Yesterday, I was running around all over the country making a complete triangle from London to Newport to Bradford and back to London. All within 14 hours. When I got home, I just can't be bothered with the pillow pat 'cos I needed the sleep. By right, I should be tired and miserable, but truthfully I wasn't. I was happy to get out of my home office and cruise the motorway.
Since it was quite a long drive, I can't help but started to think about the good and bad memories. The good ones made me smile silly, but the bad ones made me think deeper. The Two-Faced Man came back haunting my mind even though this happened almost eight or nine years ago. The day I found out he was cheating on me. I guess I was to be blamed too for not noticing the lame excuses and broken promises. When he said he'd call and didn't, I rang him instead and forgot everything else when I heard his voice. He was sweet and caring and damned was I naive.
Long distance relationship sure didn't work for me. Once I turned my back, he found someone else. The thing that hurt most was he didn't have the decency to admit that he wanted out. Could have save us both the heartache. What was in his mind? Did he think he could have had both girls? Slimy bastard.
He made me wary of other men. I won't give my heart freely and have it stomped all over again. I don't even know whether I have a heart anymore. I feel numb. Every relationship I had these days is like a one night stand and I won't let it go further than that. Flirt and fling. That's my motto.
Maybe I'll find someone who will share my dreams, or maybe I won't. Sometimes, I don't care. That's the phase in my life I want to forget and weep I shall not.
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