Two months later...

It has been two months since that fateful day. Ever since I heard that story my brother told me, I was pumped. I walked a lot with my cane and did some physio for my hand. I tried to lift weighs even though my hand was weak. I got the weights that you can strap at the wrist from Decathlon.

I'm a lot better now. I don't need a cane anymore and my leg is almost 90% recovered. Last week I tried driving my car in the neighbourhood. Thank God for auto car! The best invention ever!

My hand still needs a lot of physio but I am hopeful it will be better soon.

There's so many things I want to do and places to go. Things I will regret if I don't do them. We only live once, and my illness makes me realise I will not have another chance in this lifetime. It's a risk worth taking, if it can make me happy. And that's my aim now.

of trauma and determination

When I was discharged from the hospital, I was on wheelchair because my right side was so weak I couldn't stand. And my beautiful long hair was a mess. I decided to cut it because who's gonna take care of it when I can't move my hand. I love my hair but then I was a vegetable.

The first few days at home was so traumatized. Everything I do I have to ask for help. I'm the kind of person who hate to ask for help unless I cannot do it myself. I hated myself and the situation! I cried buckets.

Then my brother told me a story about somebody he knew. This person also had a stroke but she was determined she wanted to get well. She exercised and did a lot of physiotherapy. Now, she is fully recovered.

The story gave me a new hope that I can get better. It inspires me to get up and do something. And my nephew encouraged me that I could try to walk 10 steps a day. I asked my sister to buy a cane and little by little I started walking with it. First, it was only in the house, but the few steps that I took were tiring. I was exhausted, but I kept going and pushed myself. I needed to do better than 10 steps!

I am determined and committed to get well, fast. I know I could do better.

Start with a Bang!

In 2016 I wanted to turn a new leaf, right? For the better? Yeah, right! It was okay, but guess what? 2017 is the worst for me. At the end of last year, on Christmas Day, I had stroke.

Say what? I know, I couldn't believe it myself. I'm still young to have one, I'm only 42. Life was supposed to begin at 40s. But I have no one to blame but myself. That day my blood pressure hit the sky and burst into tiny little meteors. And when they fallen to the ground, they left me half-paralysed. My right side lost its function. I couldn't walk or use my right hand.

There have been so many nights (and days) I cried myself to sleep. Every time someone came to visit, my waterworks burst. I was depressed and I couldn't accept it. I still don't. This wasn't supposed to happen to me! Lying on the hospital bed, I kept asking how it could happen to me. Why, why, why?

So, I begin my new year feeling scared, sad, angry, ashamed, and emotional. What's in store for me next? I don't know and to be honest, I'm actually terrified of the future.