Life is hard. Nobody ever said that it’s a piece of cake. All the frustration, disappointment and later on the achievement and happiness make up a complete set of life cycle. You and I have been through a lot, no matter how old we are. A young girl of 18 experiences the kind of feelings just the same as a 45-year-old woman if loneliness has its way. Even a mature man can act like an adolescent if he kept his frustration boiling inside. There must be a way to deal with all these. That’s what we are here for. To find a way to get around it.
Running away, however, is not an option anymore.
There was a girl I once know very well. In her early life, she had love and guidance. Her mother died when she barely finished university. She only cried once when she helped bathe her mother and didn’t cry again when the coffin was taken to the mosque and her mother was buried next to the grandparents. Things were blur and distant. She never shed any tears at the airport when she left her family in pursue of better education.
She was lost. Angry. Hurt. Life was unfair. She turned rebellious and became comfortable with her loneliness. She kept on smiling, but deep down she had a darker side. Instead of dressing like the next-door girl, she put on black attires from head to toe. Black lipstick. Black nail polish. Black shades. Black eye shadow. She was being pulled into a cult obsession. Reading materials were of satanic society, black magic and superstitious being.
Six months later, she finally broke down and cried in her sleep when the vision of her mother came in her dream. Her mother was holding out her hands and reaching for the girl before the girl destroys herself completely. The girl wept endlessly on the bed. It was a very sad image, but somehow it brought her back to the ground.
Her solitude continued but in a different way. She found peace by going for walks at the lakes, holding a fishing rod and enjoying the nature. Being the youngest, she had her sister and brothers as role model but she felt the love and guidance slowly changing. In her mind, she was on her own struggling to move on while the rest of the family got on with their own life. She was not sure what to do with hers. Her father followed the path of her mother soon after and this time she was truly by herself. She kept well away from family gatherings because she didn’t feel she belongs anymore.
People saw her as a happy person, who probably has no fear at whatever being thrown at her. But in reality, she drifted from job to job, found no happiness and slowly going into the state of depression. She was scared. Along the way, there were real friends who stood by her and never got tired of giving encouragement. They believe in her.
She is slowly getting back on her feet although it is taking her 8 years to get there. From a distance, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the light won’t go off unless she pulls the switch. The bitter girl I once knew has slowly changed and become a new person with more positive vibes. It will take her a while to fully recover and reach her peak, but she is heading towards the right direction. And she wants me to let you know that she is still smiling and her darker side has shrunk, but not completely gone.
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