Hey ladies, listen to madame dz...

the Malay Men saga continues. Depa kena lagi.

Funny but after that post, my girlfriends called me to say how much they detested Malay men. They were fed up with Malay men.

Ina called me later this evening to rant and rail. See, Ins is still on good terms with her Mat Salleh ex. They exchange sms's and emails. Even though they flirt a bit they know it's just friendship now.

She asked me the USD1,000,000 question:"Dins. Kenapa kan dengan laki Melayu ni banyak songel? Kita sms to say hello, dia ingat kita ni gatal. Cannot say hello ke?"

Then:
"You ever had this Dins? You meet a guy. You like each other. Satu hari 10-20 emails. Sms macam kelemumur. Then ah, tetiba, he's busy. One moment he's pursuing you, the next he's cold. What is this la wey? I am 37, I cannot play games la Dins. You ever had this?"

"Of course I had that. Don't ask me. As far as I am concerned I hope that twit is crapping bricks. Bukan main dulu, puji kita sampai syurga. Suddenly now always so busy. All Malay men must die!" I said.

"You know. I just got to know the guy. We both like each other. TAPI... why ah when sms him it takes him 3 hours to reply? In Europe that's considered rude."Sharina, that's why Malay men live in Malaysia. They wouldn't last in Europe."

"You macam mana? Dah ada bf dah?"

"I ok je. Duk SS kat Anderson Cooper ni. We're making babies right now."

Malay men always get angry when we tell them they're basketcases. But their so-called nilai-nilai Melayu murni stop short when they get the girl, so to speak. I think all of them need to go for Romance 101 and Diplomacy 500 courses.

I could go on bashing men but I don't intend to. But here's a survival guide for all single women that like a certain someone out there:

He may claim he's crazy about you but actions speak louder than words. So ignore the talk and see the walk. If he hasn't dumped the hussy or crossed three oceans to be with you, he ain't into you.

In the beginning of a romance, the first month is always lovey dovey. He misses you la, rindu you la, taik kucing you la.

MUCH as you want to believe it, DON'T BELIEVE THAT CRAP. MEN WILL SAY ANYTHING TO GET YOU TO BLOW HIM IN THE FIRST MONTH.

You want to know if the guy really likes you? Get yourself into a crisis. If the guy doesn't come to your rescue, despite him claiming he's mad about you, forget the turd.

If he really likes you, he'll drop everything for you. He can be a momma's boy, he can be a transvestite, he can be married or gay, but if he really likes you, he'll be at your doorstep.And etc.

How does one move on?

Easy. So long you ain't married to him, I figure you go your way or find someone else. Men are just numbers.

What, how can you say that Dins?

Hello, you men replace us like how you drop turds in an hour, so why the hell can't we women be shallow? Baby, you're just a number.

No man is worth the pain. If you think your heart is going to be broken, get out NOW. You do the heart-breaking.

Apa dah, I love him, I know he loves me wah wah bla bla, this is the 21st century. Apa you takut sangat? With the Internet, you can find someone in a second somewhere in Poland. Or Papua New Guinea.(Good no? Jauh-jauh)

Lastly, darling women. You can be fat, ugly, pimpled etc, but remember this:

You are a Goddess. Take a good look around you. There are one or two not so attractive people out there, in love and having happy relationships.

NOW DON'T CRY AND TELL ME THIS: DINS, HOW COME AH, THAT GIRL, SO UGLY BUT GOT BOYFRIEND MEH...

Think yourself lucky. She could have settled, and no woman or man should just settle.If you feel really low, do this then.

In the room or toilet:
Make monkey facesTell yourself 'I am the greatest! I am the best!'

Grab your tits and go Woooooooooaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh I'm bustin'

And no matter how bad you feel, and I've been there baby, I've been there, remember: you're fabulous.

So, there you go womenfolk. Hope you quench your thirst for dz's positive writing to uplift your spirits. We sisters stand together.

Men are from Mars

Quote of the day: How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Before you get mad at me, let me just say that I like men. What's not to like, right? I'm no man-eater nor man-hater.

Men are like... placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like... mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like... parking spaces.
All the good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

Men are like... bike helmets.
Handy in emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like... photocopiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like... lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like... bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like... high heels.
They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like... mini skirts.
If you are not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like... bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Malay men, in love and relationship

I was chatting with a writer friend while she was writing a masterpiece (which I will post in the 2nd installment), and when it finally arrived in my mailbox, I found myself in agreement with her. What is it about Malay men that are so hopeless... in love and relationship?

I tell you, only a handful of women are lucky to find love with Malay men. The rest of the women population is still looking for men who will treat us in a gentlemanlike manner and at the same time accept us the way we are. If we speak our minds out or have personality and intelligence, don't expect us to change and pretend dumb after marriage. You know, wysiwyg. Accept these characters in us, not running away.

So anyway, with her permission I would like to share the first of two posts because I just couldn't keep them to myself. For lack of better words on my part, I had to post the original version in her own words as I am not good at writing and couldn't come out with better twists and drama.

And I think, you'd be happy to read her posts, after her blogs vanished so fast, which left us feeling void for some times.

Yesterday was a religious day for me. I went for an Aqidah class with Peanut and in the afternoon, my parents hosted another usrah. If I had another class yesterday, I'd be qualified to be a pope, that's how much religion I had yesterday.

But my posting today is not about how I have become an angel. Or the fact that I won a gym membership (yay yay!). It is about my future life with a man.Those that know my family will know that the women in my family are lively. They are also blessed with Malay male spouses that are supportive, but they are at their wits' end when it comes to their daughters' spouses.

After the usrah all the ladies dragged me to Nora's room to lecture me on men and dating.

"You have to date Dato Azmi Khalid."

"Kan dia tu nikoh si Normala Shamsuddin nu?""How old is he Cik Nor?" I asked.

"63."

"Hahahahha, Mummy! Cik Nor nok Dina nikoh orang tua."

"Apa pulak tua? He's very handsome. Now kan ada Viagra."

"He's Bah's AGE. Yucks."

Then Cik Jee spoke out loud:
"Chor (my mum's nickname). You can't allow Dina to marry a Malay man. She is not for them."

What a pandemonium in the room!

I sat there and twiddled my hair. I make a good bimbo you know.

Ever since I became single, there seems to be no end to this matchmaking thing. I went to one and the guy told my friend he was a boobs man. Meaning, Dina didn't have big enough tits for him. WTF?

Two weeks ago, I was told by my male friends (5 actually) that I was scary to men, and that I didn't have the looks Malay men wanted.

I kept quiet because I was curious. All my girlfriends are like me and have decent marriages, so why was I the exception? I'm not that clever, I have 32A tits (though I lie to myself in the mirror and pretend my tits are 34B) and when I put on my Clarins Beauty Flash Balm I look decent enough not to frighten my nephew.

On Saturday, this guy I kinda dated earlier this year called up - we are now very good friends - and he told me,"Good thing you dumped me because we would not have worked out."

"Why is that?"

"I would not have been able to contain you."

I sat in the car and wondered. Dia ni nak letak I dalam tin Milo ke? Dia ni ingat I ni spring ke? Saya bukan rama-rama, saya manusia. Kadang-kadang saya ni monyet.

When I asked Bah-Bah this he said:Bloody fool wanted a maid. He does not deserve you Princess.

Oh.

When I look at my single friends like Ins, Ija, HoneyTar and co, I really wonder why Malay men are scared of them. Yes, they're independent. Yes, they make their own money. A lot of Malay men marry these women.

Maybe they're scared. Because these women have personalities. It's not a matter of having a mind of their own. Most Malay women have their own minds. But having personalities is something Malay men can't grasp.

This morning I showed Bah-Bah a picture of Anderson Cooper (CNN Anchor) who's in Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List for 2005.

"Bah-bah, Dina nok gini."

"Eesh."

"He's clever, tall, handsome and lives in New York. I think we'll make a beautiful couple."

"Mula doh dia ni... you and your angan-angan."

"ABAH! Listen. You have to face the facts: I may end up with someone out of our race or faith. You heard the aunties. And you know it too. How many men are like you?"

"You will marry a Malay-Muslim. No black Muslim. Mat Salleh Muslim."

"How about I make a deal with you? How about celup-Muslim?"

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"No. But just in case la."

"Are all Malay men that bad?"

"No, but for women like me, yes."

"Hmmph. As long as he's fair, tall and handsome.Nothing like your ex."

Opening this to the court...

Coming soon, 2nd part

Kasihani lah hamba ini...

To whom it may concern,

Please snail mail VCD Sepet to my current address:

XX XXXX Road,
XXXXXXXXX XXXXX
XXX XXX London
United Kingdom.

*hint to those yang baik hati dan sudi mengepos dari Malaysia or Singapore.(rafthah, ps, ju, cruella, stellar, poncho(rtd), dade, aces, ray and Malim, leez, sooz etc etc) Tu dia aih, kalau boleh semua nama nak display kat sini.. ni muka tak malu menadah tangan mintak simpati pembaca blog.. heheh

Thank you very much.

of marriage and determination

This week passed by so quickly that I hardly had time to blog. First, there was Aci to be entertained. Second, I'm down with cold and lastly, I am busy packing up stuffs. Tonight is my last night at this apt. It will be awhile before I can blog because I won't have an internet connection at the new place just yet.

On Wed night, I took Aci to meet The Mentor over dinner. Everything went perfectly well until they ganged up on me and started to talk about marriage. Sigh. And every time I changed the subject, they managed to swing back to the boring topic. Aci thought I don't want Aki because he's not good looking. Oh puhleeze! Give me some credit. Look is not everything. It's not that I don't want to get married, I'm simply not ready. Can't anyone understand that?

At the moment, my priorities are slightly different from typical women my age. They want husbands, I want freedom. They want kids, I want travel experience. They want to settle down, I want to globe-trotting. Stop telling me like I don't know what I want. Who knows maybe in the next six months I may change my mind. Of course I didn't say all that to them, I just smiled and mumbled something and sheepishly grinned again. The Mentor got my message, and told Aci that's what I normally did if I didn't really hear what was being discussed.

All the advice given to me are good ones, yet I may need some time before I make a move. I am a determined person and in this respect, Aci and I are very much alike. When we want something, we will work towards it. I guess that's why somehow she understood me eventhough we are not that close as sisters. The only thing that worry her is that, because our parents had passed away, she feels responsible for my wellbeing as she is the head of the family. She worries for me and for that I am grateful. I love you, Aci.

spye

I'm doing a dina zaman, with the eyes in the profile. Not so original, eh? Hmm.. I'd like to have dreamy eyes, but I love my big eyes anyway. Maybe because through them, I can see what's happening at the rim of the world.

Listen! It is a national disease.

So, almost everyone is proud of Siti Nurhaliza or so it seems. Great performance, but that is not the main topic for today. Today's entry is about Malaysians, especially the Malays and punctuality.

Let's take the RAH concert for example. Undoubtedly, everyone involved was on a tight schedule, but for a concert this big, time management is the one of the priorities. If it was 5 or 10 minutes late, people will not make such fuss.

Yet, when it was almost half an hour later, that was considered a poor management. I know we have all sorts of protocols to observe, so we had to wait for the Sultan to mingle around and then be seated first. Kalau dah pukul 7pm pun dok kat luar lagi jumpa Datuk ini, salam Datuk itu, macam mana nak start on time? Next time, get all these VIPs to come, say one hour earlier, so they can do their celebrity pose and be seated 5 minutes before the scheduled show begins. Kalau lambat jugak, employ me as the timekeeper and I'd shoot their toes to get them going.

On many occasions, Malaysians tend to waste precious time before a business meeting catching up with friends and colleagues. There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, while we are waiting for a chairperson or VIPs to arrive, that's the only time we have to meet other people. However, most of the time, these people dah la datang lambat, lepas tu nak sembang sembang dulu. Salam orang sana sini and by the time meeting nak start dah rugi setengah jam.

A friend in EX mentioned that her supervisor dah faham sangat with perangai budak-budak Malaysia. Tak ada yang tidak lambat, malah semuanya lambat lambat belaka. Sometimes, I feel sad because that is the image that we portray to the world. Is that what we call profesionalism?Why can't we be punctual? How many times were you waiting for friends at the mall, for them to turn up one hour later?

Is it the tidak-apa attitude that shape our mentality? It has become a norm for Malaysians to be late in almost everything. Where does it all go wrong? Was it our education system? or was it our upbringing? When I first went back to Malaysia, I was so determined to work in an ethical way and be punctual. It all went the way I wanted in the first year, but gradually I got infected with this cultural disease. In fact, I think punctuality is a national disease. I felt bad, because I knew that wasn't the real me but because the society accepted the behavior, I soothed myself with that excuse. Even then, I was still one of the people who will arrive early at a meeting or gathering. These days, at least I'm back on a normal turf.

So, how do we change the behavior?Maybe it all should start with our leaders. The PM should always be on time and show this example to his Mentris and the Mentris should do the same to their SUKs. Thus, it become a chain reaction that would probably yield a very positive result. Forget the tete-e-tete, and go straight to work. You can have it after the meeting or over lunch. Or else, come earlier.

If you're your own boss or a manager somewhere, then start within yourself and teach your mind to be punctual. Over time, people will understand your work ethics and they may follow. Remember, small steps make a big difference.