Another beginning

I guess it's not too late to say Happy New Year. I've been quite busy since coming back. Finding new flat, moving stuffs and being depressed.

Yes friends. It's quite worrying to start a new year like this. Dina says the first few days will set the tone for the rest of the year. Or something like that. If, somehow, this is true, then I will have a tough time.

I told some people that my new year was ok, but I lied. It was horrible. If I could turn back time, all I want is to be at homeground to start the year. I was alone bunking at a friend's place because everyone went back for holiday. There I was, tired on the new year's eve, sleeping throughout the night without a care for the world. How pathetic!

It was very quiet the next day and towns were almost deserted. Only lone ranger like me walking up and down the streets. Running to catch buses and trains for appointments to view flats.

I think I'll always have bad luck. Every year it seems that I'm living in a dump. 2 years ago, I moved out because my van window got smashed and things stolen. It wasn't safe. Moved in with friends but they got money problem that forced us to move. The latest blow is when the landlord kicked me and the rest out after the council found out about him renting out the flat. I had enough of this bullshit. I dunno what I'm feeling now.

Honestly, I want to live a quiet life and feel settled. Sometimes I wonder (especially now that I haven't got much work to do) when will my life be completed?

I don't ask for much. Really. Just a circle of good friends, someone to care for and a decent lifestyle. I don't want to get filthy rich, just enough to see me through. Is that too much to ask? Is God listening?

I feel that I deserved a good cry. Over everything. Things happen at home and I'm not included in the process. I'm left way behind. I'm gonna miss a lot of things just because I'm here. The last few days, I've been having weird feeling. I sense that something bad is going to happen. My heart goes duuub daaab.. duub daabb. It's scary. Tak sedap hati. But I dunno what.

Please, grant me some strength.


Your humble servant
-Ewok-