Leave us alone

Being born as the eldest, one may say it is going to be an uphill task showing good examples and carrying more responsibility than the rest of the siblings. The parents' dreams to be fulfilled, the grandparents' expectations and the family legacy to carry forward. Some think that since the firstborn is normally expected to excel in everything they do, the other siblings feel less burden thus ensuring them to have some breathing space. And the youngest is said to have an easy and pampered life because the path has been cleared and expectations are slightly less than before.

It is true that a lot is expected from the firstborns. New parents will map out their first child's life with what they think is best for him or her. It starts with the best kindergarten, the branded clothings and the trust fund up to the prestigeous university and later to the post of an executive director or a medical specialist. This is the trend among the parents, and no matter how hard we deny this, it somehow reflects the Malaysian society too.

But that is not what I want to talk about, because I do not know how it feels to be the firstborn in the first place. However, I do know what it is like to be the youngest. A lot of people make generalization that usually the youngest sibling leads a spoilt life. In another word, a brat. It may be true, because sometimes I felt that I was allowed to run free in my younger years, though I do not see myself as a brat.

Most of the time, our parents would grant us a lot of things we asked for and on top of that, we have brothers and sisters who are looking after us and showering us with material goods as well. Firstborns normally have a lot of pressure from parents but when it comes to us, the youngest, most parents become more mellowed and lenient, thus giving us less pressure. Nevertheless, I do feel that if one has an older sibling who is great at everything, one will have greater burden and an uphill route to follow.

Everything one does will be compared to the eldest sibling's achievements. Who was better at SPM? Why didn't you get good result like your brother? Why can't you be a good son like your brother? Your sister went to the US, your brothers in Mesir and Japan, where are you going? Why can't you be pretty and sweet like your sister?

These typical questions drive us crazy. So we do what we know best. We protest. By flunking our exams, showing our tantrums, joining bad crowds and doing exactly the opposite way from what the eldest did. We can never be like our sisters or brothers. We may be slow and we may be different but we still carry the same responsibility and we are expected to deliver similar results. Yet, we are unique in our own way, so leave us be. Given time, space and understanding, we will turn to be the most beautiful butterfly and when we spread our wings, we will fly as high as others, sometimes even higher.