Last night, two people couldn't sleep, so they hang out in the living room. One was so engrossed with her computer while the other was just staring into the empty space.
"You said you were lonely," the person broke the ice.
"I was," she said.
"But don't you think you made yourself feel that way? Why don't you go out? Join a class or something." The person was judging her.
"I was busy, but I was also lonely."
"You were busy then, but now you can do something. All I see was you sitting in front of the computer."
"You wouldn't understand. I kept myself busy with work but, sometimes, that didn't cure my loneliness. I found friends through my computer when you weren't around. Now that you're here, don't expect me to leave my computer and entertain you. You know, dance or swimming classes require commitment, something I don't have during this limited time I have left."
Both of them remained quiet. The person, then, retired to bed.
She couldn't - wouldn't- be pressured by people she hardly knew to make decision that involved her life. She knows she's lost. She's lazy, perhaps. But no one can tell her what to do, not until she's ready to push herself.
No, there was only one person she could completely trust and depend on, and that was herself. Even if others meant well, she has to learn from her own mistakes.
She realized that years ago when she'd known the pain of loss, the fear of desertion and failure.It's foolish to worry about it. This feeling. It appeals as much as it frightens. It tempted her to daydream, and she'd almost given up on fantasies.
Not yet.
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