Wednesday 27 September 2006

A Little Observation

Let's see, I've been staying in central London for slightly more than 2 months.

I can't deny that everything is just around the corner. The cinema is just 20 minutes away (during peak times, walking will get you there faster than taking a bus). I can get to the park even before you finish saying jump. Hehe, just kidding. It's still very close by.

For groceries, Sainsbury's, M&S and Tesco is less than 5 minutes walk. For Malaysian foods, it's just 30 seconds away :) What more do I want, right?

When I moved here, I thought it is just a temporary measure because I was desperate to find a shelter. But after having a little discussion with my other half (not my man duh), I might decide to stay here longer. It's all due to it's great location.

The people who lived here, however, are much to be desired.

Let me tell you about one Malay boy. I don't know his name but he works at one of the Malaysian restaurants in London. He has piercings at the end of one of his eyebrows. Also, he's got his tongue pierced.

I have nothing against people who have face accessories, if I may call it. I even thought of getting my eyebrow pierced when I was a rebel (with a cause, of course), but decided against it after I chickened out. Well, I'm not going to talk about his interests in body piercing. What I want to say is I find it really sad when I heard him talking.

He's trying so hard to blend in with the matsalehs that he forgotten one basic rule. Never forget your manner. He is the most kurang ajar boy I ever met here. I can't believe my ears when I heard him swears at The Black Widow. He hurls the word 'babi' and swear words easily, not caring that she's older than him. In front of The Old Pervert, tunjuk baik benar and pijak semut pun tak mati, but behind him, he calls him names. Sedih I tengok budak ni. But salah siapa? The parents for not teaching him well, or him?

Then there's The Old Pervert. His daughters are all grown up and the wife is quite pretty, but he is still looking for a second wife. His reason is that he wants a son. I don't quite understand these kind of people. There must be a reason why God didn't give them sons. He may want them to jaga and teach their daughters well instead.

My informer told me that The Old Pervert has asked her to marry him, but before that he wanted to have sex with her. You know, like the kind of things you buy at shop, try before you buy. Ada ke? What kind of short twisted mentality is that? Orang tua gatal.

Another guy, let's call him The Chef, is also pursuing The Black Widow, but he's more subtle than The Old Pervert. He uses kind words and romances to bring her fences down. He gives her flowers and cooks special dishes for her. To her, he was just a friend and kekadang she rimas with his advances but he never got the hint. I saw the text to her saying that one day they'll be together.

Someone warned The Chef's wife about him coming home late and put the blame to The Black Widow. They have assumed that The Black Widow is trying to 'rampas laki orang' as the Malays would put it. How sad. The woman in question does nothing, it's the man that have the itching between his legs, but weehoo... it's the woman who is the slut. How totally unfair.

There's a lot I can learn just looking at them. I hope that one day they will change, but that is wishful thinking. I don't want to end up being bitter, assuming and nasty like these people because I know I am better than the rest of them.

Saturday 16 September 2006

of Poles, wedding and vodka

Ahhhhhh... I'm finally on holiday.


Krakow

Dah dua hari I'm in Poland.

I came here not knowing anything about Krakow because I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't meet my expectation. That is how I was when I went to Barcelona, and Barca did amaze me with its beautiful architectures.

A few years back, Marc told me that Krakow is similar to Prague but luckily I didn't remember him saying that until he asked me after I left the city. To me, Krakow is so much better. The Poles are absolutely the friendliest lot I ever met.

When we arrived in the city, we were trying to find a parking space for the car when a couple of workmen, out of the blue, came to us and told us, in sign language, that we need to find a guy in vest and pay for the fee. They went out of their way and that made us feel welcome.

In the old days, Krakow was their capital city and was a very prominence education, business and cultural centre before it was moved to Warsaw. After the Nazi German occupation, Warsaw was completely destroyed and had to be rebuild from stratch. However, Krakow escaped complete destruction and managed to maintain its old look thus preserving the local arts and architectures.



Although the city is not modern and maybe about 10 years behind than most of the developing countries, it has its own charms. The serenity of Krakow just blew my head off. I just can't describe the feeling.



Updates 19/09
The next day, The Mentor and I can't really decide where to go because there are a few places worth visiting since we have just another day before we leave to go to Torun, we decided to forgo our plan to drive to Zakopane and the Tatra Mountains. Instead we drove to the salt mines in Wieliczka and then to the largest Nazi concentration camp in Oswiecim, commonly known by its German name Auschwitz. I didn't even know that Auschwitz is very close to Krakow and that shows I didn't do my homework before going on holiday :)



The tour at the mines was really good and we were taken further than 130 feet underground. However, the guide at Auschwitz wasn't that impressive as she didn't speak up and kept repeating whatever was written on the pictures on the walls. Halfway through, we sneak out and left the group to wander on our own.



The Wedding

The next day, we left the city really early in the morning at 8am because we were told that it takes about 6 hours to get to Torun. Since the wedding is at 4 pm, we thought we would be there at 2 just in time to check in at the hotel and get change. The road condition is probably worst than Malaysia but with the EU money that Poland is getting, they will definitely improve in the next few years.

Along the way, we saw quite a lot of people selling wild mushrooms and homegrown vegetables on the side of the road. One common thing between Malaysians and Poles is that they drive and tailgate the front cars very closely and when they overtake I felt my blood rushes to my head. Dang scarry!

When we got to the hotel, it was already 10 to 3 and Marc was already waiting for us in the lobby. Quickly, I had shower and changed into my dress and was ready in 20 minutes. By the time we got to the church, the bride has just arrived and going into the waiting room.

This was my first Roman Catholic wedding, and it was quite interesting and overwhelming to be able to experience it. It's obviously different from the English wedding or other Christian weddings because of the Polish norms and culture. The bride and groom's parents were delighted that we were there and we got a very special treatment and attention from them.

Throughout the one-hour ceremony, I was lucky that Marc was there to translate everything that was said by the priest and the couples. I even had tears in my eyes, soppy me!



While exchanging the vows, you can see that the groom can only see her and no one else mattered. He looked so happy and smiling all the way. I have to say that both of them looked absolutely stunning and handsome. After they came out from the church, everyone was waiting to greet them and I had to carry the heaviest and probably the biggest present I ever given to anyone. It actually filled up half of my luggage!



Before we leave, everyone threw lotsa coins on the floor and the couple had to pick every single one of them, with the help of their nephews. It's in their culture and it signifies that they have to work hard at getting their dreams and every bit of money or wealth they have, they can't waste it.


The Reception

Almost all guests then proceeded to the reception at Rubbens Hotel in the outskirt of Torun. My jaws dropped when we were told that the party would go on until 4 am with lotsa food, dancing and, of course, vodka. There were 1 Brit from the office, his wife, The Mentor, me, Marc and the bride's neighbours at our table.

As soon as the food arrived, the groom's father came to our table and put 2 bottles of vodka. I dreaded the evening for I know that I would probably get stoned. All night long, we were made very welcomed with the family coming by to sit and talk to us. After the happy couples had their dance, some of the men kept asking The Mentor and I to dance.



There I was, thinking bloody hell! I know how to move around when I went clubbing but I never did any proper ballroom dancing and I have two left feet. It was mind blowing and as the night goes by, I just let my hair down and go with the flow even though my feet were hurting. Past midnight, I stopped counting the vodka shots and was going barefooted. Steve's wife took me out for fresh air and made me to drink plenty of water. Steve was even worst than I was and slightly after 2 am, she took him to the room.

When it was time for the bride to throw her veil and the groom to throw his tie to the singles, Marc and I rushed forward but unfortunately we were not lucky. I should have fight my way and grab the veil. Heh!



And true to their word, the Poles can hold their drinks really well because they work it out with plenty of food and dancing in between the drinking session. So now their secret is out!

By the time we got to the hotel, it was already pass 4 am. With the dancing and all, it's no wonder that I went to straight to sleep as soon as I hit the bed.


The Kwiatkowski

The next day, we were invited to another party held by the couple. Yes folks! There was another party at the same hotel. This time it was a bit casual and more relaxing than the night before. It was a time to get acquainted and learn about each other. However, as we had another invitation for dinner at Marc's , we went to the party, stayed just less than an hour and left for a little town north of Torun.

Whenever Marc called home, he would let me talk to his mum, and because of that she grew fond of me and I her. She and his father was very much thrilled that we were coming that they went to an extra mile to prepare Polish cuisine.



He told me that his family live in a small town of Grudziadz in a flat dated back to the communist era, all greyish and looking like a box. However, since coming out of that era and since joining the EU, their government is doing a lot to improve. It is not such a small town after all. Although it does look a bit greyish and rundown, but the view of Vistula River from his flat is fantastic. With that view, I wonder why he left anyway.

During our visit, the hospitality showed by them is out of this world. If you ever thought of going to Poland (or any other Eastern European countries), you should go now when everything is very cheap and unspoil. The Mentor and I had a really big lunch (trust me it was really good food) in the city centre of Torun right in the middle of the square with stunning views and we paid only £10 for the whole lot.



Torun is the birth place of a famous astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus and listed as one of the UNESCO World Heritage Sites and has many monuments from the Middle Ages and many Gothic buildings. The old city of Krakow has a rich architecture mostly Renaissance and also listed as World Heritage Site.

It was a very good break, and definitely one that I will remember forever. However, I have to be true and honest to myself. For some reason, I had a feeling that it is not a country that I will visit again. Saying that, never say never!

Thursday 14 September 2006

Can I? Can I? Please?

Currently, I have a few questions playing in my mind. Questions that do not really require an answer because it's more like me poking at an issue that is not an issue.

Is it just me or you feel it too?

Ok. So here's one issue that I have no business questioning. When you meet your friends or relatives, you give them a kiss (or tripple kisses) on the cheeks. What is the significant of that kisses? How many times do we have to errr... blow? Do we actually just pressing our cheeks and blow the kiss to the air?

I honestly feel that there's nothing to it. It feels like it is all false and pretending.

Personally, I didn't feel it does anything to me. I prefer the back slapping real bear hug to show that I really miss them and I appreciate them for whatever, ie for coming to meet me, or for just being there. It gives me a sense of belonging and closeness between two people. Hug like you really mean it.

I have been observing that when people become close, they take hugging for granted. We say goodnight to each other while we walk up the stairs or while we watch the telly. We didn't take time to stop doing what we were doing, look at the other person in the eyes, say what needed to be said and mean it.

We hardly ever show affection. I, myself admit that I have problem looking straight in the eyes, but that doesn't mean that I do not care. I am shy what. No. The real reason is that I do not want people to misunderstand the affection that I want to show for something else.

Heh. I am very affectionate babeh :)

Can I have a hug?

Tuesday 12 September 2006

Don't blame me if I hate you. You asked for it!

After many years of happily separated from my own community, I thought that it would be a good idea to integrate and blend in with my own people. I do miss the occasional banter, the friendliest gestures and the familiarity of having the same root.

I thought I would miss out on a few things if I keep away. I thought that the people in this metropolis would be slightly different. I thought that they'd be more open. I thought wrong.

Tonight, I realised why I kept away from people like you. For a while there, I remember why I hate the melayu and the spoilt brats.

Go ahead. Bash me for hating my own race, but what good is my people to me if they keep mocking me and my job?

It would be wrong to say that I am comfortable with what I am doing now. I never felt this way before but after moving here, I felt like I'm up for unwelcome criticism and sneering. Maybe it is my fault for feeling this way, maybe it is just my feeling. And they will say, 'jangan pedulikan people like this', 'not all malays like this'... bla bla bla.... If that's what you're going to say, fuck off from my blog!

I am bloody angry, disappointed and hurt.

How could I not feel hurt? The first time it happened I kept quiet. I put it down to naivety. I could still laugh about it when they say my van is 'van perompak'. Tapi malam ni I cannot tahan. How could they? Cakap tak pakai otak ke? Mak bapak tak ajar anak ke? Kurang ajar punya budak! Cakap pun tak reti berlapis.

I thought I am strong and tough, and I kept saying to myself that I didn't give a damn about what people think of me. The truth is I am very sensitive and sometimes cepat merajuk. You can say what you like about me, but I had enough of people laughing at my friends who ride with me in my ice cream van. All I need is just a little respect. I tak malu drive my van and I am not ashamed of my job, but people like you makes me retreat into my shell. You are not worth my time. And I hate you and pity you for having that short fused otak!

For a while there, I remember why I was reluctant to hire the melayu to help me out when I was desperate. I prefer the Poles. I am going to be honest here. To those I helped, did I get as much as a thank you note from you? No, right? So, forget about asking for a part time job, for a favour or for anything else. Pergi mampus korang lah. I pun survived on my own. At least the Poles always appreciate what I've done for them.

I may not make as much money as you (get from fama). I don't hold fancy titles to my name. But I work my butt off to support myself. Ada I asked for your help? Ada I menyusahkan hidup korang? Nasi aku makan, korang bayar ke? Bila nak tumpang, nak ajak I jalan, sanggup pulak korang naik van perompak tu yek?

Bloody ungrateful bitch!

Tuesday 5 September 2006

of past life and being manja

Ever since I become friend with The Black Widow, I enjoy late night chats and lepaks. Although I normally reserve my lepak time with just close friends, I have to admit that this time I quite like it even though we didn't know each other prior to this.

In my opinion, we are quite similar in some ways yet very different in many other ways. That's what make it all the more interesting. Being amicable, friendly and full of good-natured traits, we found ourselves fast becoming close friends.

For the second time since I come to the UK, I feel that there is someone genuine who share similarities and that there is someone who would listen to my rants and nonsense, other than the people who read my blog. This is a real person whom I can talk to without reservation, and someone who won't hesitate in telling me what is on her mind.

She let me be me, and doesn't judge what I did in my past life. I dunno, as a rule, I just don't like talking about me or my problems or my shortfalls or my worry. With our chatting sessions, I gradually open up more than I realised. She listened and commented here and there, but one thing she never did was criticising my behaviours. I never felt that she looks down at me or at what I do for a living or at my lack of agama or wealth. Amazing enough, she told me what she did is praying for me to change to become a better person than I am now.

I choked when I hear that. Here is a person who knows little about me and that I am not a good Muslim. The daily praying ritual is not the top priority in my to do lists. I drink when I feel like it. I'm ashamed to say I pretty much did everything that is forbidden that I might be the first to go to hell. I admit all that.

Yet, she makes me feel that there's still something out there for me to reach out. There's still God watching over me. Tonight, without shame, I asked about the qiblat. And I am grateful that she didn't point her finger at me or give that disapproving look. To learn that she has that much faith makes me dizzy in a good way.

Simultaneously, I enjoy listening to her tales of her children and I try to be someone she can confide in when she's in dilemma over the many issues she encounters. She, in her own way, is coping with her loss and heartache of being away from loved ones. I noticed that we both need this emotional bonding due to the fact that our best friends are so far away. We have no one else to turn to who could understand our sensitivity and emotional disability.

It's quite rare to find a person who share the same principles and understand the need to be one own self. We refuse to meddle into other people's businesses and in return all we ask is for the others not to pry into our precious lives.

I won't hesitate to give my heart if she asked for it because I think she feels the same. She needs someone to be there, yet leaves her be when she feels suffocated. Tonight, I listened to her ranting about the harrasment she gets from the men who lust after her and expect her to give back something in return for their attention or so called kindness that they bestowed upon her. I pity her when I hear about the emotional blackmail people used on her to get what they want.

On most days I look forward to having our late night session. I was used to being so independent and rely on myself that when I first met her I feel a little awkward letting her take charge, and vice versa. Little by little, we have established an understanding that one of us would be the stronger one and keep the other one in line whenever needed. She made an effort to learn about the things I like and dislike and that warms my heart. I never knew what it feels like to manja, but she let me manja with her whenever I feel like it and when she wants to manja with me, I let her. It's funny though, cause both of us are not the giggly, girly girl kinda person.

On the other hand, I think that this bond between us has make others slightly uneasy. I know sometimes this relationship, if I may call it a relationship, is viewed with suspicion or even envy. I know it's still at an early stage but I hope it is strong enough to withstand all obstacles. I am beginning to love this woman just like I love my best friends.

Monday 4 September 2006

The weekends that were

  • Notting Hill Carnival


  • Isle of Wight

Sunday 3 September 2006

Ah, bosan aku dengan penat

Dalam masa kita melepasi hari-hari yang tidak pernah berhenti walau sesaat, aku seperti terpegun melihat kebanyakan anak-anak muda zaman sekarang yang tidak pandai membawa diri.

Masing-masing mengaku bahawa mereka adalah dari generasi moden dan semua adat sopan dan tatasusila adalah kolot dan ketinggalan zaman. Mereka lebih cepat melatah, tidak berfikiran panjang dan lebih kebaratan daripada orang barat sendiri.

Pada aku mereka semua tidak tahu menilai erti kebudayaan timur. Aku tahu walaupun aku ni tidak arif dan tidak mempraktikkan sangat nilai-nilai ketimuran, tapi aku masih sedar dari mana datangnya akar umbiku. Walaupun aku tinggal di negara yang kurang mengambil berat tentang adat, aku tidak mudah lupa sama sekali.

Aku masih lagi cuba menjaga hati dan menghormati orang. Takkan sekalipun aku kasari dengan bahasa kasar atau tindak tanduk yang boleh mengguris perasaan seseorang. Aku bukanlah seorang manusia yang sempurna tetapi aku tetap mahu mencuba.

Pada aku, sekiranya seseorang itu telah cuba memberitahu yang dia tidak mahu and tidak rela meminjamkan sesuatu kepada seseorang yang lain, maka orang itu tidak berhak mempertikaikan keputusan dia. Jangan pula di belakang nanti, diheboh-hebohkan cerita yang kurang enak didengar. It yang aku betul-betul tidak gemar tetapi itulah yang selalu terjadi.

Kita sebagai manusia, mesti juga harus cepat berfikir dan jangan mengharap bulan itu akan jatuh ke riba. Kalau boleh taik bintang pun jangan diharapkan sangat. Dalam hidup ini kita mesti berani. Kerana jika kita takut, bermakna kita tidak akan dapat meneruskan perjalanan kita dan kita akan terus hidup dalam keadaan yang sentiasa gusar. Apakah itu yang kita mahu?

Aku perhatikan dari sini seorang anak gadis yang dihantar mamanya untuk mendalami ilmu dunia, namun dia resah dan enggan membaiki hidupnya sendiri sebaliknya dia lebih suka berseronokan. Bila ditanya kenapa ilmu pengetahuan ditolak ke tepi katanya dia rindu mama dan kawan-kawan di sana. Dia telah gagal sebelum dia bermula. Sayang sekali, mama itu turuti sahaja kehendak dia. Mahu wang, nah sudah kumasukkan ke dalam akaunmu! Mahu kereta, nah sudah kubelikan Honda City yang baru lagi berkilat. Di mana salah mereka? Salahkah cara mereka menunjukkan kasih sayang?

Ah, bosan aku mendengar cerita yang sama. Anak itu salahkan ibunya. Aku pasti si ibu itu ada perasaan marah pada anaknya. Aku terasa semacam mahu ku pecahkan kepala anak gadis itu. Bangun dari tidurmu! Kau bukan lagi anak kecil. Sudah 24 tahun! Sudah bisa punya wang sendiri. Setidak-tidaknya kau sudah selesai dengan ilmu dunia yang pertama.

Anak yang manis, hidup ini masih panjang. Jangan terlalu mengharapkan pada orang tuanya. Mereka juga perlukan masa untuk kehidupan mereka sendiri setelah penat mereka besarkan kamu. Biarlah mereka merasa nikmat hidup and berbakti dengan cara yang lain pula sebelum mereka pergi. Di kala itu, di bahu siapa kamu mahu menangis?

Mungkin kamu semua merasakan bahawa aku tidak adil dalam membicarakan isu ini kerana aku sudah tidak punya orang tua. Mungkin benar juga fikiran kamu itu. Tetapi aku mahu kamu semua melihat isu ini dari pandangan aku pula. Dengan tiadanya bimbingan dari orang tuaku, aku seharusnya lebih hanyut dari jalan-jalan yang benar. Aku sepatutnya lebih rosak dan tidak menghiraukan adab dan budayaku. Siapa yang ada untuk menegurku ketika aku melalui saat kegelapan? Siapa yang peduli?

Tiada siapa yang menarik ku ke atas semula. Aku bangkit sendiri. Walaupun aku tidak dicurahkan dengan kekayaan harta benda tetapi aku masih terasa kasih yang ibu taburi. Aku masih teringat-ingat pesanan ibu supaya sentiasa berbudi. Sesungguhnya aku bersyukur walaupun aku tidak sebaik yang disangka, tetapi aku masih ingat bahawa aku ini anak ibuku yang sedang menanti ku di pintu syurga.


ps: Telah terlalu lama saya mengabaikan bahasa ibunda saya, jadi hari ini saya ingin mencuba. Kekok rasanya dan mungkin tidak sedap dibaca tetapi ini sahaja yang saya mampu ikhtiarkan.

Friday 1 September 2006

of lust and kawin

It is quite funny to see an old man merajuk. It's even worse when he think that it's cute to merajuk with the woman he is wooing.

Wait a minute, wooing is not the correct word here. He doesn't know how to court a woman, nor does he know how to be smooth and subtle with his moves. He hasn't got a clue how to tambat hati the woman he lust after. It is indeed more about lust than love.

He is just one of the many Malay men who don't give enough attention and thoughts to the little things that matter to women.

Does he expect The Black Widow to fall for him by saying that he will buy her a house? There are some women out there who would jump at the offer, no doubt about it. But there are still women with enough dignity, yet men like The Pervert wouldn't care for it. Dignity? What dignity? Kawin dengan saya cukuplah. Habis cerita.

Dia ingat kawin ni cerita senang ke? Geli betul when I hear him likening the hair on her arms to her pubic hair. Is that what he calls wooing? Eeee... geli geli.

Marriage is not all about sex. It's about companionship, friendship, understanding and tolerance. Maybe that's why I haven't met my match who would be my companion, my friend, understands my needs and tolerate my nonsense.

Kalau nak kawin setakat nak halalkan sex but abaikan the other needs, I'd say forget about it. I'm sure the poor Black Widow can see beyond that, and I don't think that is all she wants in a marriage.

Is it any wonder why many of us lose faith in our own men and love to bash them?