dearest

I sincerely hope that you are well and truly happy. I know you are such a vibrant, caring and positive person who loves your life. However I cannot say the same for myself.

I don’t know who I was anymore. You told me that you want me to find someone single and be happy. I don't have the yearning to find that person. You tell me now, what is the point of all that when I lost my anchor? I lost direction when you told me you don’t want me anymore. But still, I kept searching for your astonishingly beautiful eyes, your soft hands and your soothing voice so that you can guide me back to where I belong and get back all that I have lost. I still want the same.

You know me better than I know myself, so how can one let one’s soul mate getting lost without direction? I don’t know what happiness is anymore. I don’t laugh, I don’t joke and I don’t enjoy life like I did with you. You took away everything with you when you left me broken. I miss you terribly. I never stopped thinking about you every day, but knowing that you don’t want me and that you have someone new hurt even more. It was as if it just happened yesterday.

I still have the same intensity of feelings when I looked at you. You are the most attractive woman and surprisingly my body started shaking when I look at your photo. Silly me, I thought time will help. It might have helped you but it didn’t do one bit for me. I know. You don’t want to hear all these.

I was angry at you for giving up on me, for giving up on us. You’re my rock and you’re supposed to believe in me. But deep down I know it’s not your fault. I had all I ever wanted but things were against me. Not a single day has passed without me blaming myself for my own stupidity. On contrary to what you think, I don't have the desire to bring you down or ruin your life. I would rather bleed for you than see you go through it.

So, you told me you're in love. I am happy for you. No, I lie. I am miserable and I don't think it's fair that I suffer. But then again, you know that I will always do everything for you. Well, remember the phrase 'no problem'? I can only hope she appreciates you more than I do.

I guess I will continue my journey alone. I hope that I will never experience heartbreak ever again because I don't think I'll survive next time. At least I have myself and that's for forever. Now all I want is to find solace so that I can carry on living.