great sense of humour.
What is your dream of happiness?
Being with the love of my life. I’m not telling you who.
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
That I never pursued my goals, and didn’t end up with this person.
What is your favorite color?
White.
What is your favorite bird?
I hate birds. I like cats.
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Calmness and patience.
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Eh?Whose faults? Mine? I have a temper. I can be incredibly moody. I can also be incredibly aloof and a loner.
What is the most adventurous thing you’ve done?
Falling in love.
Name something you keep in your underwear drawer (besides bras and g-string)
Perfume sachet. So that my undies smell nice. I found 10 bucks in there once. I don’t know how it got there.
Name a place you don’t belong
Bangsar, Jalan Telawi.
Describe that low, low moment when you just thought you might have to leave KL for good.
Well, it hasn’t happened yet but I guess… if this dream does not come true, I’ll pack my bags.
Are you good at Frisbee?
Dah lama tak main.
Was the contract with Vivid Video a mistake? Ops..sorry. You’re not a porn star.
Actually I was meant to be the Playmate of the Year. Yeah, I actually won the Two Fried Eggs Award. I can’t talk much, you’ll have to speak to my lawyer.
Give me three words that describe you as a person in non-physical terms.
I hate describing myself. 3 words. Temperamental. Finicky. Funny.
What turns you on?
Your blog is PG rated love! Ha ha! I can’t tell you!
What turns you off?
BO. Sloppy manners. Superficiality. Pretentiousness. Stupidity. Men that criticise women when they’re actually fat and have smelly breath.
What is your favorite curse word?
It used to be shit, but now it’s crap. It depends.
What profession would you like to attempt other than your own?
An actress. In the 1930s of course.
What books have influenced you?
So many! Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Love in The Time of Cholera; Kawabata Yasunari’s The House of Sleeping Beauties; Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus and Little Birds; the Quran; The Kite Runner; many many more. James Herriotts books.
Are you a sports fan?
No.
What five items would you put in a time capsule to be opened in a thousand years?
A photo of my family and me; my favourite book; my favourite perfume; buku Yassin and a lock of my hair.
Have you read any of the crossover children’s fiction such as J K Rowling (Harry Potter) and Philip Pullman (His Dark Materials)?
Yes.
Who is your style icon?
Two: Audrey Hepburn and Katherine Hepburn. I like the American way of dressing. Very clean and simple.
What is your favourite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?
With my books. If I have a partner, it’ll be hanging out watching movies.
What is your preferred movie-viewing snack food?
Popcorn with salt
How do you write? Straight to computer or sketched ideas with pen and paper?
Sketched ideas. Then write on paper. Then pc.
What is your favourite film?
All the Indiana Jones; Welcome Back Mr McDonald, The English Patient
Can photography be described as art?
Yes.
Have you enrol in a swimming class yet?
Nope. Shy la to wear swim suit. I go for classes in MY HEAD.
What will you be doing at 6:45pm on May 19th?
Packing up to go home, makan, baca and sleep. I told you my life is boring.
What is the weirdest medical condition or physical attribute you have?
I have endometriosis. Which is why I have to be careful for my well-being.
Name something you enjoy that you are not particularly proud of
Hmmm. I wouldn’t know. Hey, I do. I’m not telling you!
Do you have tattoos or piercings?
My ears are pierced.
What' s your favorite smell?
Vanilla. Esp my fave perfume, Angel. Oh oh, yes, another one. But that I can’t tell you! Ha ha!
What is your motto?
Seize the day! ‘Carpe diem!’
Who are your favorite characters in history?
None.
What historical figures do you most despise?
None.
In what country would you like to live?
I would like to live in either Paris, the South of France or the Muslim quarter in Spain. Right now Ubud.
What is your favorite flower?
Haleconias. When we lived in our former home, the garden was blooming with them. I always had this morbid wish that my grave would be surrounded by them.
Who would you have liked to be?
I have always wanted to try being the Most Sexy and Popular Girl, for a day. Nak tengok apa yang syoknya tu.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Poverty.
Would you pose nude for £50,000 (this is not an offer!)?
Only if the painting or photo is burned afterwards!
What' s your favorite fruit?
Mango
Name a sport that really sucks
Netball. In TKC they were crazy for netball. I hated it.
Are you romantically involved with someone at the moment?
No. But I do like someone :) But like all my love affairs, it will never happen.
Wah! Looks like her brain can't stop talking to me. I think I'm exhausted from asking too many questions. And hmm... nothing really juicy or scandalous I could use to sell to the Daily Mirror.*whispering* You know what? I think she's got the hot for that grey haired man. Can you imagine him wearing kain pelikat? And burn that nude photo? Hell no!
So, you think you know her stuffs and you read her articles. You cry reading her stories, you laugh at her jokes but how well do you know her on a personal level? No much I reckon. That's because she is also well known for some ass kicking when her privacy is invaded. How many of you know what her likes and dislikes?
Not many, huh? So, in my attempt to get to know her personally, I accidentally cracked her skull and had a peek at what’s it’s like to be in her head. This is what I found out when I interviewed the cells in Dina’s brain. Let’s get up close and personal.
Oh! Can somebody switch off the light, please?
Are you the types that shy away from telling us your age?
No. I am 36. I’m not shy.
Where do you come from?
My family originated from the East Coast. My father is Kelantanese, though there is a lot of Pattani blood. My mum is from Terengganu. Having said that, my family is huge. If you were to meet my family, you would wonder as some of us look Malay, Arab, Chinese etc. My immediate family – my father and I look Chinese, mum looks mixed, and my sisters Malay. We originally were Bugese.
How long have you lived here?
In Malaysia? 50% of my life. I have family all around the globe. Also my father worked abroad so we followed him. We lived in the Communist countries. Other people lived in Europe. My dad had to get postings in Moscow, Prague etc. But they were beautiful countries.
I heard you have mad family. Tell us about them.
I wouldn’t say they’re mad, but we have a lot of characters! That’s why I am close and enjoy being with my family, because the things I hear are so delightful and funny! You know us East Coast people. All these polygamous marriages and stealing other people’s wives or husbands, heh heh.
You girls must be handful for your dad to handle when you’re growing up.
Er, yes. We’re very different, we girls. I am free spirited. Liza is quiet but when she is stubborn… Nora is the beauty queen. But the one that is close and yet gives my father grief would be me. Poor man. Sometimes he just gives up. But I always tell him, he has a choice: to have a boring daughter or someone that entertains him.
Were you breast fed when you were an infant?
I don’t know. I got to ask Mum, but she’s gone for some luncheon.
Do you have a pet?
I HAD. Brush.
Name the worst thing you ever did for attention.
Alamak. When I was in Form 5, I had a crush on one boy in SMS Selangor. So I became his secret admirer, wrote him letters and when I met him, I’d say so and so kirim salam. I even told him his admirer was sexy. One day I confessed. I think he fainted.
What are you doing just after midnight on Saturday?
Tidur lah! Where got life?
What era, event or day in history you would like to re-live?
Two: the Victorian era and the 30s. The former because of the literary and erotic movements at that time. I have great interest in the history of courtesans and erotica because while these two were lambasted for bringing moral decay to the Victorians, they were actually very powerful influences on politics and governance. The 30s because Anais Nin was around and there was such great romance and sensuality to that era. Also, writing was exploding then.
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Being with someone I love, reading books, having one kid, and going on adventures with the love of my life.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Ah-hah. Read Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus and look for Elena and Bijou. Elena is the hopeless romantic while Bijou is the whore of the decade. Why them? Because of the way they lived their lives with great passion.
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
None.
Do you smoke?
Only when I am very very very stressed and with very very close friends. Is one cigarette considered smoking? Ok, I’m lying. The most I smoke is two. That’s my only vice apart from buying books. I don’t drink, indulge in illegal things. I’m really boring!
The quality you most admire in a person?
Honesty.
What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty, honesty, and non-judgement. Oh yes, a great sense of humour.
What is your dream of happiness?
Being with the love of my life. I’m not telling you who.
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
That I never pursued my goals, and didn’t end up with this person.
What is your favorite color?
White.
What is your favorite bird?
I hate birds. I like cats.
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Calmness and patience.
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Eh?Whose faults? Mine? I have a temper. I can be incredibly moody. I can also be incredibly aloof and a loner.
What is the most adventurous thing you’ve done?
Falling in love.
Name something you keep in your underwear drawer (besides bras and g-string)
Perfume sachet. So that my undies smell nice. I found 10 bucks in there once. I don’t know how it got there.
Name a place you don’t belong
Bangsar, Jalan Telawi.
Describe that low, low moment when you just thought you might have to leave KL for good.
Well, it hasn’t happened yet but I guess… if this dream does not come true, I’ll pack my bags.
Are you good at Frisbee?
Dah lama tak main.
Was the contract with Vivid Video a mistake? Ops..sorry. You’re not a porn star.
Actually I was meant to be the Playmate of the Year. Yeah, I actually won the Two Fried Eggs Award. I can’t talk much, you’ll have to speak to my lawyer.
Give me three words that describe you as a person in non-physical terms.
I hate describing myself. 3 words. Temperamental. Finicky. Funny.
What turns you on?
Your blog is PG rated love! Ha ha! I can’t tell you!
What turns you off?
BO. Sloppy manners. Superficiality. Pretentiousness. Stupidity. Men that criticise women when they’re actually fat and have smelly breath.
What is your favorite curse word?
It used to be shit, but now it’s crap. It depends.
What profession would you like to attempt other than your own?
An actress. In the 1930s of course.
What books have influenced you?
So many! Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Love in The Time of Cholera; Kawabata Yasunari’s The House of Sleeping Beauties; Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus and Little Birds; the Quran; The Kite Runner; many many more. James Herriotts books.
Are you a sports fan?
No.
What five items would you put in a time capsule to be opened in a thousand years?
A photo of my family and me; my favourite book; my favourite perfume; buku Yassin and a lock of my hair.
Have you read any of the crossover children’s fiction such as J K Rowling (Harry Potter) and Philip Pullman (His Dark Materials)?
Yes.
Who is your style icon?
Two: Audrey Hepburn and Katherine Hepburn. I like the American way of dressing. Very clean and simple.
What is your favourite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?
With my books. If I have a partner, it’ll be hanging out watching movies.
What is your preferred movie-viewing snack food?
Popcorn with salt
How do you write? Straight to computer or sketched ideas with pen and paper?
Sketched ideas. Then write on paper. Then pc.
What is your favourite film?
All the Indiana Jones; Welcome Back Mr McDonald, The English Patient
Can photography be described as art?
Yes.
Have you enrol in a swimming class yet?
Nope. Shy la to wear swim suit. I go for classes in MY HEAD.
What will you be doing at 6:45pm on May 19th?
Packing up to go home, makan, baca and sleep. I told you my life is boring.
What is the weirdest medical condition or physical attribute you have?
I have endometriosis. Which is why I have to be careful for my well-being.
Name something you enjoy that you are not particularly proud of
Hmmm. I wouldn’t know. Hey, I do. I’m not telling you!
Do you have tattoos or piercings?
My ears are pierced.
What' s your favorite smell?
Vanilla. Esp my fave perfume, Angel. Oh oh, yes, another one. But that I can’t tell you! Ha ha!
What is your motto?
Seize the day! ‘Carpe diem!’
Who are your favorite characters in history?
None.
What historical figures do you most despise?
None.
In what country would you like to live?
I would like to live in either Paris, the South of France or the Muslim quarter in Spain. Right now Ubud.
What is your favorite flower?
Haleconias. When we lived in our former home, the garden was blooming with them. I always had this morbid wish that my grave would be surrounded by them.
Who would you have liked to be?
I have always wanted to try being the Most Sexy and Popular Girl, for a day. Nak tengok apa yang syoknya tu.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Poverty.
Would you pose nude for £50,000 (this is not an offer!)?
Only if the painting or photo is burned afterwards!
What' s your favorite fruit?
Mango
Name a sport that really sucks
Netball. In TKC they were crazy for netball. I hated it.
Are you romantically involved with someone at the moment?
No. But I do like someone :) But like all my love affairs, it will never happen.
Wah! Looks like her brain can't stop talking to me. I think I'm exhausted from asking too many questions. And hmm... nothing really juicy or scandalous I could use to sell to the Daily Mirror.*whispering* You know what? I think she's got the hot for that grey haired man. Can you imagine him wearing kain pelikat? And burn that nude photo? Hell no!
Thursday, 5 May 2005
EDITING.... by dz
Last week there were a few revelations, which made me think and do what I had to do the last few days.
I was talking to Peanut about this; we are going on similar yet very different journeys. One of the things we do is edit. Edit our lives. From friendships that no longer benefit us spiritually, emotionally to foods that were bad for us, we ran through a list.
This is life, no?
Editing anything out of your life, especially friends and relatives, can be a painful process. We are all not heartless people, but there are personalities that drain you. And you wonder why, after each encounter you have with them, you are friends.
And so it goes.
I started with my wardrobe. In my past life, I went to many functions and dinners. In this life I have now, I don't. A number of dresses and evening gowns stand forlornly in the cupboard, gathering dust. I have given many away, and there are a few more.
The Dress still stays. Until I wear it once, it will wait in the cupboard. The rest? They do not fit into my life now, and I do not see them fitting into the future.
Now I am wondering how to do this: to get out of an enterprise. Mind you, this is not about ending a friendship, but moving on from a dead end project that I got dragged into this year. I have told the team that I had no passion for it, I didn't want to be part of it, but they begged to differ.
Honeytar opened my eyes last night. "Your laptop being stolen was one way of you detaching yourself from him. That was the final gift from him. Now you are free."
She was right, but I still fret as I have many photos and work in the laptop. Whoever has it, may he or she poo tankers.
I have friends that can be curt about editing. I am in awe of their boldness and hurt by their callousness. But, as we all know, this is life. You just pick yourself up and move on.
Editing requires strength. Physical in the sense that you have to move to take action. When I gave away a dress my arms hurt because the dress had so many memories, but I gave it away.
Emotional because you think, what if you still want to be in touch with the person? So you call your good friends like Sof, and then you realise, it was never meant to be. Mental because you have to be focussed, and it's easy to not be, you know! You delude yourself into thinking that one day all these will be artefacts that the Smithsonian will want upon your death and that your gossip magazines will be studied by 25th century academics.
It is May.
Four months of the year have passed, and so many things have happened. I wonder what will happen today and tomorrow, but I do know that I will be editing more parts of my life that may have served me well years ago, but have no place now.
I was talking to Peanut about this; we are going on similar yet very different journeys. One of the things we do is edit. Edit our lives. From friendships that no longer benefit us spiritually, emotionally to foods that were bad for us, we ran through a list.
This is life, no?
Editing anything out of your life, especially friends and relatives, can be a painful process. We are all not heartless people, but there are personalities that drain you. And you wonder why, after each encounter you have with them, you are friends.
And so it goes.
I started with my wardrobe. In my past life, I went to many functions and dinners. In this life I have now, I don't. A number of dresses and evening gowns stand forlornly in the cupboard, gathering dust. I have given many away, and there are a few more.
The Dress still stays. Until I wear it once, it will wait in the cupboard. The rest? They do not fit into my life now, and I do not see them fitting into the future.
Now I am wondering how to do this: to get out of an enterprise. Mind you, this is not about ending a friendship, but moving on from a dead end project that I got dragged into this year. I have told the team that I had no passion for it, I didn't want to be part of it, but they begged to differ.
Honeytar opened my eyes last night. "Your laptop being stolen was one way of you detaching yourself from him. That was the final gift from him. Now you are free."
She was right, but I still fret as I have many photos and work in the laptop. Whoever has it, may he or she poo tankers.
I have friends that can be curt about editing. I am in awe of their boldness and hurt by their callousness. But, as we all know, this is life. You just pick yourself up and move on.
Editing requires strength. Physical in the sense that you have to move to take action. When I gave away a dress my arms hurt because the dress had so many memories, but I gave it away.
Emotional because you think, what if you still want to be in touch with the person? So you call your good friends like Sof, and then you realise, it was never meant to be. Mental because you have to be focussed, and it's easy to not be, you know! You delude yourself into thinking that one day all these will be artefacts that the Smithsonian will want upon your death and that your gossip magazines will be studied by 25th century academics.
It is May.
Four months of the year have passed, and so many things have happened. I wonder what will happen today and tomorrow, but I do know that I will be editing more parts of my life that may have served me well years ago, but have no place now.
Thursday, 21 April 2005
Hey ladies, listen to madame dz...
the Malay Men saga continues. Depa kena lagi.
Funny but after that post, my girlfriends called me to say how much they detested Malay men. They were fed up with Malay men.
Ina called me later this evening to rant and rail. See, Ins is still on good terms with her Mat Salleh ex. They exchange sms's and emails. Even though they flirt a bit they know it's just friendship now.
She asked me the USD1,000,000 question:"Dins. Kenapa kan dengan laki Melayu ni banyak songel? Kita sms to say hello, dia ingat kita ni gatal. Cannot say hello ke?"
Then:
"You ever had this Dins? You meet a guy. You like each other. Satu hari 10-20 emails. Sms macam kelemumur. Then ah, tetiba, he's busy. One moment he's pursuing you, the next he's cold. What is this la wey? I am 37, I cannot play games la Dins. You ever had this?"
"Of course I had that. Don't ask me. As far as I am concerned I hope that twit is crapping bricks. Bukan main dulu, puji kita sampai syurga. Suddenly now always so busy. All Malay men must die!" I said.
"You know. I just got to know the guy. We both like each other. TAPI... why ah when sms him it takes him 3 hours to reply? In Europe that's considered rude."Sharina, that's why Malay men live in Malaysia. They wouldn't last in Europe."
"You macam mana? Dah ada bf dah?"
"I ok je. Duk SS kat Anderson Cooper ni. We're making babies right now."
Malay men always get angry when we tell them they're basketcases. But their so-called nilai-nilai Melayu murni stop short when they get the girl, so to speak. I think all of them need to go for Romance 101 and Diplomacy 500 courses.
I could go on bashing men but I don't intend to. But here's a survival guide for all single women that like a certain someone out there:
He may claim he's crazy about you but actions speak louder than words. So ignore the talk and see the walk. If he hasn't dumped the hussy or crossed three oceans to be with you, he ain't into you.
In the beginning of a romance, the first month is always lovey dovey. He misses you la, rindu you la, taik kucing you la.
MUCH as you want to believe it, DON'T BELIEVE THAT CRAP. MEN WILL SAY ANYTHING TO GET YOU TO BLOW HIM IN THE FIRST MONTH.
You want to know if the guy really likes you? Get yourself into a crisis. If the guy doesn't come to your rescue, despite him claiming he's mad about you, forget the turd.
If he really likes you, he'll drop everything for you. He can be a momma's boy, he can be a transvestite, he can be married or gay, but if he really likes you, he'll be at your doorstep.And etc.
How does one move on?
Easy. So long you ain't married to him, I figure you go your way or find someone else. Men are just numbers.
What, how can you say that Dins?
Hello, you men replace us like how you drop turds in an hour, so why the hell can't we women be shallow? Baby, you're just a number.
No man is worth the pain. If you think your heart is going to be broken, get out NOW. You do the heart-breaking.
Apa dah, I love him, I know he loves me wah wah bla bla, this is the 21st century. Apa you takut sangat? With the Internet, you can find someone in a second somewhere in Poland. Or Papua New Guinea.(Good no? Jauh-jauh)
Lastly, darling women. You can be fat, ugly, pimpled etc, but remember this:
You are a Goddess. Take a good look around you. There are one or two not so attractive people out there, in love and having happy relationships.
NOW DON'T CRY AND TELL ME THIS: DINS, HOW COME AH, THAT GIRL, SO UGLY BUT GOT BOYFRIEND MEH...
Think yourself lucky. She could have settled, and no woman or man should just settle.If you feel really low, do this then.
In the room or toilet:
Make monkey facesTell yourself 'I am the greatest! I am the best!'
Grab your tits and go Woooooooooaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh I'm bustin'
And no matter how bad you feel, and I've been there baby, I've been there, remember: you're fabulous.
So, there you go womenfolk. Hope you quench your thirst for dz's positive writing to uplift your spirits. We sisters stand together.
Funny but after that post, my girlfriends called me to say how much they detested Malay men. They were fed up with Malay men.
Ina called me later this evening to rant and rail. See, Ins is still on good terms with her Mat Salleh ex. They exchange sms's and emails. Even though they flirt a bit they know it's just friendship now.
She asked me the USD1,000,000 question:"Dins. Kenapa kan dengan laki Melayu ni banyak songel? Kita sms to say hello, dia ingat kita ni gatal. Cannot say hello ke?"
Then:
"You ever had this Dins? You meet a guy. You like each other. Satu hari 10-20 emails. Sms macam kelemumur. Then ah, tetiba, he's busy. One moment he's pursuing you, the next he's cold. What is this la wey? I am 37, I cannot play games la Dins. You ever had this?"
"Of course I had that. Don't ask me. As far as I am concerned I hope that twit is crapping bricks. Bukan main dulu, puji kita sampai syurga. Suddenly now always so busy. All Malay men must die!" I said.
"You know. I just got to know the guy. We both like each other. TAPI... why ah when sms him it takes him 3 hours to reply? In Europe that's considered rude."Sharina, that's why Malay men live in Malaysia. They wouldn't last in Europe."
"You macam mana? Dah ada bf dah?"
"I ok je. Duk SS kat Anderson Cooper ni. We're making babies right now."
Malay men always get angry when we tell them they're basketcases. But their so-called nilai-nilai Melayu murni stop short when they get the girl, so to speak. I think all of them need to go for Romance 101 and Diplomacy 500 courses.
I could go on bashing men but I don't intend to. But here's a survival guide for all single women that like a certain someone out there:
He may claim he's crazy about you but actions speak louder than words. So ignore the talk and see the walk. If he hasn't dumped the hussy or crossed three oceans to be with you, he ain't into you.
In the beginning of a romance, the first month is always lovey dovey. He misses you la, rindu you la, taik kucing you la.
MUCH as you want to believe it, DON'T BELIEVE THAT CRAP. MEN WILL SAY ANYTHING TO GET YOU TO BLOW HIM IN THE FIRST MONTH.
You want to know if the guy really likes you? Get yourself into a crisis. If the guy doesn't come to your rescue, despite him claiming he's mad about you, forget the turd.
If he really likes you, he'll drop everything for you. He can be a momma's boy, he can be a transvestite, he can be married or gay, but if he really likes you, he'll be at your doorstep.And etc.
How does one move on?
Easy. So long you ain't married to him, I figure you go your way or find someone else. Men are just numbers.
What, how can you say that Dins?
Hello, you men replace us like how you drop turds in an hour, so why the hell can't we women be shallow? Baby, you're just a number.
No man is worth the pain. If you think your heart is going to be broken, get out NOW. You do the heart-breaking.
Apa dah, I love him, I know he loves me wah wah bla bla, this is the 21st century. Apa you takut sangat? With the Internet, you can find someone in a second somewhere in Poland. Or Papua New Guinea.(Good no? Jauh-jauh)
Lastly, darling women. You can be fat, ugly, pimpled etc, but remember this:
You are a Goddess. Take a good look around you. There are one or two not so attractive people out there, in love and having happy relationships.
NOW DON'T CRY AND TELL ME THIS: DINS, HOW COME AH, THAT GIRL, SO UGLY BUT GOT BOYFRIEND MEH...
Think yourself lucky. She could have settled, and no woman or man should just settle.If you feel really low, do this then.
In the room or toilet:
Make monkey facesTell yourself 'I am the greatest! I am the best!'
Grab your tits and go Woooooooooaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh I'm bustin'
And no matter how bad you feel, and I've been there baby, I've been there, remember: you're fabulous.
So, there you go womenfolk. Hope you quench your thirst for dz's positive writing to uplift your spirits. We sisters stand together.
Wednesday, 20 April 2005
Men are from Mars
Quote of the day: How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Before you get mad at me, let me just say that I like men. What's not to like, right? I'm no man-eater nor man-hater.
Men are like... placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like... parking spaces.
All the good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
Men are like... bike helmets.
Handy in emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like... photocopiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like... lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like... bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like... high heels.
They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like... mini skirts.
If you are not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like... bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Before you get mad at me, let me just say that I like men. What's not to like, right? I'm no man-eater nor man-hater.
Men are like... placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like... parking spaces.
All the good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
Men are like... bike helmets.
Handy in emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like... photocopiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like... lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like... bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like... high heels.
They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like... mini skirts.
If you are not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like... bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Tuesday, 19 April 2005
Malay men, in love and relationship
I was chatting with a writer friend while she was writing a masterpiece (which I will post in the 2nd installment), and when it finally arrived in my mailbox, I found myself in agreement with her. What is it about Malay men that are so hopeless... in love and relationship?
I tell you, only a handful of women are lucky to find love with Malay men. The rest of the women population is still looking for men who will treat us in a gentlemanlike manner and at the same time accept us the way we are. If we speak our minds out or have personality and intelligence, don't expect us to change and pretend dumb after marriage. You know, wysiwyg. Accept these characters in us, not running away.
So anyway, with her permission I would like to share the first of two posts because I just couldn't keep them to myself. For lack of better words on my part, I had to post the original version in her own words as I am not good at writing and couldn't come out with better twists and drama.
And I think, you'd be happy to read her posts, after her blogs vanished so fast, which left us feeling void for some times.
Yesterday was a religious day for me. I went for an Aqidah class with Peanut and in the afternoon, my parents hosted another usrah. If I had another class yesterday, I'd be qualified to be a pope, that's how much religion I had yesterday.
But my posting today is not about how I have become an angel. Or the fact that I won a gym membership (yay yay!). It is about my future life with a man.Those that know my family will know that the women in my family are lively. They are also blessed with Malay male spouses that are supportive, but they are at their wits' end when it comes to their daughters' spouses.
After the usrah all the ladies dragged me to Nora's room to lecture me on men and dating.
"You have to date Dato Azmi Khalid."
"Kan dia tu nikoh si Normala Shamsuddin nu?""How old is he Cik Nor?" I asked.
"63."
"Hahahahha, Mummy! Cik Nor nok Dina nikoh orang tua."
"Apa pulak tua? He's very handsome. Now kan ada Viagra."
"He's Bah's AGE. Yucks."
Then Cik Jee spoke out loud:
"Chor (my mum's nickname). You can't allow Dina to marry a Malay man. She is not for them."
What a pandemonium in the room!
I sat there and twiddled my hair. I make a good bimbo you know.
Ever since I became single, there seems to be no end to this matchmaking thing. I went to one and the guy told my friend he was a boobs man. Meaning, Dina didn't have big enough tits for him. WTF?
Two weeks ago, I was told by my male friends (5 actually) that I was scary to men, and that I didn't have the looks Malay men wanted.
I kept quiet because I was curious. All my girlfriends are like me and have decent marriages, so why was I the exception? I'm not that clever, I have 32A tits (though I lie to myself in the mirror and pretend my tits are 34B) and when I put on my Clarins Beauty Flash Balm I look decent enough not to frighten my nephew.
On Saturday, this guy I kinda dated earlier this year called up - we are now very good friends - and he told me,"Good thing you dumped me because we would not have worked out."
"Why is that?"
"I would not have been able to contain you."
I sat in the car and wondered. Dia ni nak letak I dalam tin Milo ke? Dia ni ingat I ni spring ke? Saya bukan rama-rama, saya manusia. Kadang-kadang saya ni monyet.
When I asked Bah-Bah this he said:Bloody fool wanted a maid. He does not deserve you Princess.
Oh.
When I look at my single friends like Ins, Ija, HoneyTar and co, I really wonder why Malay men are scared of them. Yes, they're independent. Yes, they make their own money. A lot of Malay men marry these women.
Maybe they're scared. Because these women have personalities. It's not a matter of having a mind of their own. Most Malay women have their own minds. But having personalities is something Malay men can't grasp.
This morning I showed Bah-Bah a picture of Anderson Cooper (CNN Anchor) who's in Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List for 2005.
"Bah-bah, Dina nok gini."
"Eesh."
"He's clever, tall, handsome and lives in New York. I think we'll make a beautiful couple."
"Mula doh dia ni... you and your angan-angan."
"ABAH! Listen. You have to face the facts: I may end up with someone out of our race or faith. You heard the aunties. And you know it too. How many men are like you?"
"You will marry a Malay-Muslim. No black Muslim. Mat Salleh Muslim."
"How about I make a deal with you? How about celup-Muslim?"
"Are you seeing anyone?"
"No. But just in case la."
"Are all Malay men that bad?"
"No, but for women like me, yes."
"Hmmph. As long as he's fair, tall and handsome.Nothing like your ex."
Opening this to the court...
Coming soon, 2nd part
I tell you, only a handful of women are lucky to find love with Malay men. The rest of the women population is still looking for men who will treat us in a gentlemanlike manner and at the same time accept us the way we are. If we speak our minds out or have personality and intelligence, don't expect us to change and pretend dumb after marriage. You know, wysiwyg. Accept these characters in us, not running away.
So anyway, with her permission I would like to share the first of two posts because I just couldn't keep them to myself. For lack of better words on my part, I had to post the original version in her own words as I am not good at writing and couldn't come out with better twists and drama.
And I think, you'd be happy to read her posts, after her blogs vanished so fast, which left us feeling void for some times.
Yesterday was a religious day for me. I went for an Aqidah class with Peanut and in the afternoon, my parents hosted another usrah. If I had another class yesterday, I'd be qualified to be a pope, that's how much religion I had yesterday.
But my posting today is not about how I have become an angel. Or the fact that I won a gym membership (yay yay!). It is about my future life with a man.Those that know my family will know that the women in my family are lively. They are also blessed with Malay male spouses that are supportive, but they are at their wits' end when it comes to their daughters' spouses.
After the usrah all the ladies dragged me to Nora's room to lecture me on men and dating.
"You have to date Dato Azmi Khalid."
"Kan dia tu nikoh si Normala Shamsuddin nu?""How old is he Cik Nor?" I asked.
"63."
"Hahahahha, Mummy! Cik Nor nok Dina nikoh orang tua."
"Apa pulak tua? He's very handsome. Now kan ada Viagra."
"He's Bah's AGE. Yucks."
Then Cik Jee spoke out loud:
"Chor (my mum's nickname). You can't allow Dina to marry a Malay man. She is not for them."
What a pandemonium in the room!
I sat there and twiddled my hair. I make a good bimbo you know.
Ever since I became single, there seems to be no end to this matchmaking thing. I went to one and the guy told my friend he was a boobs man. Meaning, Dina didn't have big enough tits for him. WTF?
Two weeks ago, I was told by my male friends (5 actually) that I was scary to men, and that I didn't have the looks Malay men wanted.
I kept quiet because I was curious. All my girlfriends are like me and have decent marriages, so why was I the exception? I'm not that clever, I have 32A tits (though I lie to myself in the mirror and pretend my tits are 34B) and when I put on my Clarins Beauty Flash Balm I look decent enough not to frighten my nephew.
On Saturday, this guy I kinda dated earlier this year called up - we are now very good friends - and he told me,"Good thing you dumped me because we would not have worked out."
"Why is that?"
"I would not have been able to contain you."
I sat in the car and wondered. Dia ni nak letak I dalam tin Milo ke? Dia ni ingat I ni spring ke? Saya bukan rama-rama, saya manusia. Kadang-kadang saya ni monyet.
When I asked Bah-Bah this he said:Bloody fool wanted a maid. He does not deserve you Princess.
Oh.
When I look at my single friends like Ins, Ija, HoneyTar and co, I really wonder why Malay men are scared of them. Yes, they're independent. Yes, they make their own money. A lot of Malay men marry these women.
Maybe they're scared. Because these women have personalities. It's not a matter of having a mind of their own. Most Malay women have their own minds. But having personalities is something Malay men can't grasp.
This morning I showed Bah-Bah a picture of Anderson Cooper (CNN Anchor) who's in Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List for 2005.
"Bah-bah, Dina nok gini."
"Eesh."
"He's clever, tall, handsome and lives in New York. I think we'll make a beautiful couple."
"Mula doh dia ni... you and your angan-angan."
"ABAH! Listen. You have to face the facts: I may end up with someone out of our race or faith. You heard the aunties. And you know it too. How many men are like you?"
"You will marry a Malay-Muslim. No black Muslim. Mat Salleh Muslim."
"How about I make a deal with you? How about celup-Muslim?"
"Are you seeing anyone?"
"No. But just in case la."
"Are all Malay men that bad?"
"No, but for women like me, yes."
"Hmmph. As long as he's fair, tall and handsome.Nothing like your ex."
Opening this to the court...
Coming soon, 2nd part
Friday, 15 April 2005
Kasihani lah hamba ini...
To whom it may concern,
Please snail mail VCD Sepet to my current address:
XX XXXX Road,
XXXXXXXXX XXXXX
XXX XXX London
United Kingdom.
*hint to those yang baik hati dan sudi mengepos dari Malaysia or Singapore.(rafthah, ps, ju, cruella, stellar, poncho(rtd), dade, aces, ray and Malim, leez, sooz etc etc) Tu dia aih, kalau boleh semua nama nak display kat sini.. ni muka tak malu menadah tangan mintak simpati pembaca blog.. heheh
Thank you very much.
Please snail mail VCD Sepet to my current address:
XX XXXX Road,
XXXXXXXXX XXXXX
XXX XXX London
United Kingdom.
*hint to those yang baik hati dan sudi mengepos dari Malaysia or Singapore.(rafthah, ps, ju, cruella, stellar, poncho(rtd), dade, aces, ray and Malim, leez, sooz etc etc) Tu dia aih, kalau boleh semua nama nak display kat sini.. ni muka tak malu menadah tangan mintak simpati pembaca blog.. heheh
Thank you very much.
Saturday, 9 April 2005
of marriage and determination
This week passed by so quickly that I hardly had time to blog. First, there was Aci to be entertained. Second, I'm down with cold and lastly, I am busy packing up stuffs. Tonight is my last night at this apt. It will be awhile before I can blog because I won't have an internet connection at the new place just yet.
On Wed night, I took Aci to meet The Mentor over dinner. Everything went perfectly well until they ganged up on me and started to talk about marriage. Sigh. And every time I changed the subject, they managed to swing back to the boring topic. Aci thought I don't want Aki because he's not good looking. Oh puhleeze! Give me some credit. Look is not everything. It's not that I don't want to get married, I'm simply not ready. Can't anyone understand that?
At the moment, my priorities are slightly different from typical women my age. They want husbands, I want freedom. They want kids, I want travel experience. They want to settle down, I want to globe-trotting. Stop telling me like I don't know what I want. Who knows maybe in the next six months I may change my mind. Of course I didn't say all that to them, I just smiled and mumbled something and sheepishly grinned again. The Mentor got my message, and told Aci that's what I normally did if I didn't really hear what was being discussed.
All the advice given to me are good ones, yet I may need some time before I make a move. I am a determined person and in this respect, Aci and I are very much alike. When we want something, we will work towards it. I guess that's why somehow she understood me eventhough we are not that close as sisters. The only thing that worry her is that, because our parents had passed away, she feels responsible for my wellbeing as she is the head of the family. She worries for me and for that I am grateful. I love you, Aci.
On Wed night, I took Aci to meet The Mentor over dinner. Everything went perfectly well until they ganged up on me and started to talk about marriage. Sigh. And every time I changed the subject, they managed to swing back to the boring topic. Aci thought I don't want Aki because he's not good looking. Oh puhleeze! Give me some credit. Look is not everything. It's not that I don't want to get married, I'm simply not ready. Can't anyone understand that?
At the moment, my priorities are slightly different from typical women my age. They want husbands, I want freedom. They want kids, I want travel experience. They want to settle down, I want to globe-trotting. Stop telling me like I don't know what I want. Who knows maybe in the next six months I may change my mind. Of course I didn't say all that to them, I just smiled and mumbled something and sheepishly grinned again. The Mentor got my message, and told Aci that's what I normally did if I didn't really hear what was being discussed.
All the advice given to me are good ones, yet I may need some time before I make a move. I am a determined person and in this respect, Aci and I are very much alike. When we want something, we will work towards it. I guess that's why somehow she understood me eventhough we are not that close as sisters. The only thing that worry her is that, because our parents had passed away, she feels responsible for my wellbeing as she is the head of the family. She worries for me and for that I am grateful. I love you, Aci.
spye
I'm doing a dina zaman, with the eyes in the profile. Not so original, eh? Hmm.. I'd like to have dreamy eyes, but I love my big eyes anyway. Maybe because through them, I can see what's happening at the rim of the world.
Wednesday, 6 April 2005
Listen! It is a national disease.
So, almost everyone is proud of Siti Nurhaliza or so it seems. Great performance, but that is not the main topic for today. Today's entry is about Malaysians, especially the Malays and punctuality.
Let's take the RAH concert for example. Undoubtedly, everyone involved was on a tight schedule, but for a concert this big, time management is the one of the priorities. If it was 5 or 10 minutes late, people will not make such fuss.
Yet, when it was almost half an hour later, that was considered a poor management. I know we have all sorts of protocols to observe, so we had to wait for the Sultan to mingle around and then be seated first. Kalau dah pukul 7pm pun dok kat luar lagi jumpa Datuk ini, salam Datuk itu, macam mana nak start on time? Next time, get all these VIPs to come, say one hour earlier, so they can do their celebrity pose and be seated 5 minutes before the scheduled show begins. Kalau lambat jugak, employ me as the timekeeper and I'd shoot their toes to get them going.
On many occasions, Malaysians tend to waste precious time before a business meeting catching up with friends and colleagues. There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, while we are waiting for a chairperson or VIPs to arrive, that's the only time we have to meet other people. However, most of the time, these people dah la datang lambat, lepas tu nak sembang sembang dulu. Salam orang sana sini and by the time meeting nak start dah rugi setengah jam.
A friend in EX mentioned that her supervisor dah faham sangat with perangai budak-budak Malaysia. Tak ada yang tidak lambat, malah semuanya lambat lambat belaka. Sometimes, I feel sad because that is the image that we portray to the world. Is that what we call profesionalism?Why can't we be punctual? How many times were you waiting for friends at the mall, for them to turn up one hour later?
Is it the tidak-apa attitude that shape our mentality? It has become a norm for Malaysians to be late in almost everything. Where does it all go wrong? Was it our education system? or was it our upbringing? When I first went back to Malaysia, I was so determined to work in an ethical way and be punctual. It all went the way I wanted in the first year, but gradually I got infected with this cultural disease. In fact, I think punctuality is a national disease. I felt bad, because I knew that wasn't the real me but because the society accepted the behavior, I soothed myself with that excuse. Even then, I was still one of the people who will arrive early at a meeting or gathering. These days, at least I'm back on a normal turf.
So, how do we change the behavior?Maybe it all should start with our leaders. The PM should always be on time and show this example to his Mentris and the Mentris should do the same to their SUKs. Thus, it become a chain reaction that would probably yield a very positive result. Forget the tete-e-tete, and go straight to work. You can have it after the meeting or over lunch. Or else, come earlier.
If you're your own boss or a manager somewhere, then start within yourself and teach your mind to be punctual. Over time, people will understand your work ethics and they may follow. Remember, small steps make a big difference.
Let's take the RAH concert for example. Undoubtedly, everyone involved was on a tight schedule, but for a concert this big, time management is the one of the priorities. If it was 5 or 10 minutes late, people will not make such fuss.
Yet, when it was almost half an hour later, that was considered a poor management. I know we have all sorts of protocols to observe, so we had to wait for the Sultan to mingle around and then be seated first. Kalau dah pukul 7pm pun dok kat luar lagi jumpa Datuk ini, salam Datuk itu, macam mana nak start on time? Next time, get all these VIPs to come, say one hour earlier, so they can do their celebrity pose and be seated 5 minutes before the scheduled show begins. Kalau lambat jugak, employ me as the timekeeper and I'd shoot their toes to get them going.
On many occasions, Malaysians tend to waste precious time before a business meeting catching up with friends and colleagues. There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, while we are waiting for a chairperson or VIPs to arrive, that's the only time we have to meet other people. However, most of the time, these people dah la datang lambat, lepas tu nak sembang sembang dulu. Salam orang sana sini and by the time meeting nak start dah rugi setengah jam.
A friend in EX mentioned that her supervisor dah faham sangat with perangai budak-budak Malaysia. Tak ada yang tidak lambat, malah semuanya lambat lambat belaka. Sometimes, I feel sad because that is the image that we portray to the world. Is that what we call profesionalism?Why can't we be punctual? How many times were you waiting for friends at the mall, for them to turn up one hour later?
Is it the tidak-apa attitude that shape our mentality? It has become a norm for Malaysians to be late in almost everything. Where does it all go wrong? Was it our education system? or was it our upbringing? When I first went back to Malaysia, I was so determined to work in an ethical way and be punctual. It all went the way I wanted in the first year, but gradually I got infected with this cultural disease. In fact, I think punctuality is a national disease. I felt bad, because I knew that wasn't the real me but because the society accepted the behavior, I soothed myself with that excuse. Even then, I was still one of the people who will arrive early at a meeting or gathering. These days, at least I'm back on a normal turf.
So, how do we change the behavior?Maybe it all should start with our leaders. The PM should always be on time and show this example to his Mentris and the Mentris should do the same to their SUKs. Thus, it become a chain reaction that would probably yield a very positive result. Forget the tete-e-tete, and go straight to work. You can have it after the meeting or over lunch. Or else, come earlier.
If you're your own boss or a manager somewhere, then start within yourself and teach your mind to be punctual. Over time, people will understand your work ethics and they may follow. Remember, small steps make a big difference.
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