9:30 p.m.
Just got back home from the freaking office after more than two hours of driving. Hah! That’s the price to pay when an idiot chose to work for a company far from home, not even in the same town. In fact, in another country for goodness sake. *Sigh*
They kept me waiting again. That’s the game they have been playing with me ever since I know them. This time I waited for two days. Monday was supposed to be the day. Then at midday, they said I would get whatever I’m supposed to get later this afternoon. And later this afternoon, they shrugged and said tomorrow morning. I can’t stand it anymore, you....you worms!
The Boss thinks since we slave for him, he can snap his fingers any time he wants. Doesn’t he know I have planned my time accordingly so I can have fewer headaches? People like him will always use people like me. We, softhearted hobbits, can’t seem to say no to people. And the King Kong will always take advantage and step on our heads till we’re buried six feet under.
I have a big problem saying ‘no’ to anybody. Bigger than the tempayan at my grandmother's house. And when I found the courage to do it, I will feel guilty later on. Idiot!
The Mentor keeps telling me to tell them ‘bugger off’. Of course, she didn’t exactly say that exact words but that’s what she meant. Sometimes I wonder how on earth I managed to come knocking at her door. She is soo classy. She doesn’t speak English jalanan that I am used to and I always picture her in the House of Lords. I guess that's life, huh? Connecting people when we least expect it, or was it Nokia? mmm.. whatever!
Yet, I feel at ease with her for she is an understanding superior. Our communication never breaks down unlike Vodafone, which sometimes has no network service. As I recall I rang her six times throughout the day to keep her informed of the waiting game and to grumble over silly thing The Boss asked me to do.
What do I know about electricity other than it can magically allow me to switch on the heater so I can be warm or get the computer working so I can blog? Other than that, Zilch. But The Boss has gone crazy and asked me to go visit a customer and test his equipment (ehem!). Maybe I should give it a try. If I do it right, I’ll get lucky. If not, I’ll get electrocuted.
After sudah rentung, apparently I must be prepared for a classic Hiroshima nightmare as well. Just as I was leaving The Mentor’s place, she dropped a bombshell. By the end of the year, she will gradually cease to direct our team, which at the moment being her and me.I draw a long sigh. Penat.
Wednesday 19 January 2005
Tuesday 11 January 2005
sexual orientation: yours and mine.
Are you confused about your sexual orientation? If so, you are not alone. I do too. Heck! I'm confused about almost everything.
Most people, who define themselves as heterosexual, at some point in their life, have sexual thoughts towards someone of the same sex. Plus many people who try out sexual behaviors with someone of the same sex will like it, while others are more sexually attracted to someone of the opposite sex.
Simply experimenting with someone of the same sex does not make you gay. Plenty of people who call themselves heterosexual, have engaged in same gendered sexual acts, and plenty of people who call themselves homosexual have never been romantically involved with someone of the same sex.
Thus, you can define your sexual orientation any way you like. All of these categories: gay, lesbian, homosexual, bi-sexual, transgendered, transsexual, pansexual are culturally prescribed labels. Feel free to define your own sexual orientation based on behaviors, or on feelings. What is important, is that you choose to live your life, in the way that feels most comfortable to you.
If you are having confusion about your sexual orientation, ask yourself, the following questions.
1. Have you ever been attracted to someone of the same sex?
2. On multiple occasions, have you found yourself attracted to someone of the same sex?
3. Have you ever fantasized about being with someone of the same sex?
4. Have you ever been sexually aroused while watching a movie where two people of the same gender have been sexual?
5. Have you ever participated in a threesome?
6. Have you ever been with someone of the same sex?
7. Are you more at ease with people of the same gender?
Then ask yourself, how you feel about your answers?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then on a scale of 1-100 (one being completely heterosexual, and 100 being completely homosexual) your sexual orientation is somewhere in between. Since there are no hard and fast rules about each label, you may choose one that makes sense to you. Do not ever let people make you feel shitty whatever your sexual orientation is.
For laugh, I took a test to see what my sexual orientation is. I turned out to be pansexual. Go figure!
You are pansexual."Whether you know it or not, you are pansexual. You can find yourself loving a male or female, but you're different from a bisexual. You may also love transgendered, androgynous, and other gender fluid people...people who do not feel they fit into the categories of male or female. When you love, your love is pure."
DEFINITION: Pansexual
One who exhibits or suggests a sexuality that has many different forms, objects, and outlets.
One who exhibits many forms of sexual expression.
My oh my!
Most people, who define themselves as heterosexual, at some point in their life, have sexual thoughts towards someone of the same sex. Plus many people who try out sexual behaviors with someone of the same sex will like it, while others are more sexually attracted to someone of the opposite sex.
Simply experimenting with someone of the same sex does not make you gay. Plenty of people who call themselves heterosexual, have engaged in same gendered sexual acts, and plenty of people who call themselves homosexual have never been romantically involved with someone of the same sex.
Thus, you can define your sexual orientation any way you like. All of these categories: gay, lesbian, homosexual, bi-sexual, transgendered, transsexual, pansexual are culturally prescribed labels. Feel free to define your own sexual orientation based on behaviors, or on feelings. What is important, is that you choose to live your life, in the way that feels most comfortable to you.
If you are having confusion about your sexual orientation, ask yourself, the following questions.
1. Have you ever been attracted to someone of the same sex?
2. On multiple occasions, have you found yourself attracted to someone of the same sex?
3. Have you ever fantasized about being with someone of the same sex?
4. Have you ever been sexually aroused while watching a movie where two people of the same gender have been sexual?
5. Have you ever participated in a threesome?
6. Have you ever been with someone of the same sex?
7. Are you more at ease with people of the same gender?
Then ask yourself, how you feel about your answers?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then on a scale of 1-100 (one being completely heterosexual, and 100 being completely homosexual) your sexual orientation is somewhere in between. Since there are no hard and fast rules about each label, you may choose one that makes sense to you. Do not ever let people make you feel shitty whatever your sexual orientation is.
For laugh, I took a test to see what my sexual orientation is. I turned out to be pansexual. Go figure!
You are pansexual."Whether you know it or not, you are pansexual. You can find yourself loving a male or female, but you're different from a bisexual. You may also love transgendered, androgynous, and other gender fluid people...people who do not feel they fit into the categories of male or female. When you love, your love is pure."
DEFINITION: Pansexual
One who exhibits or suggests a sexuality that has many different forms, objects, and outlets.
One who exhibits many forms of sexual expression.
My oh my!
Wednesday 5 January 2005
Don't run, just take a stroll
Dearly beloved, are you listening? I can’t remember a word that you were saying. Are we demented or am I disturbed? The space that’s in between insane and insecure. Oh therapy, can you please fill the void? Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed? Nobody’s perfect and I stand accused for lack of a better word and that’s my best excuse.
---
How much more can you take before you run away? How much can we hate before we turn cynical? How much can we love before we become vulnerable?
Things that were thrown at me repeatedly. Words that I hear constantly. The same story rips my ears. Shut up! Stop hurting yourself. Just move on. So many things waiting for you. For once, forget your sorrows and take a chance. It will take you places.
Memories are just for you to grow old with. Be a cynic. Be a romantic. Be clueless. Be foolish. Be furious. I don’t care. Just be who you are. I'll give some space but I’m still beside you.
How far can you run?
---
How much more can you take before you run away? How much can we hate before we turn cynical? How much can we love before we become vulnerable?
Things that were thrown at me repeatedly. Words that I hear constantly. The same story rips my ears. Shut up! Stop hurting yourself. Just move on. So many things waiting for you. For once, forget your sorrows and take a chance. It will take you places.
Memories are just for you to grow old with. Be a cynic. Be a romantic. Be clueless. Be foolish. Be furious. I don’t care. Just be who you are. I'll give some space but I’m still beside you.
How far can you run?
Monday 3 January 2005
Damn Pos Malaysia!
Pos Malaysia can go to hell! I am bloody furious with them. KURVA! (Polish word for fucking bitch) Almost a month ago, I sent home two packages and was told that they should get there in a week. I understand that with the holiday seasons, it might be later than usual so I waited patiently.
I have been tracking the packages through Royal Mail and PM websites. One package is now found to be at the local post office awaiting despatch but the other has gone missing. I am still praying for miracle but somehow deep down I know the unethical staff must have claimed it as his.
When a registered mail can go missing, I have no trust in their credibility anymore. It’s not like I’m sending a bomb or virus or anything damaging to the whole country. I have sent my complaint to them, in fact I even wrote to the CEO though I do not know whether I got his email address correct. I doubt that they will reply.
Yes, I can claim reimbursement but I am still entitled to be angry. I just don’t understand their mentality. Those were not intended for them, so don’t fucking open people’s mails. It’s violation of human right, stupid asshole!
I have been tracking the packages through Royal Mail and PM websites. One package is now found to be at the local post office awaiting despatch but the other has gone missing. I am still praying for miracle but somehow deep down I know the unethical staff must have claimed it as his.
When a registered mail can go missing, I have no trust in their credibility anymore. It’s not like I’m sending a bomb or virus or anything damaging to the whole country. I have sent my complaint to them, in fact I even wrote to the CEO though I do not know whether I got his email address correct. I doubt that they will reply.
Yes, I can claim reimbursement but I am still entitled to be angry. I just don’t understand their mentality. Those were not intended for them, so don’t fucking open people’s mails. It’s violation of human right, stupid asshole!
Saturday 1 January 2005
My First Few Thoughts in 2005
I just came back from a night out and too tired to write long entry. Will tell my new year tales later but for now, this is what I have to say.
Bloody hell! I’m one year older. I love everything about my life but why can’t I just stay 30? It’s not that I’m ashamed of my age but it just feels right.
Gosh! I don’t even have resolutions. I stop making them years ago when I realized that they never materialized anyway. Plus, I forgot about them every time February comes. So, what is the point of thinking and creating one, then agonizing about it not coming true?
People have been telling me that 2005 will be a GoodYear. And a couple of friends were kind enough to wake me up at 4 am to wish me that. Guys, I do take it as a good sign, okay. Though 2004 passed with a lot of sadness and confusion but it’s a lesson learned. One thing I know is determination will get me everywhere I want to be. It may take me months or even years but I will get there somehow.
‘Keep my feet on the ground’ is what I will be doing this year. Some people may always take my kindness and generosity for granted but I guess I can never change that kind of people or myself. As long as I keep my feet on the ground, I’m content.
To all fellow bloggers, I am honoured to get to know you and your thoughts. Though sometimes I feel very small compared to some of you (my bad writings etc), I tell myself I am still learning. I am just an ordinary person trying to embrace life and embrace I shall. Let us all pray that the New Year will bring lots of joy and happiness in everything we do.
Amin.
Bloody hell! I’m one year older. I love everything about my life but why can’t I just stay 30? It’s not that I’m ashamed of my age but it just feels right.
Gosh! I don’t even have resolutions. I stop making them years ago when I realized that they never materialized anyway. Plus, I forgot about them every time February comes. So, what is the point of thinking and creating one, then agonizing about it not coming true?
People have been telling me that 2005 will be a GoodYear. And a couple of friends were kind enough to wake me up at 4 am to wish me that. Guys, I do take it as a good sign, okay. Though 2004 passed with a lot of sadness and confusion but it’s a lesson learned. One thing I know is determination will get me everywhere I want to be. It may take me months or even years but I will get there somehow.
‘Keep my feet on the ground’ is what I will be doing this year. Some people may always take my kindness and generosity for granted but I guess I can never change that kind of people or myself. As long as I keep my feet on the ground, I’m content.
To all fellow bloggers, I am honoured to get to know you and your thoughts. Though sometimes I feel very small compared to some of you (my bad writings etc), I tell myself I am still learning. I am just an ordinary person trying to embrace life and embrace I shall. Let us all pray that the New Year will bring lots of joy and happiness in everything we do.
Amin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)